Ask a Pirate!
by Angel's Star
Summary: Ever wanted to know something about your favorite POTC characters? Well here's your chance to ask them and find out the answer!
1. Episode 1: Pilot

A/N: Here's a POTC story! Yay! It's my first, but I think it'll be fun. **When you review, be sure to ask some questions that you want answered! **Here you go!

Disclaimer: Yay for a different disclaimer! I don't own Pirates, but I wish I did!

**Important note! I was reading mangamadde's story Ask a Sayajin and I thought it would be cool to have one for POTC, so be sure to go check out her story too! It's really funny.**

Chapter 1

(The cameras begin to roll and the people who control the lights aim the spotlight on the brown haired girl who is walking out onto the stage. She waves at the camera and people begin to clap.)

Angel's Star: Hi and welcome to _Ask a Pirate_. I'm your host Angel's Star. (people clap) Thank you. (smiles) This is only our pilot episode, so if you want to see more, be sure to ask us some questions!

(Director says something from off-camera.)

Angel's Star: Ah, that's right! For those of you who did not read the important note above, mangamadde's story Ask a Sayajin inspired me to make this for POTC, so be sure to go thank her and review her story! It's really good. Honest! So, with out further ado, here are the stars of our show!

(Angel's Star looks to her right to see Jack, Will, and Elizabeth making their way out onto the stage. The audience claps wildly and crazed fan girls shout out to their favorite man. They all sit down awkwardly in the chars labeled for them, but there is one left over.)

Elizabeth: Who's the other seat for?

Angel's Star: We might have Norrington on here in an upcoming episode. I'll let you know when.

(Elizabeth nods, not quite understanding how she ended up on this show. Will waves at all his crazed fan girls, making each of them faint with joy. Jack simply drinks some of the rum he brought with him.)

Angel's Star: Ok, so how are you guys?

Will: Other than you trapping me in this story, I'm doing fine.

Angel's Star: (sweat drop) Any one else having a better day than Mr. Grumpy Pants?

Random fan girl: I AM!!!!!

(Jack and Will ease away from her, even though they're still seated.)

Angel's Star: Ooookaaaay. Thanks for that. (mutters) Security.

(Two big men quickly escort the screaming girl out of the studio.)

Angel's Star: Ahem. Anyway! How are you doing, Jack?

Jack: Better since the lass is gone now.

Angel's Star: I think we all are. Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: I'm fine, thank you.

Angel's Star: Good! So we've established that we're all doing good, except for Will who's grouchy.

Will: I'm not grouchy!

Angel's Star: (to Elizabeth) See what I mean?

(Audience chuckles)

Elizabeth: I'm still curious. I know you claimed you would pay Will and I a lot of money for being on here, but how did you manage that with Jack? He doesn't have much use for money.

(Angel's Star looks off thoughtfully into the distance)

: Flashback :

(Angel's Star and Jack shake hands after negotiating how much rum he would get for being on the show.)

: End flashback :

Jack: The power of persuasion, love.

Angel's Star: That's it!

Will: What exactly are we doing here if you have no questions for us yet?

Angel's Star: You _are_ the grumpy one, aren't you?

(Will scowls)

Angel's Star: You're here so people can see that I'm not using imitations. Plus you have to be here for the pilot episode. Your contract said so.

Will: What contract?!

Angel's Star: The contract you signed! It says you agree to do this show with me along with any future shows I might do. Including fan fictions.

Will: (sweat drop)

Jack: So long as there's rum, I'm in.

Angel's Star: See? Why can't you be cooperative like Jack?

(Elizabeth chuckles to herself)

Will: How did I get tricked into this?

Angel's Star (shouts): I didn't make you sign the contract in your sleep!

(Every one stares at her)

Angel's Star: Umm…yeah. Hypnosis works surprisingly well in your sleep.

Will: I don't even want to know…

Jack: Poor eunuch… (laughs)

(The audience laughs too)

Elizabeth: It'll be alright, Will.

Angel's Star: Yeah, 'cause the first show's over!

Jack: See? That wasn't bad.

(Will gives Jack a withering glare)

Angel's Star: Yup, but you three will be back whenever I get some questions!

(Audience cheers, Will groans)

Angel's Star: And next time we might not pick on Will as much.

(Audience and Jack laugh)

Angel's Star: So that's it. If you want these three back and possibly some guests later on in this show, you have to send me some questions! Bye!

(Audience claps as Angel's Star, Will, Jack, and Elizabeth chat for a few more moments)

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**A/N:** Alrighty! Please review and ask some questions if you want to see more! And I know I've said this before, but I want to make sure she gets the credit she deserves. Be SURE to go check out Ask a Sayajin by mangamadde! Ok. That's it. Go review!


	2. Episode 2

A/N: Wow! Lookit all the reviews! You people really like this stuff. Cool! Here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, unfortunately.

Chapter 2

(Audience once again claps and cheers as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage. There is a bigger crowd than before. Angel's Star waves as she sits down, then motions for them to stop clapping)

Angel's Star: Welcome to our next episode of _Ask a Pirate! _Just a little notice here before we bring out the stars of the show. I'm going to try to answer all the questions from the pilot episode in this episode, but if I don't get to I will answer them in the next episode. If you have already had your question answered and other people haven't, I'll probably answer theirs first. You know, just to let people who haven't been through this get the experience. One more thing before we start: I'm going to try not to answer the same question twice, just for the sake of answering new ones. Ok? Alright! Now please welcome Jack, Will, and Elizabeth!

(Audience cheers wildly as the stars of POTC make their way out onto the stage. They all sit down in their seats and Angel's Star once again motions for the audience to stop clapping)

Angel's Star: So how are you guys?

Elizabeth: I'm a little concerned about the questions I may be forced to answer.

Will: Aye, me too.

Jack: Wimps.

Angel's Star: Don't be scared! The reviewers have just asked questions that have plagued their minds since they first saw Pirates! No biggie!

Will: Thanks for taking the pressure off us.

Angel's Star: (ignoring the sarcasm) No problem!(looks down at the questions in her hands) Well, we seem to have quite a few for Norrington here, but I wasn't planning on having him appear in this episode…Ah well! Good thing I happened to have him in storage - I mean here with us!

(Uncomfortable silence)

Angel's Star: Um…Here's Norrington!

(Some one back stage pushes Norrington out onto the stage and the crowd goes wild. Norrington calmly approaches the chair with his name on it, which is fairly far away from the other stars, just incase he goes crazy)

Angel's Star: Hey, Norrington, how are you?

Norrington: You mean other than you shoving me into a closet at the last minute?

(More uncomfortable silence)

Angel's Star: Aaannnyyyyway! The first two questions come from Random Authoress. Norrington, she asks: Have you ever wanted to hit Gillette or the other officers because they were being stupid or annoying you? And, Jack, she asks: How many times has Anna Maria slapped you?

Jack: More times than I can count, mate. (take a drink of rum) They seem to flow together after time.

Angel's Star: Norrington?

Norrington: I have to admit that some of the other officers are a bit trying at times, but I wouldn't hit one of my own men. That's not to say that I've never want to, though.

Angel's Star: Violent, aren't we? Anywho, the next question from TheSanityStealingPenguinQueen. Jack, she asks: Did you ever have a ahem intimate relationship with Will? Or Barbossa? Or Bootstrap? Or Norrigton?

Jack: (leaps up) What kind of bloody question is this?!

Angel's Star: One you've got to answer, now sit down!

Jack: (sits angrily) No, I've never had a bloody intimate relationship with any men.

Angel's Star: Good! You were beginning to worry me for a second…

(Jack mumbles something to himself as he takes another drink of rum)

Angel's Star: Alright, I don't know if this one was a serious question, but it was asked, so here it is. Will, um…(long pause) How do you pronounce this name? (shows Will the card)

Will: Got me…(shrugs) Just spell it out.

Angel's Star: Ok, um, jgjrfdyhtfgyitdfytfygfytfry (everyone: 0.o) asks: Is Will going to be grumpy in the next one?

Will: I wasn't grumpy in the last episode! It was only your childish imagination!

Angel's Star: (whispers) You can take that as a yes.

(Will scowls)

Angel's Star: Ok, Norrington, Lahara asks: Doesn't it seem a little pervy to ask a woman to marry you that you've known since she was 8 with you were a full grown adult at that time? I mean... it seems a little creepy...

Jack: You did that?

Norrington: She's a beautiful woman, you have to admit!

Angel's Star: Answer the question! I wanna know myself!

Norrington: (looks uneasy) Um, well I, uh…It might seem odd to some, but I felt it was a good decision.

Angel's Star: Uh…huh…If you don't mind my asking, _what_ were you thinking?!?!

Norrington: She would have made me an excellent wife despite the age difference!

Angel's Star: Age difference?! There's like a whole generation in between you two!

(Audience laughs wildly)

Angel's Star: Anyway, Jack, Elizabeth, Beautiful x Lie says: Ask Jack and Elizabeth if they did anything. (pause) So…did you guys ever…do _anything_?

Elizabeth: Nothing other than that kiss.

Jack: Unfortunately.

(Elizabeth glare at Jack, but he only shrugs)

Will: Good! I was hoping some one would ask that.

Angel's Star: Well, there you go. Nerd's United has a question for everyone, so I'll start with the first one. Will, why are you such a loser sometimes? (pause) Ouch…

Will: (looks hurt) Loser? I'm not a loser! I ended up kissing the girl in front of the sunset and Norrington ended up with nothing! I'm the winner!

Norrington: You only won her over because she wants adventure. I would have had her otherwise.

Angel's Star: Hmm. Looks like Will could be a winner in that sense. Anyway, Elizabeth, you and Jack have the same question. What REALLY happened on that island?

Jack: The bloody woman burnt my rum!

Elizabeth: It was to signal for help!

Jack: We didn't need help. We had each other, love!

Elizabeth: (exasperated) You are a pirate. Why would I - never mind. Nothing happened on the island other than Jack became incredibly drunk and I burned his rum.

Angel's Star: Are you sure?

Elizabeth: I'm positive.

Jack: (mumbles) Bloody woman…

Angel's Star: Ok, Norrington, here's you another question. Is that wig itchy at all?

Norrington: (turns red slightly) It, um, can be at times.

Angel's Star: (jokingly) Norrington, are you sunburned or are blushing?

Norrington: None of your business!

Angel's Star: (laughs) Ok, so here's a question for everybody from Anonimoose. How, exactly, would a 'slice of fried gold' be acquired?

Elizabeth: Fried…gold?

Jack: Now that's one I can answer!

Angel's Star: Go ahead then, Jack. This question makes no sense to me.

Jack: What ye must do is sail to the Isle de Mureta when the moon is full and take three men with ye. You will be able to obtain a slice of fried gold in one of the island's passages, or so I've been told.

Angel's Star: (stares at him for a moment) Or you could stick a slice of gold into a deep-fryer.

Jack: (shrugs) Have it your way.

Angel's Star: Anyway! These next questions come from Lily-Anne. Will, she asks: Are you really a eunuch? If so, how did it happen? Also, what were you thinking when Tia Dalma was hitting on you?

Will: (shouts) I am not a eunuch!

Jack: Always in denial…

Will: (glares at him) As for the second question, I was hoping the scary woman would leave me alone…or at least go back to Jack.

Jack: I don't want her!

Angel's Star: Poor woman…not being wanted by any men anywhere. With a little dental hygiene and makeup, she would be very pretty. But, anyway, Elizabeth, the next question's for you. Who's the better kisser? Jack or Will?

(Both Jack and Will turn to her intently)

Elizabeth: Ummm…(feels very uncomfortable) I'll say Will. (mumbles) Because he's my husband.

Angel's Star: (pause) Ok, that works for me. (Elizabeth sighs) And the last question of the night goes to Jack. Are you and Anna Maria together? And who were you really hoping would win during the swordfight on the big wheel?

Jack: We're not together, nor will we ever be. As for the sword fight on the big wheel, I was hoping they would kill each other that way I could get the key and Davy Jones' heart for myself.

Will: After I've helped you out so much you were wanting me to die?!

Norrington: Can't expect much more from a pirate.

Angel's Star: (quickly) OK THEN! We're all out of time, but if you want us back again (minus Norrington), then you'll have to ask some more questions! Thanks for all the support with the pilot episode and good night!

(Audience cheers and claps as Jack draws his sword and threatens Norrington. Various security guards rush in to try to prevent any violence as the screen goes black)

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**A/N:** Just so you know, only Jack, Will, and Elizabeth will be in the show next time with me hosting, of course. Be sure to review and ask more questions!


	3. Episode 3

A/N: Oh wow I have so many unanswered questions to answer! **I'll try to answer people who haven't had their question answered yet first, just so you know.** Ok, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: I still don't own POTC.

Chapter 3.

(Again, the audience claps as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage. She takes her seat and waits as the last few claps stop.)

Angel's Star: Thank you and welcome back to _Ask a Pirate!_. We have a bunch of questions to answer today so I'm not sure if I'll get to all of them. But I'll try! So without further ado, please welcome the stars of our show!

(Audience claps wildly as Jack, Will, and Elizabeth walk onto the stage. They're becoming quite the professionals, aren't they?)

Angel's Star: I assume you're all doing splendidly on this fine evening?….Will, don't answer.

Elizabeth: (chuckles) I'm fine, thank you.

Jack: Couldn't be better.

Angel's Star: Good! You'll need your strength to answer all these questions that have poured in for you! So how 'bout we get started, ok?

(Audience cheers)

Angel's Star: Alright. The first question comes from Glitterfrost. Jack, Elizabeth, she asks: Did you enjoy that kiss?

Elizabeth: It was utterly disgusting. I would never want to do it again.

Jack: That's not what you told me, love.

Audience: Ooooooo.

Will: You mean you actually-

Angel's Star: In order to prevent a fight from breaking out between Jack and Will, here's her next question. Jack, Elizabeth, have you ever been attracted to the other?

Jack: Of course! I love all women.

Elizabeth: No, never.

Jack: Again, that's not what-

Elizabeth: ALRIGHT already! Did you write a book on what all I said?!

Jack: The rum helps me remember, love.

(Elizabeth rolls her eyes)

Angel's Star: That's funny. It makes most people forget.

(Jack shrugs)

Angel's Star: Anyway, our next questions come from Trippix. Jack, they ask: What was your childhood and adolescence like? What led up to your life of piracy?

Jack: It was long, rather boring, but very abusing. Me father was never a nice man. That's why I started drinking me rum! Helps a lot. I ran away from home when I was young and helped out on some merchant ship then decided I wanted a crew of me own. That's when I became a pirate.

Angel's Star: Very interesting. Will, here's your question. Trippix asks: What exactly are your feelings toward Elizabeth now? After witnessing her kiss a pirate, don't you think she's capable of repeating the act?

Will: I still love Elizabeth and I always will. I know she kissed Jack, but it was for our own safety. I trust her not to do it again.

Angel's Star: Are you sure she won't? I'm pretty sure I saw her and Jack making-out backstage…

(Will's jaw drops and he looks at Elizabeth)

Angel's Star: I'm just kidding!

Will: Don't do that!

Angel's Star: But it's funny! (audience laughs) Alright, Jack, Spooftacus asks: How did the Black Pearl come into your possession?

Jack: Well, I made a deal with (glances around nervously) a certain octopus faced man….thing….to bring up the Pearl from the depths of the sea. Then we made a deal as to how I would be captain for thirteen years, etcetera, etcetera, and the rest is history.

Angel's Star: Interesting, but you're not off the hook yet. K.D. Sparrow asks: Have you ever fallen in love?…And she called you captain, by the way.

Jack: (grinning) Finally someone who knows how to address a captain! Thank you. No, I've not fallen in love. There is no possible way I can have just one woman.

Angel's Star: Well, you seem to be quite popular tonight, so, Will, Elizabeth, hold tight for a few more minutes.

Will: I'm just great over here.

Angel's Star: Good. Jack, this question comes from phantomphan1915 and she asks: Will you marry me? No, just kidding...maybe...Well, Jack, has Barbossa always been that...mad...?

Jack: As in crazy? Of course! He's been that way since I met him. Still not quite sure why I hired him…

Angel's Star: Well, you can think of that in a minute. You have another question and it's from Captain Ashley. She asks: What was it like fighting the Kraken?

Jack: Disturbing, painful, and quite smelly. Not something I would do again, nor would recommend.

Angel's Star: Yeah, I'll bet it was smelly. Will, here's a question for you!

(Will groans)

Angel's Star: Don't be like that! It's from Captain Ashley and she asks: Did you ever wonder about Elizabeth while you were out trying to act all tough and piratey?

Will: Of course I worried about her. I worry about her every time something dangerous comes up…like when this pirate (motions to Jack) comes around or like this show.

Angel's Star: This show isn't dangerous!

Will: It is with Jack on it.

Jack: Oi! I resent that!

Angel's Star: Don't hurt Jack's feelings! He's essential for this show!

(Will grumbles)

Angel's Star: Captain Ashley's last question is for Elizabeth. She asks: Why are more annoying in the second movie than you are in the first one?

Elizabeth: Annoying?! I am certainly not annoying!

Lots of people in the audience: Yes, you are!

Elizabeth: Fine. Name a time when I was annoying.

Angel's Star: How about that time when you got in the way of Jack, Will, and Norrington fighting? And when-

Elizabeth: I said one!

Angel's Star: And you got one plus change. Now, Jack, here's another question for you. Alel asks: Does your hair do that naturally, or did you at some point or another have to style the dreads?

Jack: Actually a woman who shall remain nameless styled a few of them in my hair and I liked it so said woman put a few more in. I added the beads and such as I commandeered them.

Angel's Star: Alright, Red VanE has a question for you, Jack. She asks: Do you like Elizabeth because she's rich, she's beautiful or is it just because she's a slut?

Jack: I like her because she's a woman! I love women.

Angel's Star: I think we all know that. Will, she has a question for you too. She asks: Can I have a kiss?

(Will blushes)

Elizabeth: Certainly not!

Will: Um, well…

Red VanE: (stands up and shouts) I LOVE YOU, WILL!!!!!

Will: Um, thanks…?

(Angel's Star and Jack snicker)

Angel's Star: Somebody likes you! (laughs) Anyway, Jack, Franny asks: What makes you so desirable to young teenage girls like me and just so you know you are ten times hotter than Will! (pause) So true.

Jack: (laughs) I'm desirable to any woman because I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! And thank you for the compliment. I'll remember that to use against the eunuch later.

Angel's Star: Poor Will. Jack, here's your next question and it's from Akukama. They ask: What does having the Black Spot actually feel like?

Jack: It's kind of like the rest of your hand, but that part is always cold and damp. And you can't feel anything with that part of your hand.

Angel's Star: I'd hate to have one on my hand. (shudders) Elizabeth, here's a question from oceanrose7. They ask: What the bloody heck were you thinking! Chain Jack to the ship, and leave him for dead? Come on Woman! I know you're a blonde, but still! No blonde is that stupid! (pause) That's more like an insult.

Elizabeth: I am not stupid! I was doing it for the good of the rest of our group! Better sacrifice Jack than the rest of our group. Besides, there has to be something in that contract that protects me from insults!

Angel's Star: No, sorry. I used all the insult protection on Jack and Will. You're open to insults and flying tomatoes. Anyway, oceanrose7 wrote something to me! Oh, please tell the others I said hello! By the way, I'm not a crazed fan...Just...opinionated. (pause) Of course I'll tell everybody hello!

Will: Now she'll expect the rest of them to send her personal comments.

Angel's Star: shifty eyes Maybe….? Anyway, Jack, Whyistherumgone asks: What were you before you became a pirate?

Jack: I was a boy on a merchant ship, helping when needed. Then after a few years I became a pirate.

Angel's Star: Yes, we know you're a pirate. Now your next question is from Lily-Anne. She asks: Why are you so mean to Will?

Jack: How can you not be mean to him?! It's like not breathing! It's impossible.

Will: I'm nice to you, Jack! I help you when you need help, but you just run off and leave me if I need your help!

Jack:…Pirate!

(Will rolls his eyes)

Angel's Star: Ok, then. Elizabeth, Lily-Anne asks: Do you prefer dresses or pirate clothes?

Elizabeth: Dresses of course! Ladies wear dresses and I'm a lady.

Angel's Star: glances down at her faded blue jeans No comment on my pants. Will, Lily-Anne asks: How do you feel about Jack being so mean to you? Also, where did you get the leather coat that you wore in DMC? It looked so hot!

Will: You get used to Jack being mean and using you after a while. Ladies, do NOT ever become involved with Jack.

(Audience and Angel's Star moan)

Jack: Oi! You're ruining me!

Will: I intend to! As for the coat, Elizabeth gave it to me as a present. And thank you.

Angel's Star: Be nice, Will! Jack was going to show me around the _Pearl_ later.

Will: Were you not listening when I said not to get involved with him?

Angel's Star:…I have a short attention span…Anyway! Jack, Random Authoress asks: Have you ever had to fight Gibbs for the rum?

Jack: No, he knows who gets rum first. If he ever forgets, he'll take a nice long dip in the ocean.

Angel's Star: Ok, well, Lahara asks: Was there, at any point in your life, that you wanted to be something other than a pirate?

Jack: No, I always knew I wanted to be a pirate. I admired their freedom and the adventures they got to take. When I got the chance, I became a pirate meself.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, then. Elizabeth, here's a question for you and, no, it's not an insult. Nerd's United asks: Have you ever played a drinking game?

Elizabeth: Certainly not! That is for pirates or other people of a lower stature.

Angel's Star: But you did get drunk! Will, Nerd's United asks: Did you ever realize how pathetic you looked in the scene where you got caught by the cannibals?

Will: I was defending myself and I don't care how pathetic I might have looked!

Jack: But you still got caught.

Will: You shut up.

Audience: Ooooooh.

Angel's Star: Calm down, guys. The show's almost over. Jack, Nerd's United asks: How did you get your hat?

Jack: I commandeered it from a man that I had to…remove, you might say.

Angel's Star: You killed him.

Jack: Aye.

Angel's Star: Alright, last question of the night goes to Jack. Nerd's United asks: When did you first read Dante's Divine Comedy?

Jack: Oh, I don't know. I hardly ever read so it makes it hard to remember when I actually did read something. It was probably a long time ago, though.

Angel's Star: Ok, well we're out of time. Next time we'll have the villain of the first POTC movie himself……Barbossa!

Jack: I'm not coming for that.

Angel's Star: Yes, you are. It's in your contract.

(Jack grumbles to himself)

Angel's Star: Anyway, be sure to ask some questions for Barbossa so he won't feel left out! See you next time! C'mon, Jack, you can show me around the _Pearl_ now.

Will: Don't blame me if he takes advantage of you!

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**A/N:** And that's the end of that chapter! Surprisingly, I did get to answer all the questions, so it's all good. Be sure to ask more questions!


	4. Episode 4

A/N: Yay! Why I said yay, I'm not quite sure, but still! Yay! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own POTC, but it would be freakin' awesome if I did.

Chapter 4

(Audience cheers wildly again as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage. She waves and sits I her seat. Finally the audience's cheers die down.)

Angel's Star: Welcome back to _Ask a Pirate!_. Wow, I'm going to have to get a better intro…Ah, well! That's what writer's are for. Anyway! Welcome back, everyone. As you all know, Barbossa will be joining us for this show.

(Audience cheers, but not as loudly as when the show began.)

Angel's Star: Yes, I know we're all anxious to get him and the rest of the cast out here, so please welcome Jack, Will, Elizabeth, and Barbossa!

(Audience claps and hollers wildly as the stars and Barbossa walk out on stage.)

Angel's Star: Hey, everybody! Have a nice weekend?

Elizabeth: It was nice, other than the cold.

Angel's Star: Yeah, unlike in the Caribbean, it gets cold here. Will? How was your weekend?

Will: It was great, thanks. You finally let us walk around in the real world while you were on your date with Jack.

Angel's Star: It wasn't a date.

Will: Really? How was your _date_ with the captain?

Angel's Star: (gets the dreamy look for a second) It was great. (snaps out of it) Anyway! I know how Jack's weekend was, 'cause I was with him. Barbossa, how was our weekend?

Barbossa: It was dark and cramped in that closet.

Angel's Star: It wasn't a closet! (shifty eyes) It was my brother's room.

Barbossa: (shrugs) It was still cramped.

Angel's Star: I imagine it would be. ANYWAY! Barbossa, the first question of the evening is for you. Akukama says: Pick one: apples or UNCURSED Aztec gold.

Barbossa: Are they all going to be this hard?

(Angel's Star shrugs)

Barbossa: (thinks hard) If I can only chose one, it be the Aztec gold.

Angel's Star: Interesting…Jack, oceanrose7 asks: You said that you love ALL women? Like, even OLD ones? Old like my grandma?

Jack: Alright, I retract my statement about the women. No, I do not love…(shudders) grandmas.

Will: Why? Do they scare you?

Jack: No, they're wrinkled! I can't seduce something wrinkled!

(Awkward silence)

Angel's Star: (clears her throat) I'd hope you wouldn't. Anyway, this isn't really a question for anyone in particular, but redandblack 4eva asked it, so here it is: Why in the world does anyone think that Jack and Elizabeth belong together?

Elizabeth: I have no idea! After that kiss, the world seems to have gone crazy with putting us together.

Jack: It must be a sign that we're meant to be.

Elizabeth: No, I'm with Will and forever shall be!

Angel's Star: Well, Will…Haha, that was funny. Well, Will. HA! Will, redandblack 4eva also said that she loves you and that you are hotter than Jack, which I completely disagree with.

Will: You would. Thank you, redandblack 4eva. I'll remember that.

Jack: That was just a confidence booster from a concerned fan.

Will: You're just jealous.

Jack: How can I be jealous? I've got the hostess of the show dating me.

Angel's Star: It's not official, Jack. Will, here's a question for you. It's from SirenoftheStorm: Why don't you seem to know anything about your life before you were found? Why was it so surprising that your father was a pirate? I mean you were like eleven or so, wouldn't you have figured that out by then on your own, if you were on a pirate ship and all?

Jack: The first question's easy. It's because there's not much to his life before he was found.

Angel's Star: Jack! Go ahead, Will.

Will: (glares at Jack) I just don't talk about my life much before I was found. I know some, but not all because I had some minor memory loss when the ship I was on was attacked and I was knocked out. My mother kept my father's piracy a secret from me. All I knew was that he had gone off the be a merchant sailor, or something like that. I was never on a pirate ship. When Norrington's crew found me, I had been sailing to another port with my mother.

Angel's Star: Poor Will. Barbossa, here's another question for you.

(Barbossa groans)

Angel's Star: (ignoring it) It's from SirenoftheStorm. She asks: Why do you refuse to die permanently? And how the heck did you get there at the end of the second movie?

Barbossa: I refuse to die, because I don't want to die.

Angel's Star: You sound like my brother, although not with the dying part.

Barbossa: As for getting to Tia Dalma's house…thing… Everything was black and then the next thing I knew that blasted woman was standing over me chanting something.

Angel's Star: She freaks me out too, don't worry. Jack, teatowels asks: How do you and a group of friends commandeer an army or navy object without being killed?

Jack: Because I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?

Angel's Star: How about a deeper explanation?

Jack: Alright, the king's navy are all idiots and it's easy to sneak past them if you know how. I happen to know how.

Angel's Star: And Will does too.

Jack: Aye.

Angel's Star: Barbossa, teatowels has a question for you too. They ask: What's with the monkey? is it because you have no friends?

Barbossa: It's because monkeys are better than parrots! Who wants a parrot that would mess up ye're good coat?

Angel's Star: I had some ducks once that messed up my shirts and pants.

Barbossa: Me point exactly. Birds are unreliable. Monkeys are loyal.

Angel's Star: Ok then. Will, teatowels asks: What are you going to be for Halloween?

Will: What kind of question is this?

Angel's Star: A funny one! Answer!

Will: Well, I wasn't planning on being anything, but I could be a pirate, I guess.

Angel's Star: Be original, Will! That's what I'm going to be!

Will: I don't know what I'd be then, if anything.

Angel's Star: Alright. Elizabeth, teatowels asks: What would you do if a dog tiddled on you?

Elizabeth: I beg your pardon?

Angel's Star: If he peed on you, in other words.

Elizabeth: I'd shoo the dog away and quickly get on a new dress.

Angel's Star: (whispers) She'd freak out, of course.

Elizabeth: What?

Angel's Star: Nothing! Jack, free2thamax asks: Would you rather kiss me or be thrown off a cliff?

Jack: If you're a woman I'd kiss you. If you're a man, I'd rather be thrown off a cliff.

Angel's Star: Wise answer. Will, why did you decide to be all coolish in the second movie?

Will: I wasn't behaving any differently than I normally would in those situations.

Angel's Star: I thought you were very brave.

Will: Thank you.

Angel's Star: Ok, Elizabeth, free2thamax also asked: Why do you live to make my life miserable? (pause) That was mean!

Elizabeth: I wish I had signed a contract with insult protection like Will!

Angel's Star: I'll see what I can do to get you partial protection after the show, but you have to answer the question.

Elizabeth: I have not done a thing to you, so why would I make you miserable?

Angel's Star: Um, well, that wasn't really an answer, but anyway! Jack, PSManiac asks: What would you rather have, all the treasure in the world or all the rum in the world? Chose carefully and don't say both!

Jack: (thinks a minute) I'll say all the rum in the world.

Will: Do I dare ask why?

Jack: Once I get all the rum in the world, I can go find all the treasure in the world and go about being a pirate.

Angel's Star: Nice. Barbossa, Jacquotte asks: What kind of apples do you prefer to eat; sour or sweet? Honey crisp, McIntosh, Empire, Red Delicious, Cortland, Macon, Gala, Fuji, Fortune, Granny Smiths, etc. (pause) And they said they also love apples.

Barbossa: I don't know what they're called, but they are sort of sweet and green.

Jack: I don't care for them.

Angel's Star: I don't like the green ones either. Elizabeth, Billie Bobbington asks: Ever consider lesbianism?

Elizabeth: Ew! Never!

Angel's Star: Good. Now Alel also has a question for you. They ask: I think you've been lying throughout much of this interview thingy, all this sudden interest in being ladylike, and being hopelessly devoted the eunu- er, I mean Will. Comments?

Elizabeth: I have not been lying! I love Will with all my heart and I'm truly a lady at heart, not a pirate.

Angel's Star: Suuuure. Will, Alel asks: What happened to your nice hat from Jack's hanging? And how'd you even GET that, were they having a special half-off pompous hats sale?

Will: Actually, you could say I "commandeered" it, as Jack would say.

Jack: So that's how you got it!

Will: I really shouldn't have taken it, but you influenced me too much.

Angel's Star: (laughing at Will's comment) Barbossa, Alel asks you: How does it feel to be so evil that Hell itself spat you back out? And do you mind teaching me the noble art of evilism? And why do you like apples so much?

Barbossa: It doesn't feel any different than how I've always felt really. I would be happy to teach you how to be so evil Hell itself will spit you back out. As for apples, I've always liked them. I grew up eating them all the time.

Jack: We don't need another evil pirate who'll steal me ship.

Angel's Star: We won't let another one near your ship. But, anyway, Jack, Alel asks: If you had to pick between being stranded on an island with Scarlett, Giselle, or Lizzie (or me!) which one would you choose? Keep in mind, cannibalism is prohibited.

Jack: Well, I've been stranded on an island with Elizabeth and she burned me rum…not that I had a choice the first time. I don't know you, so I don't know what to say to that, but if you're a woman I might. And Giselle and Scarlett are currently mad at me and they slap me, but I don't deserve it.

Angel's Star: You have to pick one.

Jack: Well, even though she burned my rum, Elizabeth was pretty good company when she got drunk. So long as I hide my rum, it will be alright. I might also pick Alel, even though I haven't met her.

Elizabeth: Why do you want to chose me?!

Jack: I already explained myself, love. I won't explain again.

Angel's Star: Alright, then. Jack and Barbossa, this question is for both of you. Red VanE asks: Which is more appropriate for a pirate : "ar!" or "yar"?

Will: Does it matter?

(Jack shrugs)

Barbossa: Personally I like "ar!"

Jack: I don't know as it matters, to be honest.

Will: And Jack's not honest often.

Jack: But when I am, everybody's surprised.

Angel's Star: Ok, this next question from Red VanE is for Will. She asks: Which sword is the longest, yours of Jack's? (pause) And since this can be taken a perverted way (even she said so herself), I will clarify. I'm talking about the actual metal swords you take out and have sword fights with.

Jack: Mine's longer!

Will: What?! (pulls out his sword)

(Jack reflexively draws his sword)

Angel's Star: Whoa, guys! (jumps up and takes the weapons) Let me compare them, ok? (pauses and compares them) They look even, alright?

Jack: What?! Mine's longer!

Angel's Star: (hands the weapons back) We'll measure them after the show and give the results next time, ok?

(Jack and Will reluctantly agree)

Angel's Star: Elizabeth, Red VanE asks: What would you do if you saw Will kiss an other woman as passionately as you kissed Jack?

Elizabeth: Simple. I wouldn't marry him.

Angel's Star: Poor Will. He'll marry you even after you kissed Jack like that. But ANYWAY! Barbossa, Random Authoress asks: Are you going to make Jack buy you a new hat?

Barbossa: (looks up at his hat) I should. He promised me one. (glares at Jack)

Jack: (looks around nervously) Look at the time! I have to go.

Angel's Star: Jack! Sit back down. We're almost done. Barbossa, here's another question from Nerd's United. They ask: Why are you so freaking creepy? Ever fallen in love?

Barbossa: I'm creepy? (shrugs) I didn't know I was. I had fallen in love many years ago, but she got killed.

Angel's Star: Poor Barbossa. This question is for everybody from Nerd's United. They ask: What does rum taste like?

Elizabeth: It tastes very vile and sour and almost makes you choke.

Jack: What are you talking about?! It's the best drink in the world! I couldn't live without me rum.

Angel's Star: I'll bet you couldn't. Will, Nerd's United asks: Have YOU ever played any drinking games? Why doesn't anyone play drinking games?! Why do you always such stupid stuff?

Will: No, I've never played a drinking game.

Jack: I have!!

Will: You would have. I do not say stupid things! I say what I need to.

Angel's Star: And some of it might happen to sound stupid. Ok, I saved this question for last because I thought it was a pretty cool question. This is for everybody from RubyVulpix. They ask: If you would get any super power(like the ones superheroes and super villains have)what would it be and how would you use those powers in your lives?

Barbossa: I would have extra strength so I could crush Jack!

Jack: (cowers in fear slightly for a second) Oh yeah? (draws sword) I want more strength than you so I can crush YOU!

Angel's Star: Really? I figured you'd say something like Rum Vision.

Jack: (puts his sword away) Is there such a thing? If there is I want that too.

Elizabeth: (rolls her eyes) I want something useful. Maybe the ability to transport myself to wherever I want. I could escape from danger or rush to Will's side.

Will: I would have to say extra wisdom so I could decide whether Jack is lying to me again and if I should go help him or not.

Jack: You wouldn't help me if I needed help? William, I'm hurt.

Will: Oh, fine, I would help you anyway.

Jack: Good because there's this crazed fan girl…

Angel's Star: You guys we've gone over time! I'm going to have to extend this show to an hour…Anyway! Thank you for tuning in. Be sure to join us next time!

(Screen fades to black as the cast say a few last words to one another)

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**A/N:** And so, that concludes the latest addition to _Ask a Pirate!_. Please review and ask lots of questions!


	5. Episode 5

A/N: Ok so lets just skip the chat and get right to the story, shall we?

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I still don't own POTC…Ah well….

Chapter 5

(Angel's Star walks out onto the stage as the audience claps and cheers wildly)

Angel's Star: Welcome back! Gah…still no new intro thing. Stupid writers!! Anywho, since we had so many questions asked for Barbossa and Norrington that they haven't got to answer yet, I have brought them both back for this special addition of _Ask a Pirate!_!

(Audience cheers likes crazy at the surprise)

Angel's Star: Yes, and none of the other cast knows about it, so lets go ahead and get them out here so they can find out! Jack, Will, Elizabeth, come on out!

(The three walk out like the pros they have become and sit down in their chairs. The audience finally calms down so Angel's Star can speak again)

Angel's Star: Ok, guys, I've got a surprise and I hope that Jack won't kill me 'cause he'll probably dislike it the most.

Jack: Oh no, here we go. (calls off stage) Where's me rum?!

(Some random stage hand runs out onto stage and hands him the rum)

Jack: Thanks, mate.

Stage hand: Jack, er, I mean, Captain Jack, I, no, WE love you!!!

Jack: Say wha'? We??

(Stage hand takes off hat to reveal herself as Alel. Almenel-Miriel, mrspatrickdepmsy, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsSaints, and Lahara rush out on stage and grab onto Jack) (Sorry, had to do it!)

All: We love you!!

Jack: Will, it's the crazed fan girl I was telling you about!

Will: Which one?!

Angel's Star: Security!

(Security guards rush out and grab the wiggling Jack fan girls and escort them off-stage)

Angel's Star: Wow that's never happened before.

Jack: Ye're telling me…

Angel's Star: Alel was the one who wanted you to pick her remember?

Jack: I'll pick her if she won't do that again.

Angel's Star: I'm sure she won't. Anywho! Here's the surprise: Barbossa and Norrington will both be appearing on this episode!

(Barbossa and Norrington walk out onto the stage and the crowd goes wild)

Jack: This is great…Two of the three men who want to kill me together at once…

Angel's Star: You'll be ok. I promise. They'll sit waaaay over there.

(Norrington and Barbossa sit down in chairs far apart from each other)

Angel's Star: After last episode, I'm scared to ask how you guys have been so lets just jump right into the questions, shall we? Norrington, the first question of the night is for you. SirenoftheStorm asks: What's your sexual history? I mean you're pretty hot without the wig, you must have been getting some action at SOME point, right?

Norrington: (turns bright red) Um, yes, I have had "action" before I got the wig. After that I had no more "action," as you say.

Jack: Wouldn't that have given ye a hint about the bloody wig?

Norrington: You stay out of this, pirate.

Angel's Star: Now, guys! Elizabeth, Brix asks: Did you know you can pinpoint the exact point when Will's heart is crushed as he watches you kiss Jack?

Elizabeth: You can?

Angel's Star: Lights!

(Lights turn out and a big screen appears out of the floor. The crew plays the clip of Elizabeth and Jack kissing then the TV goes back into the floor and the lights turn on)

Jack: Good times…

(Will glares at Jack)

Elizabeth: I guess you can see it…

Angel's Star: You bet you can! Will, Brix asks: Will, did you teach yourself to swordfight or did someone else teach you? You are a brilliant fighter and you are the best in all the movies.

Will: I began to teach myself shortly after Norrington and his crew rescued me. And thank you for the compliment.

Angel's Star: Speaking of swords, you guys. Jack's sword turned out to be just a little bit longer than Will's after all.

Jack: Told ye.

Angel's Star: But back to the questions. Jack, Brix asks: Beckett said you each branded each other. Beckett branded you with a 'P' but what did you brand him with?

Jack: I left him with quite a few less ships in his trade company than before we met, so technically I did not brand him. I hurt his pride, though.

Angel's Star: Oh! And they gave us a cookie each! (hands out the cookies) Yummy! Thank you! Anyway, Barbossa, Almenel-Miriel asks: Why do you call the Black Pearl your ship when everyone knows it isn't? (pause) Oh and, Jack, she says you look hot in makeup.

Jack: Thank ye, love!

Barbossa: It was my ship for the time when Jack was stuck on that island! I just keep calling it mine because I commanded it better.

Jack: Did not!!

Angel's Star: Guys! Chill! Barbossa, mrspatrickdempsey asks: You said that you were once in love with a girl (I'm hoping...) and she died. What happened to her?

Barbossa: She got too brave during a pirate raid and a pirate killed her. Ironic how I became I pirate meself later…

Angel's Star: Yeah…Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: First I'd like to say I LOVE YOU! And you kick Will Turner's arse any day. Ok now the question, what was it like at World's End? And how exactly did you "know" Tia Dalma?

Jack: Well, it was dark, humid, and damp. I won't tell ye about the scenery before you see the next movie where ye will hopefully see it. As for Tia Dalma, I've done business with her before.

Angel's Star: I won't ask. Will, mrspatrickdempsey asks, well says: Ok, obviously you don't like me right now after my comment about you.. hehe but the leather jacket that you wore in DMC, when you went to the Pelogostos's island you didn't have it with you then it magically appears after you leave the island. I want an explanation.

Will: I found it on the ship when we were leaving and I just decided to put it on.

Angel's Star: Ok, Elizabeth, mrspatrickdempsey says: I'd just like to say I don't know why people hate you but I don't. Ok, why did you choose to send Jack down with the Pearl?! He's freaking Captain Jack Sparrow. Come on, woman! Other then that you rock.

Elizabeth: Um…thank you? I sent him to the depths because the Kraken was after him, not the rest of us. Why kill us all when only one life has to be sacrificed?

Jack: I'm hurt, Elizabeth!

Angel's Star: That is no good reason to kill him! Better he live and you die than the other way around. (shakes her head) Jack, Rebecca Hennessy asks: Have you got any siblings? If so what are they called?

Jack: I don't have any siblings. Well…not unless me mother had more after I left, but I think she died shortly after that.

Angel's Star: She died of heartache, you know that, right?

Jack: I did what I had to do.

Angel's Star: Obviously you have no regrets. Will, Rebecca Hennessy asks: Which would you rather have your father be? Merchant sailor or pirate?

Will: I would have rathered he be a merchant sailor. That way he would probably still be alive and not on Davy Jones' ship.

Jack: I use merchant sailor's ships as target practice!

(Awkward silence)

Angel's Star: Um…he might have died anyway then. Um…yeah…Elizabeth, Rebecca Hennessy asks: Could you ever see Tia Dalma as any sort of use?

Elizabeth: Yes, actually, I could, which surprises me. And I know Jack will never let me forget what I am about to say, but if it weren't for Tia Dalma, Jack would probably still be at World's End.

Jack: I knew we had something!

Angel's Star: I thought _we_ had something, Jack! I'm hurt…(sighs) Well, Jack, Trek Phan of the Caribbean asks: What is the story of the reindeer shin bone in your hair?

Jack: I got it shortly after I decided to be a pirate. The merchant ship I was on got caught in a hurricane and was destroyed. I made it to an island with a small town on it. They fed me reindeer meet and I decided to keep one of the bones because that's what pirates do. They collect things like that.

Angel's Star: I must be a pirate…I collect lots of things…Well, Barbossa, you must be feeling left out by now. Trek Phan of the Caribbean asks: Why did you name the monkey "Jack?"

Barbossa: I think it was to make fun of the memory of Jack Sparrow in a way. I can't remember exactly.

(Monkey screeches)

Angel's Star: Why would you want to make fun of Jack?! How mean…Elizabeth, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsSaints asks: I think you're in denial. And not just any denial, huge denial. Anyways, I have a question for you. Did you really chain Jack to that mast so your life would be spared? OR Did you do it because you knew you loved Jack and the compass pointed to him- Sorry, Will, it did. And for all of those who don't know what the bloody compass does it points to the thing you want the most- but you didn't want to hurt Will so you killed Jack thinking it would rid you of your problems? Honest answer, love.

(Every eye turns to Elizabeth)

Elizabeth: Can Will be absent when I answer this question?

Angel's Star: No, now answer!

Elizabeth: Um…I-

(A bottle smashes and Will falls to the floor. Every eye turns to Jack who's now holding a broken rum bottle)

Jack: Now ye can answer.

Elizabeth: Umm…Well I felt like I was getting too close to Jack and I was about to marry Will. Yes, I didn't want to hurt Will, but I didn't want to hurt Jack either, but there was no other way than to kill him. And I partially chained him to the mast because I did not want more people to die than necessary.

Angel's Star: Ok, well, now that you're done, we can get some people out here to revive Will. Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsSaints asks: Who was the girl you lost your virginity to? Because we all know you're not a virgin. (pause) And she says she has a shrine dedicated to you, you're so much hotter than Will 'cause he's a eunuch…Snip. Snip. And she loves you.

Jack: I can't remember her name, there have been so many…She had brown hair. I think. There have been so many brown haired women. And blondes…

Angel's Star: Oh lookie! Will's up just in time for his question! DarlingOfAngelsDemonsSaints asks: Why were you going to leave Jack on the island if you needed the compass? Are you that afraid of cannibals? (pause) And she says you're in denial and that you're a eunuch.

Will: Why'd I have to wake up in time for my question? (sighs) Cannibals do scare me. Especially when they have bones sticking in places bones are not supposed to be. As for the compass, he's Captain Jack Sparrow. He can handle himself. I knew he would get off that island even if he had to strap more turtles to his feet.

Jack: That wasn't the most pleasant experience.

Angel's Star: Ok, next question is for Norrington and it's from…Oh boy it's from my brother. Adam asks: Is it true that you taste like vanilla ice cream? For people who don't know, Norrington said he felt like an ice cream in the first POTC's extras.

Norrington: What?! I do NOT taste like vanilla ice cream! I don't even resemble ice cream!

Angel's Star: You do too resemble ice cream with that wig on!

Norrington: I do not!

Angel's Star: Do TOO!

(They continue fighting and Will grabs the cards with the questions on them)

Will: I'll take over for Angel's Star while she's………preoccupied. Jack, RubyVulpix asks: Jack, I mean, Captain Jack Sparrow (Just in case!) is there a reason why you called your ship the Black Pearl?

Jack: Pearls are fun to steal because they're so valuable and me ship's black. As for putting Pearl into the name. I don't know where I got it. It just suited her.

Angel's Star: You do too and don't you keep fighting with me! I'm the hostess of the show!!

(Norrington grumbles and sits back in his chair)

Angel's Star: Thanks, Will, for taking over for me. (takes cards back) RubyVulpix asks: Also still on my super power question, if you had those super powers you said you would have and would become super heroes (or in the case of Barbossa, a super villain) what would your super names be? (I think I can guess that Jack's super name would be Captain Sparrow!)

Jack: Ha! That's good! I'll use that one. Will can be me sidekick The Incredible Eunuch! Though he's not incredible…

Will: (sarcastic) Thanks…

Elizabeth: I was actually thinking about that! I would be Super Liz!

Will: I don't know what I would be called, but I would never be Jack's sidekick.

Angel's Star: You already are.

Will: (ignoring her) I guess I'd just be The Incredible Swordsman

Angel's Star: Suit yourself. Barbossa?

Barbossa: I would probably be The Dark Cloud because I wear all black.

Angel's Star: (snickering) A…dark…cloud?!

Barbossa: Fine, I'll be-

Jack: (laughing hysterically) Ye can't change it now!

Angel's Star: Nope! You can't! (laughing) Will, RubyVulpix…um…typed E's question out here: William Turner, dahling, what is the reason that you were wearing a cape at ze end of ze first movie? You should know that capes are dangerous! NO CAPES! Capes are a disaster just waiting to happen! What would you do if your cape got stuck on something and would strangle you eh? Other than that you really have great fashion sense, William, dahling.

Will: Um…I don't know. I thought it looked cool, but I wasn't thinking it would get stuck on something and strangle me. I never thought of that. I won't wear one again.

Angel's Star: Good 'cause you looked like one of the Three Musketeers. Ok, Alel has a question for everyone: If this was Survivor, who'd survive?

Jack: I would!!

Norrington: No, you would be the first to go if I had any say in it. Or Angel's Star…

Angel's Star: Nobody ever said I was going to be on it with you guys!

Norrington: You are now and you'll be one of the first to go!

Angel's Star: No, Elizabeth will! She can't even be in the same room with a bug!

Jack: Norrington would be second after Elizabeth to go because he doesn't have pirate instincts like me!

Barbossa: I might even help ye get rid of him, Jack.

Jack: Then I'll get rid of you!

Angel's Star: Ok, guys, chill! We'll test this out after the show and give them the answers next time. Red VanE asks: What's your favorite TV show?

Elizabeth: Sop operas!

Jack: We all knew that…

Norrington: I don't watch TV.

Will: I don't either.

Barbossa: I'm to busy being evil to watch TV….

Jack: I like the action shows.

Angel's Star: Ok, Jack, Red VanE asks: Do you bathe often?

Jack: To be honest, no. Unless you count being in the ocean a bath…

Angel's Star: And surprisingly, guys, he doesn't smell horrible. Elizabeth, Red VanE asks: Other then Will or Jack and living happily forever after with anyone of the two, what do you wish for the most? It can be anything!

Elizabeth: Anything? Oh wow…Um…I don't know…Maybe either to be more of a lady or to be thinner.

Angel's Star: You're so vain… Will, Red VanE asks: I've heard rumors of a twisted plot line that in POTC 3 it should be revealed that you and your father are related to Jack Sparrow. Like, Jack is really your cousin (or maybe your cousin's cousin) and that this information should be revealed in the next movie... Any comments ? How about you, Jack ?

Will: Don't scare me like that! Oh, I hope it isn't true…

Jack: William's alright as a friend, but not as a relative. I wouldn't care to be related to him. He's a eunuch, after all.

Angel's Star: Ok then. Barbossa, PSManiac asks: Why do you call your monkey Jack and how did you get him? (pause) Just answer the last one.

Barbossa: In one of our pirate raids, one of the men saw him and brought him back to me. I tried to get rid of him, but he wouldn't leave, so we kept him.

Angel's Star: Creepy monkey…Jack, Lahara asks: Last episode Captain Jack Sparrow said he likes to play drinking games. What sort of games, and would you like to play them with me? And yes... before you ask I am very female.

Jack: I'll play any drinking game! I'm not picky about it. Aye, I'll play one with you.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Barbossa, er…Dark Cloud (snickers), Lahara asks: What do you have against parrots?? They're far more cute than monkeys and don't fling poo!! On a related topic... that was kind of mean to name the monkey Jack. How did Captain Jack not know the monkey was named Jack if the monkey got cursed with all the rest of Captain Jack's... er... ex-crew? Do you go through monkeys quickly or something?

Barbossa: I have nothing against parrots, but they mess up ye're good coats. I prefer monkeys. I got the monkey shortly after we mutinied against Jack and aye, it was mean to name the monkey after Jack, but we didn't have fond memories of him. And no, this is the only monkey I've ever had.

Angel's Star: Elizabeth, you're question's kind of funny. Lahara asks: I bet you get a lot of blonde jokes. Got any good ones to share? If not... I'm sure Jack knows a few.

Elizabeth: What? I've never had anyone tell me a "blonde joke," as you say.

Angel's Star: Well let me give you your first! This blonde kept going out to her mail box and looking in it then walking back into her house. So eventually, her neighbor decided to ask what she was doing. The blonde replied, "My computer keeps saying I've got mail, but when I come out here there isn't any mail here!"

(Elizabeth rolls her eyes. Jack laughs hysterically. Will tried not to laugh)

Angel's Star: Well, you guys, that's all the time we have for today! Jack, Will, and Elizabeth will be back next time, but Barbossa and Norrington won't.

Norrington: Thank goodness…

Angel's Star: (ignoring him) Be sure to ask plenty of questions! See you next time!

(Screen fades to black)

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**A/N:** This would have to be my longest chapter ever! I won't prolong it any longer, so just go ahead and click the little review button and make me smile!


	6. Episode 6

A/N: I'm sooo on a POTC roll here! I'll try to continue making the most of it, guys. Oh and thank ya'll so much for all the reviews and support! There would be no story with out you guys.

Disclaimer: POTC doesn't belong to me…so sad.

Chapter 6

(Once again, the audience cheers wildly as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage and sits down)

Angel's Star: I'm baaaack! And there's a new intro thing for me. Anyway, I don't have any special surprises this week, so why don't we go ahead and get Jack, Will, and Elizabeth out here?

(The three walk out and the audience goes crazy)

Angel's Star: Welcome back again, guys!

Jack: Ye haven't got another "surprise" for me, do ye?

Angel's Star: Nope! Not this time.

(Jack sighs with relief)

Angel's Star: Will, why do you look so nervous? You can't be too nervous about coming out here after all these shows so far.

Will: I'm keeping on guard for any crazy fan girls.

Angel's Star: Oh. You don't have to worry. After the last show with Jack and his crazy fan girls, we increased security.

(Will also sighs with relief)

Angel's Star: Well, after we all get done sighing up here, we can get started with the questions. (waits a minute) Everybody ready?

(They nod)

Angel's Star: Good! Will and Elizabeth, this first question is for you. AbbieNormal182 asks: Okay, Will and Elizabeth: Has it occurred to you yet that if you can't talk about things together (i.e. Will saw Elizabeth kissing Jack and he never once said anything to her about it...) your relationship isn't going to last very long?

Will: We have talked about it…some.

Elizabeth: We were actually talking about it a few moments before the show when Jack wasn't around.

Jack: Ye can't talk about those things in front of dear ol' Jack, eh?

Will and Elizabeth: No.

Angel's Star: Poor Jack is all left out. But not for long! Jack, AbbieNormal182 asks: Wherever did you get that bandana you wear? And will you ever wash it?

Jack: Of course I'll wash it! It gets washed every time I get in the ocean…I found it in a small town. It was actually one of the first things I ever stole.

Angel's Star: Cool! I've always liked it. Jack, Ariel Sparrow asks: Will you marry me?

Jack: I'm sorry, love, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disincline…at least until I meet you.

Angel's Star: What?! You won't marry me!

Jack: You never asked!

Angel's Star: It's the guy that's supposed to ask…Elizabeth, Ariel Sparrow asks: Where do you get your dresses? They're freakin' huge!

Elizabeth: I have them custom made, but as for them being big, I put something under them to add volume.

Angel's Star: If you already think you're fat, you don't need anything else to encourage that thinking. Will, Ariel Sparrow asks: Are you actually a eunuch?

Will: Of course not! That's something Jack made up!

Angel's Star: I'd hope so… Ok, this is a question for everybody from iloveyouall!. They ask: What would you take with you for a barren island? (Jack, you must say something else than rum!)

Jack: No rum? What kind of island is that? Ah well, I'll take along a pretty girl.

Will: I'd bring food. Who wants to starve?

Angel's Star: Ever the practical one.

Elizabeth: I would probably take some books so I wouldn't be too bored.

Angel's Star: You wouldn't be bored with Jack on the island. Anyway, Will, iloveyouall! asks: What do you eat for breakfast?

Will: I depends on the day. This morning I had some of your cereal.

Angel's Star: So that's why there wasn't any! Well, that's what Wal-Mart is for. Jack, iloveyouall! asks: Where did you hear about "the key?"

Jack: I first heard about it in Tortuga. I couple men were talking about it, but I just figured it was a rumor. They were really drunk.

Angel's Star: Turned out they were telling the truth. Elizabeth, iloveyouall! asks: Which of the villains were more terrifying, the skeletons or the "sea bugs?"

Elizabeth: I've always been frightened by bugs, so I'll have to go with the sea bugs.

Angel's Star: I'll have to remember that…Jack, DxS Phreak asks: Hey, Jack...why are you so irresistible to women like me? (Yes, you're Cap'n Jack...yes, I'm a female.) AND CAN I MAKE OUT WITH YOU OMG!

Jack: It's simple: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! I'm irresistible to all women. Including Elizabeth.

(Elizabeth huffs)

Jack: If you will meet me after the show I'll see what I can do.

Angel's Star: What about me?!

Jack: After you then.

Angel's Star: Oh alright….Oh! The bug question reminded me: Elizabeth would be first to go if this were Survivor. Then Norrington, surprisingly. I was after him and Barbossa after me and it would probably be a tie between Jack and Will.

Jack: I would beat the eunuch.

Will: I'm not a eunuch and you wouldn't beat me!

Angel's Star: Chill guys! Jack, Flightless-Sparrow asks: How are you so sure that Will's a eunuch and why do mention it so often?

Jack: He had no girl when I first met him-

Will: I almost did!

Jack: Almost isn't good enough. And I mention it because everyone needs to know. And I think its funny to watch him get mad.

Angel's Star: It _is _funny. (laughs) Elizabeth, Flightless-Sparrow asks: You got awfully close to kissing Jack when you pulled out of Tortuga. If he hadn't have pulled away after seeing the Black Spot, would you have kissed him?

Elizabeth: It was all a test to see how much he respected me. I'm afraid, though, if he hadn't seen the Black Spot, he would have.

Angel's Star: You know you would've liked it! Jack, Midnight Emerald asks: How do you know that Will is a eunuch? And what was it like being an undead skeleton person thingy? (pause) Just answer the last question 'cause you already answered the first.

Jack: It was…interesting…to say the least. I couldn't feel anything, but it was fun twirling the coin between my fingers, er, uh, bones.

Angel's Star: Will, Midnight Emerald asks: What was the point of blowing up the Kraken's tentacles? I mean all you did was make it angrier. Giant sea monsters have feelings too. And why are you so lame all the time? I mean you practically wet yourself when Elizabeth got kidnapped in the Curse of the Black Pearl!

Will: I was trying to buy us enough time to get away from the ship and hopefully to safety. The Kraken has no feelings! It tried to eat us! And I did NOT about wet myself after Elizabeth got kidnapped. I was just really worried.

Angel's Star: Back to the Kraken, though, just because it tried to eat you doesn't mean it doesn't have feelings!

Jack: I'm not sure that I care if it has feelings after it ATE ME!

Angel's Star: I'm sure you wouldn't. Elizabeth, Midnight Emerald asks: Would you ever consider dating Jack or was the really passionate kill at the end of Dead Man's Chest just a passing urge?

Elizabeth: Um, well, I wouldn't consider dating Jack because Will is my fiancée. It might have been a passing urge to kill him…I'm not sure. I haven't wanted to ever since.

Jack: Oh, ye just get passing urges to kill people?! What a hobby ye have…

Angel's Star: I'll say… Oh, Jack, Midnight Emerald also says: I think your so totally awesome, even though I am a woman and I do not fancy you, but you so are miles better than Will and can I join you're crew? Please?

Jack: Are ye any good on a ship? If ye are, we'll see.

Angel's Star: Jack, mrs. Sparrow asks: Why didn't you just leap off the Black Pearl when you got the handcuffs that ELIZABETH SWANN (evil glare) put on you? Also, I think you're SEXY and Will doesn't even compare, even though I think Elizabeth deserves a slap from Will for breaking his heart!

Jack: It would have gotten me anyway. I would have rathered go down fighting than running.

Will: Even though you were running to begin with?

Jack: Aye.

Angel's Star: Elizabeth, I haven't gotten around to getting you any insult protection, so here's you an insult from mrs. Sparrow: How come you're such a slut?

Elizabeth: I am not a slut!

Angel's Star: Just keep telling yourself that. Will, Irite4uall asks: First of all, I have to say that you are 9,368,754,198,415 times hotter than Captain Jack! Anyway, what was going through your head when you first met your father? What was your experience on the Flying Dutchman really like? (I cried when your father had to whip you like that!)

Will: Thank you!

Jack: Now _ye_ just keep telling yerself that, but ye see who's got all the women.

Will: (ignoring him) I was shocked about first meeting my father. I knew he died, so I couldn't believe it when we finally did meet. I hated my experience on the Flying Dutchman except for when I met my father. I had never gotten whipped before and it was not a pleasant experience.

Angel's Star: I imagine not. Jack, (laughs) oh boy, this one's funny. Irite4uall asks: Say you were trapped on an island with Davy Jones, Barbossa, Norrington, and an old wrinkly grandma. God was holding the Black Pearl hostage, and would only give her back and help you get off the island if you never drank rum again. If you did, you'd be chained to the old wrinkly grandma for the rest of your life. What would you do?

Jack: Is this really going to happen?

Angel's Star: No.

Jack: Well, I'd promise never to drink rum again so I could get off the bloody island and get me ship back. Then I'd go back to drinking rum. It would be unpleasant having the old, wrinkled grandma attached to me, but she'd probably die soon or get killed in one of our pirate raids anyway. Then I would get the chain off like I did with the handcuff Elizabeth put on me and be rid of the grandma forever!

Angel's Star: You're very sly, Jack. Elizabeth, Irite4uall asks: If you were trapped in a dirty, smelly, rat-infested prison and the only way out was to be forever in love with Captain Jack, what would you do?

Elizabeth: Um, well, I wouldn't want to be stuck in the prison…I would probably choose to be forever in love with Jack.

Angel's Star: Good thing these scenarios aren't real. Will, Iamanundeadmonkey asks: Why did you drop your sword when you were stuck? It would have been so much freaking easier to cut yourself out of the net...

Will: I couldn't help it! I lost my grip.

Angel's Star: And, Jack, Iamanundeadmonkey asks: When did you start wearing kohl? Is it uncomfortable to look down and see random black lines??

Jack: This person wouldn't happen to be Barbossa's undead monkey, would they?

Angel's Star: I doubt it. I'm pretty sure I saw the monkey leave with him.

Jack: Good. Anyway, I can't remember the exact time when I started wearing it. It was sometime when I first turned pirate. And after a while, ye get used to see the black lines. I don't pay them any attention.

Angel's Star: I like it. It looks hot. Elizabeth, DepplyInLove asks: You are aware that your bosom comes dangerously close to falling out of your dress, aren't you? What is your excuse for that?

Elizabeth: Um, yes, I am aware. I'm used to wearing dresses like that, though. Besides, I don't have any dresses with a higher neckline.

Angel's Star: You're crazy! You know all the guys are looking at it, don't you? Anyway, Jack, DepplyInLove asks: I love you to death and you're the most handsome man EVER! That's all I have to say. Oh, and also, will you kiss me?

Jack: Thank ye. Sure, I'll kiss ye…After Angel's Star and DxS Phreak.

Angel's Star: I'm first!

Will: You're already kissing him? I can't believe you…

Angel's Star: Oh you're just jealous that you and Elizabeth didn't kiss on your first date like Jack and me. Anyway, Will, JackSparrowIsMyLover asks: Why do you always have different outfits for each movie? Can't you stick with just one like the rest? Even though you look incredibly sexy in your new red shirt!

Will: I don't like to wear the same outfit for extended periods of time, even though Jack doesn't mind it.

Angel's Star: I don't like to either. Jack, JackSparrowIsMyLover asks, well, says: Call me! I have no life! I'm desperate! Will you sleep with me? Please? I have rum!

Jack: Um…wow…uh…maybe…?

(Will, Elizabeth, and Angel's Star laugh)

Angel's Star: Oh goodness. (chuckles) Elizabeth, JackSparrowIsMyLover asks: Do you like being called Elizabeth, Liz, or Lizzie? (pause) And surprisingly, she wants you as her sister and understands why you chained Jack to the mast.

Elizabeth: I'm flattered. Thank you. I prefer to be called Elizabeth, but if you must shorten my name then call me Liz.

Angel's Star: I'm gonna start doing that. Will, An Unknown Writer asks: Don't you get annoyed every time someone calls you a eunuch? (personally, I love you and I REALLY hope you aren't)

Will: Aye, I do get annoyed every time _someone _(glares at Jack) calls me a eunuch. I am not a eunuch, though, don't worry.

Jack: But how can we take yer word for it?

Angel's Star: Ok guys! We don't need to get into that kind of discussion here. Jack, An Unknown Writer asks: When was the first time you had rum? And how quickly did you get addicted to it?

Jack: I got addicted to it when I first drank it! And I first drank it when I was on the merchant ship.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Jack, lateBloomer04 asks: How exactly did you escape from the Kraken?

Jack: I won't say so I won't give away any parts of the next movie. You'll probably find out how in it.

Angel's Star: I can't wait for it to come out! Anyway, Will, I don't really understand this question, but anyway. latebloomer04 asks: Why are you all tied up? Who did this to you? (I want to kill them.)

Will: (looks around) I'm not tied up. I'm not sure what you mean. Sorry.

Angel's Star: Me neither. Jack, Sky Girl Butterfly asks: Why did Giselle and Scarlett slap you?

Jack: Well, uh, they had somehow found out that I had been with other women…Not quite sure how they found out.

Angel's Star: Well, ok then. Oh, Liiiiz!

Elizabeth: I should have never said I didn't mind being called Liz…

Angel's Star: Not on this show you shouldn't! Liz, Alel asks: YOU WANT TO BE THINNER? What do you want to be, invisible? (pause) But seriously though!

Elizabeth: I can't help what I want!

Angel's Star: I hate when skinny women say they need to loose weight…I'm really thin right now and I need to put on a couple pounds!

Elizabeth: See? Each woman has her own preference.

Angel's Star: Yeah, and yours is weird. Jack, Rebecca Hennessey asks: I think you're an awesome pirate and I am a great fan of Caribbean Twist which is an alcoholic drink with white rum in and I would like to ask what happened to Ana Maria? We didn't see her in the second movie.

Jack: She got the ship I promised her and left with it. That was the last I saw of her.

Angel's Star: Will, Rebecca Hennessey asks: I think you're pretty hot and such a lovely guy too! I would like to ask whether you drink a lot. Personally, I try and get drunk but I'm too slow.

Will: In comparison to Jack, no, I don't drink a lot. I only take a couple drinks here and there.

Angel's Star: Alright, then, Jack, RubyVulpix asks: Do you feel honored or humiliated that they made life-size animatronics versions of yourselves in the Pirates of the Caribbean rides at the Disney parks?

Jack: I'm fine with it. I don't really care one way or another about it.

Angel's Star: When I went, they didn't have the animatronics of you guys. But anyway, Will and Liz, RubyVulpix asks: Are you sad that they didn't make some of yourselves in the ride?

Will: I don't really care.

Elizabeth: I do! I'm insulted! If Jack is good enough to get one of those whatever-you-call-its made, then we should be too!

Angel's Star: Ok, chill, Liz! Jack, RubyVulpix typed Dash's question: Jack, at what age did you began your pirate career?

Jack: Officially? Around seventeen or so. At least that's when I decided to be a pirate.

Angel's Star: Ok, Liz, RubyVulpix typed Violet's question: How did you feel the first time you met Will?

Elizabeth: The first time we met, he had about drowned, so I was worried. I was also hoping he wasn't truly a pirate. Oh, and I take back what I said about being called Liz. It's just annoying now!

Angel's Star: You'll be alright. Jack, RubyVulpix typed Edna's question: Do you think that Tia Dalma has no fashion sense? Because I think she has no fashion sense! She looks like a hobo!

Jack: (laughs) No, she has no "fashion sense."

Angel's Star: Or any sense of what the word hygiene means. Anyway, Jack, RubyVulpix asks: What would you choose between a bottle a rum and a jar of dirt?

Jack: If Davy Jones isn't after me, then I'll say rum.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, everybody, PSManiac asks: Who is your favorite superhero?

Will: I like Superman!

Angel's Star: Only cause he's the only superhero you know.

Will: So?

Elizabeth: I prefer Wonder Woman. She proves that women can be strong too.

Jack: I guess Batman's alright…I like his car.

Angel's Star: Good answers, guys. Liz, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsSaints asks: What ship would you rather be on? A royal navy ship, or a pirate ship?

Elizabeth: A royal navy ship. I'd be safer on it.

Jack: I use those as target practice too!

Angel's Star: Jack uses everything as target practice nowadays…You probably wouldn't be safer on it. Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsSaints says: This is a VERY serious question. Extremely. My friend, darn her soul, thinks YOU are a EUNUCH! Yes, I know...so, tell us if you are not. And... you know... just to prove it to her... you could... Prove it to us!

(Will laughs hysterically and Jack looks completely insulted)

Will: Now who's the eunuch?

Jack: Shut up! I am NOT a eunuch. William is. And I am not going to prove it on live TV!

(Will continues laughing hysterically)

Angel's Star: I can't believe someone thinks you're a eunuch…Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: What's it going to be like with your daddy around this movie? And who is Sao Fang to you? Have you met before? Oh and I love you again. Yes, I'm a stalker, but oh well.

Jack: It will be interesting with my father around…Not quite sure what to think about it. And the name Sao Fang sounds familiar…Seems like I've met him before but I can't place him.

Angel's Star: Ok, then, Will, mrspatrickdempsey asks: When you and Lizzie get married, even though it would stink, I have come to accept it... are you going to take her out to the sea or keep her on land forever?

Will: Well, with Jack using everything on the sea as his personal target practice, I say she'd be better off on land.

Angel's Star: That would be wise. Liz, mrspatrickdempsey asks: To Will's question, what is your take on his answer and what is with the Asian outfit in AWE?

Elizabeth: I think it is safer to stay on land as well. As for the Asian outfit, I knew we were going to a strange new land, so I found the strangest clothes I could find for it.

Angel's Star: I don't think those clothes are that bad…Jack, Almenel-Miriel asks: What is it with Singapore anyway? Yes, it used to be a 'pirates haven' but the name did not even come about till 1819. What is it that you like about it anyway? I saw the third trailer...you seem to be less HOT...why?

Jack: I like Singapore because of the women there and their rum! It's good rum. I am not less "hot" in the third movie! You're imagining it.

Angel's Star: I saw that trailer too and you looked hot to me. Will, Almenel-Miriel asks: Don't you think it is kind'a stupid to propose (again?) in the middle of a battle? What if she dies after saying yes? That would kind'a stink...maybe you do deserve all the insults you get.

Will: I wanted the assurance that she would marry me, not Jack, after the battle. And if she did die, at least I would not have to wonder whether she loved me or not.

Angel's Star: Awww. Well, guys, we're out of time! Be sure to tune in next time when we will have Davy Jones himself with us!

Jack: NOOOOOO!!!!!! (panics) I want me jar of dirt!

Angel's Star: (ignoring him) We'll see you next time!

(Jack continues to panic as the screen fades to black)

-------

**A/N:** And that's a wrap! I've always wanted to say that. Be sure to review and ask Davy Jones plenty of questions!


	7. Episode 7

A/N: And here I am with over 100 reviews for this story! It just seems so surreal for it to be mine 'cause I never imagined I'd have a story that would be this popular. Thank you all so much for the support!! I will try to continue this story as long as I can.

Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own Pirates.

Chapter 7

(Audience claps and cheers wildly as Angels Star hurries out onto the stage and takes her seat)

Angel's Star: Hey and welcome back. I hope you enjoy this chapter 'cause it was rather hard "convincing" our guest star to appear on the show. But, anywho, Jack, Will, and Liz, come on out!

(The audience cheers wildly as the three walk out. Jack keeps looking over his shoulder and clutching his jar of dirt tightly until he sits down)

Elizabeth: Will you _please_ stop calling me Liz? You haven't stopped it ever since last show and I'm sick of it! You've even made up excuses to call me Liz just because I don't like it!

Angel's Star: Chill, Liz, it's just a nick name. It won't kill you.

(Elizabeth grumbles and Angel's Star notices various stage hands dumping piles of dirt around Jack and his chair)

Angel's Star: What are you doing?

Jack: Davy Jones can't set foot on land for another ten years, so I'm surrounding meself with land.

Angel's Star: (shrugs) Suit yourself. Just be sure someone cleans it up in time for next show. But anyway, will some one bring out our special guest for this episode?

Jack: Can't he just stay back there where he won't get his terrible beastie after me?

Angel's Star: Jack. The Kraken can't get out of the water. And no, he's got to be out here so he can hear his questions! Bring him out!

(Three men carry out Davy Jones who's lobster claw and tentacle and foot and peg leg are tied. They set him in his chair and put his foot and peg leg in a bucket of water. The men cut the ropes off his hands and feet and run as Davy stands up and shouts at them)

Angel's Star: See, Jack? You're safe. He can't set foot outside his bucket.

Jack: I feel better with me jar of dirt.

Angel's Star: Whatever you want. Davy! Sit down! We've got to start the show!

Davy: (reluctantly sits since he can't go anywhere until Angel's Star sees fit) Bloody loop holes…

(Jack laughs to himself)

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Davy, what we do on this show is I'll ask you a question from one of our viewers and you have to answer it. Got it? Your first question is from Primarch Azrael the Jackdaw and they ask: Where did you learn to play pipe organ? Because you rock at it.

Davy: I learned back when I was human.

Jack: That's a scary thought.

Davy: What did you say?!

Angel's Star: Calm down, Davy! Your next question is from Akukama and they ask: Ever had calamari? Just wondering…

Davy: What's that?

Angel's Star: You wouldn't want to know…Not with your current facial growth. Will and Liz, K.D. Sparrow left you guys some comments. They say: Will, I think your great (although I love Jack) and I don't think your a eunuch and Elizabeth, I think you're lovely. (pause) And Jack, they ask: Why did you decide to wear eyeliner? And will you run away with me?

Jack: I thought it would look like something a pirate would wear. I can't exactly run away with ye. Angel's Star had me sign a contract.

Angel's Star: Yup, sure did. Davy, MrsCaptainJack85 has left you a comment: You don't seem as "piratey" as Barbossa does...personally I like him better. No offense. However...I do offer my sympathies over your lost love...I know how bad that can feel. But...that isn't a good reason to take your anger out on innocent people...like Will, Lizzie, and especially Jack!

Davy: I'm as piratey as they come! That Barbossa isn't more of a pirate than I.

Angel's Star: Will, MrsCaptainJack85 left you a comment too: You look flippin' hot in the third movie. I commend you on always helping Jack...even though in the end, he always betrays you.

Will: Thanks. I always try to do the right thing, even if the person I'm helping betrays me in the end.

Jack: Pirate.

Angel's Star: That's what pirates do. Liz, MrsCaptainJack85 left you a comment as well: In Dead Man's Chest...why in the world did you not accept Jack's "fake proposal?" Geez...I would've. After he got all big-headed about your answer...THEN...you could've seized the opportune moment...and mention that you "made a mistake" and "can't go through with it." Hahaha!

Elizabeth: I should have done that! Just to teach him that not every woman loves him.

Jack: I'm getting the feeling that you don't like me much, love.

Angel's Star: Poor Jack. Liz, try naming about twenty girls who don't love Jack, alright? Jack, MrsCaptainJack also left you a comment: Like a lot of women...I'll agree that you are pretty much hot. Especially your eyes...but what hooked me...was your voice. It's so...manly and gruff. I love hearing you talk. "Every word, love." What say you to that?

Jack: Thank you! You'll be able to hear me talk a lot more too.

Davy: Unfortunately.

Jack: Was I talking to you?

Angel's Star: Whoa there! Jack, you're getting a little too brave here. Remember who you're talking to. Alright, my brother has asked another question and it's for Davy Jones. He asks: What's with that funny pop thing you do with your lips?

Davy: (pops his lips like on the movie) What funny pop thing?

Angel's Star: Never mind…

Jack: Your brother has too much spare time in order to think up these questions…One about Norrington being vanilla ice cream and now this with Jones and him popping his lips…

Angel's Star: Yes, well, that's my brother. Davy, a random person asks: First off, I would like to say that I think you are cool and are just misunderstood. Secondly, did you know that you and the Phantom of the Opera have a lot in common? (examples: your music boxes, you both play the pipe organ, you're both broken hearts, and no offense, but you're both pretty scary and ugly)

Davy: But the Phantom of the Opera doesn't have an octopus beard…Does he?

Angel's Star: No.

Davy: There ye go!

Angel's Star: Ok, then…Davy, you're very popular today. la vampire susan asks: Hey, Davy, two things, one, who was that song about that you always play on the organ thingy, and two, I learned that song by ear, but could you teach me a few things? I'd love to learn.

Davy: I play that song because it reminds me of my lost love. She used to like it when she was alive. I suppose I could teach you some of it if ye really want to learn.

Angel's Star: Wow. I never thought I'd live to see the day when Davy Jones was being generous. And here's another question for you, Davy. ohmygod asks: Where did you lose your leg? And how old are you?

Davy: Me leg got infected after a bloody fight when I was alive and they had to cut it off. I'm over one hundred years old.

Angel's Star: So that's why you say "A hundred years at the mast." Ah finally! I question for someone other than Davy Jones! Liz, ohmygod asks: How does it feel to kiss Will? I'm so jealous! But also happy for you, he seems to be a great man.

Elizabeth: It's great to kiss Will! Thank you, he _is_ a great man.

Jack: And a eunuch…

Angel's Star: You just take every opportunity you can to insult Will, don't you?

Jack: Not _every_ opportunity.

Angel's Star: You know what I mean. Anyway, Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: There are many a JOC on these fan fiction boards, how do you feel about that? I mean...you always have some new character...even in one of mine. Who could you see yourself really being with? If not Lizzie...or someone new...who? (pause) Yeah, you're even with a couple of my Ocs too.

Jack: I don't really mind, honestly. It means quite a few women like me and it gives me the opportunity to be with several different women. I don't think I could ever be with just _one_ woman, though.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Will, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: What was with the hat? Dude- I don't even think Jack really liked it...it was so...standoutish. Ugh. Who the heck are you? One of the three musketeers? (pause) And there was an insult about you being sissy and eunuchy, but since you've got insult protection, I didn't read it out.

Will: Well you might as well have. You practically just told it to me! (sighs) Angel's Star also said I looked like one of the three musketeers in one of these earlier shows. I didn't think it was _that_ bad, but it wouldn't be my first choice for a hat.

Jack: And since we're all being honest, I didn't like it either. I was trying to thank you for helping me out.

Will: A simple thank you would have sufficed.

Jack: But that hat stood out so much! I couldn't concentrate!

Angel's Star: Wow not even his rum does that. Jack, RubyVulpix asks: You must have heard of Epic movie. They spoofed you in this film! Do you feel humiliated by that?

Jack: Not humiliated. Somewhat insulted, aye.

Angel's Star: Poor Jack. Davy, RubyVulpix typed out Dash's question: How did you become that octopus-faced-with-a-crab-claw-and-leg-thing that you are today? Did you mutated from falling in nuclear toxic wastes after removing your heart?

Davy: I'm not exactly sure how I ended up with them. I just remember waking up with them.

Angel's Star: I'd freak out if that happened to me. Jack, Will, and Liz, RubyVulpix typed out Violet's question: If each of you were stuck in a room with a Disney or Disney/Pixar villain, who it would be and how would you defeat him/her?

Will: That spider thing on Monster's Inc. was funny to me. I'd just get out my sword and slash him up.

Angel's Star: You're violent!

Jack: How about the man on that one movie with the furry monster…what was it?

Angel's Star: Beauty and the Beast?

Jack: Aye! That's it. He would be easy enough to beat. He has no idea how to swordfight and that's how I'd beat him.

Will: The only reason you know he exists is because we were forced to watch that movie when Angel's Star was babysitting her cousin.

Jack: So?

Elizabeth: I would like to defeat Ursula from The Little Mermaid, since I already have experience with octopus…things. I suppose I could fight her with a sword, but if that's didn't work I could shoot her and make her into…what was that dish you made me try?

Angel's Star: The one I made you think was chicken?

Elizabeth: Yes.

Angel's Star: Calamari.

Elizabeth: Yes, I could make her into that.

Angel's Star: That's cannibalistic! Gosh, Liz…Davy, RubyVulpix asks: If you were in a battle versus Vi and Dash's parents, Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl, who would win?

Davy: I don't know…I don't know them.

Angel's Star: I guess it all depends on where they were fighting too. Oh guys! E from The Incredibles made clothes for you! (holds up the clothes)

Jack: It looks just like the ones I've already got on.

Angel's Star: Yes, well (passes them out to Jack, Will, and Elizabeth) they are…hang on I've got the card here…(pulls out card) Ok. They're bulletproof, waterproof, fireproof, and Kraken proof!

Jack: (grabs his outfit) I need that!

Angel's Star: I figured you would. Thanks, E!

(Jack, Will, and Elizabeth all thank her too)

Angel's Star: Ok, back to the questions. Davy, AbbieNormal182 asks: What was the woman's name?

Davy: I won't say so I won't ruin the next movie for you, though I don't know why I'm being so nice to you since you tied me up and put me feet in this bloody bucket! (glares at Angel's Star)

Angel's Star: You'll be ok! Anyway, everyone, mrspatrickdempsey asks: What do you think of the trailer? What are your opinions on it?

Will: I liked how they started it with Elizabeth singing. That was pretty cool and related it back to the first movie.

Davy: I still think it should have shown me killing Jack.

Angel's Star: You didn't kill Jack, though.

Davy: But I should have.

Angel's Star: Not.

Jack: Exactly! The movie wouldn't be the same with out me. Personally, I liked the trailer. I thought it was…interesting how Barbossa narrated instead of me. Some one who made it has favorites…

Elizabeth: You'll be alright, Jack. The trailer was very well done. I liked all of it.

Angel's Star: Me too. Will, mrspatrickdempsey says: You are seriously going evil. I'm calling you darth will now because of one shot in the trailer and it looks like your the new Captain of the Dutchman. So your now evil.

Will: What? I'm not evil! I'm not the captain of the Dutchman either! Davy Jones is and I wouldn't want to be.

Angel's Star: Ok, Liz, mrspatrickdempsey says: Um, I cant think of a good question for you so I'm just gonna ask what it was like to fall off the earth.

Elizabeth: Very frightening. Terrifying, actually.

Angel's Star: But you were going after Jack! Who cares how dangerous it is?!

Elizabeth: I do!

Angel's Star: I don't! I - and probably various other women out there - would brave any danger for Jack.

Jack: Thank ye, love.

Angel's Star: You're welcome. Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: How does it feel to be a Pirate Lord? Oh, and having to share it with Barbie(Barbossa) haha. Oh, and are you gonna look like one of Davy Jones' evil creepy fish people at one point because I saw a shot of you looking like it.

Jack: It's great being Pirate Lord! But I'm planning on getting rid of Barbossa so I can have the title to meself. I hope I don't look like one of Jones's fish…things. They look funny.

Angel's Star: Yeah, they do. Davy, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Ok, first how the heck did you get up onto the mast to fight with Jack? Ok, now I'm gonna say that you have the same locket as Tia Dalma and I would guess she's your secret lover who you ripped you own heart out for! Haha, ok now how are you on land when you can only go on it once every ten years?

Davy: I teleported up onto the mast to get to him. As for being on land, I can't set foot on land but once every ten years and, well, ye see how I got here. I haven't set foot on land once since Angel's Star got me off the Dutchman.

Angel's Star: And that wasn't an easy task, but we won't go into that. Will, redandblack 4eva asks: Why did you ask Elizabeth to marry you while the whole ship was fighting (during the trailer of the 3rd Movie)? By the way, you are so much hotter than Jack. Who could ever love a pirate? You on the other hand are gorgeous beyond words and I love you. (pause) I totally disagree. I love a pirate! By the way, you don't need to answer this question 'cause you did in…last chapter was it?

Will: Aye, I think so. But thank you redandblack 4eva. Personally, I don't see why so many girls love Jack…Angel's Star included.

Jack: Will, no need to be jealous. I can't help it if women love me more.

Davy: Oh please…

Angel's Star: Alright, guys, chill out. Davy, Almenel-Miriel asks: What is with the 'seafood buffet' on his ship? I mean when he became like 'In-charge of the sea' (How? A deal with the devil or something?) Did he deicide that all of them should look like sea-creatures? (pause) And she says you're hot…0.o

(Jack laughs hysterically)

Davy: Um, well, thanks. Nobody tells me that. But, aye, I did make a deal with the devil so I could become in charge of the sea. I chose to make me crew look like they do because I thought it would be intimidating. Probably is.

Angel's Star: Ok, then, Jack, Mrs. Sparrow asks: What would you rather do? 1. Be stuck on an island with Davy Jones? 2.Be stuck on an island with me? (yes, I am a girl) 3. Be stuck on a ship with the Kraken eating it?( which you already did) 4.Drink a jar of worms? 5.Kiss an old grandma? 6.Or throw Elizabeth off a cliff?

Jack: I'll choose number two. But I _am_ leaning heavily towards number six as well. Maybe I'll chose both.

Elizabeth: Jack!

Jack: What? I can't help it if I want to throw you off a cliff sometimes!

Angel's Star: And I'll help!

Will: You'll have to get past me first!

Angel's Star: No problem! Davy's on our side too! (clears throat) Anyway-

Will: You've got mood swings, you know that, right?

Angel's Star: WHAT MOOD SWINGS?! (pause) They only come occasionally. Jack, Sky Girl Butterfly asks: Why don't you think you deserved the slaps when you had been with other women?

Jack: Because they should have known I can't be with just _one_ woman. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!

Angel's Star: True. Ok, I've got a bunch of comments for everyone from Midnight Emerald that I'll just summarize. Jack, she's good at working on a ship in general and that you shouldn't have died. Will, since you have insult protection, here's the un-insulted version: she just doesn't really like you. Liz, since you don't have insult protection, she says you be taken to Davy's ship and be his girlfriend forever. Davy, she thinks your cool even though you killed Jack, but your awesomeness makes up for it and she wants you to teach her how to teleport. Ok, now for the questions!

(everyone 0.o)

Angel's Star: Jack, Midnight Emerald asks: Would you rather have Davy Jones chasing you again or not ever drink rum again and all the rum was removed from the world/universe including all you private stores?

Jack: As much as I hate to say it, I'd rather have all the rum gone.

Angel's Star: That bad, huh? Will, Midnight Emerald asks: Why are you such a poncy wanker?

Will: What's that?

Angel's Star: Probably some kind of insult, but I included it 'cause it's funny. And, yes, before you ask it's in article 5, section B, subsection G of your contract, and I quote: Angel's Star has the right to include insults only if they are funny.

Will: I'll bet Jack's doesn't include that.

Angel's Star: Nope. Liz, Midnight Emerald asks: Why did you burn Jack's rum in the first film? I mean come on no one burns Jack's rum! It's just unholy, it's stupid, and mean. Poor Jack being stranded on an island with YOU and having no rum to drink. I don't care that it was for a signal you should have died rather than burn Jack's rum!

Elizabeth: What's done is done and I can't change my actions! Not that I would want to either. Jack needs to stop drinking so much rum anyway.

Jack: Do not!

Angel's Star: You guys! Midnight Emerald left me a comment too! She says: You are absolutely awesome and so brilliant for coming up with this fanfic and when you're done with Will and Lizzy can I have them so I can torture them? (pause) Thank you! I appreciate that! Of course you can have Will and Liz, but don't torture Will too bad…He's not to bad to be around. Liz, on the other hand…Well, that's a different story. Do as you wish to her!

Elizabeth: How can you say that?!

Jack: Because you're a whining, rum burning wench.

(Elizabeth crosses her arms and looks insulted)

Angel's Star: Go, Jack! Anyway, Davy, Rebecca Hennessey asks: Can I join your crew? I think the Flying Dutchman rocks!

Davy: (shrugs) Aye, if you really want to.

Angel's Star: Okie dokie, Jack, Rebecca Hennessey asks: I do love you, but the Black Pearl only has speed and I like power, although answer me this, how come the Black Pearl is faster than the Dutchman?

Jack: The Pearl has power too! It's faster because it's not so weighed down with all the little sea creatures all over and extra weapons that the Dutchman has.

Angel's Star: I like the Pearl better, personally. But, anyway, Will, Rebecca Hennessey asks: What's worse, Jack fancying Elizabeth or Davy Jones hanging you by your socks wearing nothing but them?

Will: Jack fancying Elizabeth. Or even worse yet, Elizabeth fancying Jack.

Jack: You don't have to worry about me.

Elizabeth: Or me.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Liz, Rebecca Hennessey says: I like you a lot better in the second film. I hope you don't get a lot of stick in the next one. What's your favorite pirate-like outfit?

Elizabeth: The Asian one because it's very unique.

Angel's Star: It wasn't really that bad, actually. Davy, Random Authoress asks: What were your thoughts when you first saw Will and realized he wasn't dead or dying?

Davy: I was shocked and wondering what on earth he was doing on that ship. And also how he had managed not to even get injured.

Angel's Star: Good thoughts. Everyone, PSManiac asks: If you were trapped in a room and there are only three doors, one leads to eternal rum, one leads to eternal gold, and one leads to a way out, which would you chose? And you can only pick one!

Jack: The one that leads to rum!

Angel's Star: I knew that was coming.

Will: I'd have to say the way out. I don't want gold so badly that I could never get out.

Elizabeth: I'm torn between gold and the way out because Will would go out. I'd probably go out after Will, though. I've got a lot of money anyway.

Davy: I'll go for the gold! I'd be the richest pirate on the seven seas!

Angel's Star: Yeah, and Jack would be the most drunk. Davy, JackSparrowIsMyLover asks: I actually feel sorry for you at some parts in the movie. But I have a theory. Did you and Tia Dalma used to be a couple? You guys have the same heart shaped things. And did she have an affair with Barbossa? My theory is way to long to type out here. Anywayz even though I feel sorry for you, you still had no right killing Jack!! You better watch your back squid boy! Cause if I ever get a hold of you, I'll rip off all of your tentacles and use them to jump rope with!

Davy: I'm not going to give away any parts of the next movie! And especially not after you said that about me tentacles.

Angel's Star: Poor Davy…Jack, iamanundeadmonkey asks: Have you ever used squirrels for target practice? (pause) Oh, and they said they're not Barbossa's undead monkey, just so you know.

Jack: Good. But, no, I don't use squirrels. I'm not on land long enough to ever really see any. I prefer to use undead monkeys as target practice!

Angel's Star: But not the reviewer, right?

Jack: Right.

Angel's Star: Ok good. We have a no-shooting-reviewers policy. Davy, iamanundeadmonkey asks: When and why did you get your peg leg? (pause) Just answer the "when" part 'cause you already answered why.

Davy: I was around thirty, or so, I believe.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, and the last question of the night goes to you, Davy. SirenoftheStorm asks: How did your piano survive being under the sea and still work afterwards? Did you have it sealed in an airtight cabin or something? Also, what's your favorite drink?

Davy: It's true, water cannot enter my cabin, but that's because I've done something to it. It's not airtight, though. I don't really have a favorite drink. But I do like rum.

Jack: It's mine!

Angel's Star: Guys! That concludes this episode of _Ask a Pirate!_. Be sure to tune in next time to see Jack, Will, and Liz, but not Davy.

Jack: Good!

Angel's Star: And be sure to ask lots of questions! Bye!

(screen fades to black as a few crew members attempt to get Davy out of his bucket of water without him touching land)

-------

**A/N:** And that be all, folks! Please review and ask lots of questions!


	8. Episode 8

A/N: Hmm…For once I'm at a loss for what to put into this author's note…Oh wait…Here's something! Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Don't. Own. Pirates.

Chapter 8

(Angel's Star walks out on stage, appearing much calmer than the last episode when Davy Jones appeared and they…Well, you saw the episode. Angel's Star sits down in her chair and waits for the applause to dies down)

Angel's Star: Welcome back! After the before-show chaos of last show, the before-show chaos of this episode seemed like nothing. Yes, after attempting to get Davy back on his ship without him touching water proved tough indeed…BUT! I won't go into that. Please welcome Jack, Will, and Liz once again!

(Audience cheers as Jack, Will, and Elizabeth walk out onto the stage)

Angel's Star: Hey, guys! How've you been?

Elizabeth: You'd know. You've been with us all the time since the last show.

Angel's Star: Yes, but I feel I have to ask the question as sort of a conversation starter.

Jack: Davy Jones isn't coming back again, is he?

Angel's Star: Not this time! You're safe, so you might as well send that jar of dirt back stage. Oh! Midnight Emerald requested she come out and shake your hand, Jack, because she says she's part of the crew.

Jack: What crew? My crew?

Angel's Star: Sort of. You unofficially accepted her last episode.

Jack: I seem to do that a lot…First it was Anna Maria then you…

Angel's Star: Yes, well, Midnight Emerald, come on out!

(Midnight Emerald walks out and shakes Jack's hand)

Angel's Star: She can take your jar of dirt back stage, since she's unofficially hired by us to do that.

(Jack hands her the jar of dirt and she walks back stage again)

Jack: You have that problem too?

Angel's Star: Sort of. Oh and, Will, good news! Midnight Emerald promises not to torture you too much whenever I get done with you!

Will: What about Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: Yes, what about me?

Angel's Star: You're pretty much doomed.

Jack: (sarcastically) You're too sensitive.

Angel's Star: I try. But now to our questions! Jack, Lomeeriel asks: Why are you so obsessed with your hat? Is there some sentimental reason for that? Also, the kohl you use on your eyes...who taught you how to do that? It looks good on you by the way.

Jack: My hat was the first thing I ever stole. Almost got shot for it, but the man had terrible aim. That's why I protect it like I do. As for the kohl, I remember seeing some one wearing it and thought it looked like something a pirate would use. I basically taught myself how to do it.

Angel's Star: And I agree, it looks good on you. Liz, Lomeeriel asks: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Liz: I've always wanted to live in London. I think it would be perfect for me.

Angel's Star: Don't insult the English like that! Will, Lomeeriel asks: If you were stuck on an island, who would you rather be with: Jack, Davy Jones, or Tia Dalma?

Will: There aren't any good choices there!

Jack: Hey!

Angel's Star: You've gotta pick one.

Will: Well, I know it wouldn't be Davy Jones… He tried to kill me when I was helping you get him off the set. And Tia Dalma's a crazy witch doctor with a crush on me…I suppose I'll have to say Jack, but he wouldn't be my first choice.

Angel's Star: Yeah, Liz would be your first. Oh and Lomeeriel gives out hugs and rum! (passes out the rum to the three and gives them all a hug)

Jack: I like this girl!

Angel's Star: I knew you would.

Will: Thank you for the hug and rum.

Elizabeth: Yes, thank you.

Angel's Star: Okie dokie, then, Will, MTVbabe11 asks: What were you thinking when your dad whipped you on Davy's ship? That was so sad (but really hot…I love you Will!).

Will: I wasn't thinking much of anything other than wondering when it would end. It was a lot more painful than it looked on the movie.

Angel's Star: (sarcastically) Oh, I thought it felt good!

Will: You know what I mean.

Angel's Star: Yeah, I do. Anyway! Will, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks, well pretty much says: Will, I do love you. Very much so, I do. You're heroic, and noble, but you're annoying! I mean, can't you be witty or something? Like Jack? He's hotter than you AND wittier! But, I love how you're always there for Lizzie, and even Jack! After everything he's done to you! That's SO SWEET! There's a place in my heart for you. And, you know, if...Lizzie were to run off with Jack into the sunset...to explore the great ways of piracy...forever holding hands and looking into the horizon...WOULD YOU MARRY ME?!

Will: 0.o Ummm…I might?

Elizabeth: But that won't happen.

Angel's Star: It better not! Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: If Elizabeth loved you, which we all know she does, would you settle down? I know, you, settling down. With one person. But, you'll still have rum! It's not like that's going anywhere! And Lizzie's a pirate, too. So, you know, whilst "He's a Pirate" is playing, you could go pillage and plunder and otherwise pilfer!

Jack: Nope. I'm not going to settle down. Not for a loooooong time. And especially not with Elizabeth!

Elizabeth: Good because Will and I are engaged anyway! Oh, and I don't love Jack!

Angel's Star: How is it possible to fight over something you both agree on?

Elizabeth: It's just easy to fight with Jack over anything.

Angel's Star: I don't find that true. Anyway, Liz, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: Really. If you had to choose, right now, or you would die, who would you pick? Jack, Will, or Norrington? The three guys after your heart. And please, PLEASE, don't say Norrington. Please. I beg of you...even though my friends wrote all over your posters and pictures in my room about how much of a loser you are...and call you "Chippie the Moose", and go "And this is Elizabeth after she's undergone many changes in her life" and point to Mr. Cotton, I beg of you. Don't choose Norrington. Please.

Elizabeth: They call me Chippie the Moose? And say I'm Mr. Cotton?!

(Jack laughs hysterically and Will tries not to laugh too hard in front of her)

Angel's Star: Pretty much.

Elizabeth: Can I refuse to answer this question because I got insulted?

Angel's Star: No.

Elizabeth: Fine. I pick Will, of course.

Angel's Star: Of course. Ok, this next question is for everybody from PSManiac. They ask: Who would you prank and what would you do to them?

Will: I'd prank Jack by taking all his rum and hiding it.

Angel's Star: We don't want to give him a heart attack, Will! Gosh!

Will: (shrugs) Hey, you asked.

Angel's Star: No, PSManiac did. I just relayed the question.

Elizabeth: That would actually be pretty funny.

Jack: What is this, Pick-On-Jack day?

Elizabeth: Oh, you're alright. Hmm…My prank would be on Norrington. I'd say I changed my mind and accept his proposal, then reject it when he got excited about it.

Angel's Star: You're heartless!

Jack: I could prank Davy Jones by sneaking some calamari into his food and when he asked what it was, I would tell him it's fried squid…Then he might kill me.

Angel's Star: Not unless you had his heart and a knife.

Jack: True.

Angel's Star: Ok, then. Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: You're so hot... (looks shocked) did I just say that out loud again? Heehee. Ok, if you were never to get the Black Pearl back what would you name your next ship? And don't say the Black Pearl II.

Jack: The Black Pearl Junior?

Angel's Star: No, that's pretty much the same thing as Black Pearl II.

Jack: Um, well, then…hmm the Black…Doom?

Will: You only changed the last word, though!

Angel's Star: It still counts as long as it's not the Black Pearl II. Ok, Will, mrspartickdempsey left you a question too, but since it's got insults in it and since you've got insult protection, I'll paraphrase: I don't care if your not the captain of the Dutchman because to me it looks like you are so HA! How does it feel to only get one line in the trailer?

Will: I only got one line? I didn't notice until now. (sarcastically) Thanks for pointing that out. Oh, why didn't you include those insults this time?

Angel's Star: Because they were mean, not funny. Did you want me to include them?

Will: No.

Angel's Star: Ok then! Liz, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Do you feel intimidated by Tia Dalma wanting to "know" the pansy sissy whelp that you call your fiancé?

Will: Hey you included that insult! And it was about me!

Angel's Star: But it wasn't directly to you. Liz, answer the question.

Elizabeth: No, I don't feel intimidated by Tia Dalma at all.

Angel's Star: Neither do I. Jack, Rebecca Hennessey gave you insults and threats, so I'm paraphrasing again: Grow up, Jack! You can jolly well leave Will alone or I'll (insert threat). You're a fantastic pirate, though, I'll give you that. I have to admit the girls who slap you across the face have got it wrong 'cause (insert insult). Sorry for the anger but I don't like Will and Elizabeth being picked on like that. That's one of the reasons why I'd prefer the Dutchman over the Pearl.

Jack: (shrugs) Alright, then. I do like insult and threat protection, though.

Angel's Star: Yup, and now she's got a question, Jack: If you think about it you would have run out of rum at some point and then died and then what would people have done without Captain Jack Sparrow? By burning that rum she saved your life so you could live to drink more rum.

Jack: She's still a bloody, rum burning, wench! I would have got off that island before I ran out of rum like I did before. Now if I ever get marooned on that bloody island again, I won't have any more rum!

Angel's Star: Seriously! What were you thinking, Liz?!

Elizabeth: I thought I answered that last episode.

Angel's Star: You probably did. Liz, Rebecca Hennessey left you a nice comment: Even though I didn't like what you did to Jack at the end of the second movie I understood why you burnt his rum in the first.

Elizabeth: Finally someone understands!

Angel's Star: Yeah, finally. Will, Rebecca Hennessey asked you a question, but insulted Jack, so I'll paraphrase again: How many kids would you like to have? I think you're fantastic and such a nice man so ignore any eunuch comments that (Jack) throws at you.

Will: Hey, it wasn't a direct insult at Jack, but you still paraphrased it!

Angel's Star: Yes, Jack has insult and indirect/direct insult protection, so basically, he can't get insulted whatsoever on my show.

Jack: Thank you, love.

Will: You'll have to get me indirect insult protection too, or else I'm leaving.

Angel's Star: Even though your contract prevents you from leaving, ok. Now answer the question.

Will: Well, I'd like to have around three children.

Angel's Star: Me too! Ok, Will, K. D. Sparrow asks: If you could have any superpower what would it be?

Will: I thought I already answered one like this.

Angel's Star: Did you?

Will: Aye, I said something about having extra wisdom so I'd know if Jack was using me, or something like that.

Angel's Star: Ok, well, you answered it again then. Everybody, this question is from RubyVulpix: If you would go to Disneyland, which ride/attraction would each of you would like to go to and which one you wouldn't want to go to? (pause) And since you guys don't know all the rides in Disneyland, here's the map of it from when I went.

Jack: I want to go to the Pirates of the Caribbean one to see how well they imitated me!

Angel's Star: That was fast.

Jack: Aye, but I wouldn't want to go on…(looks over the map) the Safari ride.

Will: I would want to go on the Haunted Mansion ride, but I wouldn't want to go on Star Tours

Elizabeth: I think it would be fun to go on that "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience" ride, but…lets see…I don't think I care to go on the Thunder Mountain Railroad.

Angel's Star: I actually went on Thunder Mountain Railroad and I was scared the cart would fly off the track. Ok, everybody again, RubyVulpix typed Dash's question: If each of you would have to fight your evil double from a parallel universe, how would you defeat him/her?

Jack: I just wouldn't give him any rum. Simple enough.

Will: Um…I suppose I could always beat him in a swordfight if I cheated like Jack.

Elizabeth: I guess I could try to swordfight her, but if that didn't work, I could get Will to beat her.

Angel's Star: Ever the dependant one. Ok, the next question is for…me? Will, read it to me!!!

Will: Why? (takes the card with the question)

Angel's Star: 'Cause I like other people to read the questions that are for me too! Now READ!

Will: Um, ok. Angel's Star, this question is from Almenel-Miriel. She asks: Why do you have to keep Jack for yourself? Share him! If you don't, I will kidnap you and take over your show!

Angel's Star: Wow. I didn't know _I_ needed threat protection…Ah well. HE'S MINE!!! (glomps Jack)

(Jack falls out of his chair)

Elizabeth: Angel's Star, have some dignity! You're on live television!

Angel's Star: (gets off Jack) I share Jack enough! Well…maybe not. But that doesn't matter! I have body guards, so there's no way you can kidnap me and take over my show!

Jack: (gets up) Don't ever do that again, savvy?

Angel's Star: Oh, alright. (frowns as she takes the cards with the questions from Will) I'll try. Thanks for reading my question, Will. Ok, the next question is for Jack. MrsCaptainJack85 asks on behalf of her friend: Why is it you seem incapable of falling in love? Is it simply that you only frequent prostitutes, and don't know any "nice" girls?

Jack: Never thought about it, really. I guess those could be the two main reasons I don't fall in love.

Angel's Star: But I'm a nice girl!

Jack: Aye, you are.

Angel's Star: Yup. Ok, Jack, DxS Phreak asks, er, says: Okay, first off, I love you and the way you see life. They're both really sexy. (giggles like an insane fan girl) Will you marry me? Oh, and, I think I'd probably go into a fangasmic shock if I ever met you and you wore that Hummer cologne. It'd just add to the deliciousness of yourself.

Jack: Thank ye! But as for marrying you, I'm afraid I can't, love.

Will: Why is it that almost every episode, some girl asks Jack to marry her? I don't get that many!

Angel's Star: Don't be jealous, Will. They all know you're taken! Liz, DxS Phreak asks: I really hate that you chained Jack to the mast (and you KISSED him!), but I fully respect that you saved several other innocent lives. Even though you were only thinking of saving Will. Anyways, what was it like to have been the only person to kill Jack Sparrow? Sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow?

Elizabeth: Um, well, I suppose it feels great, being the only person and all.

Angel's Star: You have sick and twisted views of what "great" is. Will, (laughs) oh goodness, DxS Phreak asks: I remember asking my mom who she thought was hotter, and she said you. Umm... what's it like to know that a 49-year-old woman is in love with you? Also, what's it like to be in love?

(Jack laughs hysterically)

Will: Um, it's a bit odd knowing I'm loved by a 49-year-old, but flattering at the same time. As for being in love, it's the greatest feeling in the world.

Angel's Star: Yeah, Liz, that's what "great" feels like. Midnight Emerald left some comments for you guys. Jack, she says she'd help you escape Davy Jones if it came to that. Will, she explains what a poncy wanker is, but I won't explain because it's not appropriate for a family show. And, Liz…it's confirmed: You're doomed.

Elizabeth: It's your fault! You're the one who told her to do as she wishes with me!

Angel's Star: Yes, because you get on my nerves sometimes. Jack, Sky Girl Butterfly asks: What did you EXACTLY think when you recognized Elizabeth dressed up like a pirate?

Jack: As best as I can remember, I was thinking, "Why the bloody heck is Elizabeth in men's clothes?"

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Will, Sky Girl Butterfly asks: What did you think when you saw Jack and Elizabeth kissing?

Will: I wasn't really thinking. I was in shock and I was hurt. I couldn't believe she would do that and still can't.

Angel's Star: You two can discuss that after the show. Liz, Sky Girl Butterfly asks: Do you think you're good with a sword for a woman/lady?

Elizabeth: I might not be the best there is, but I'm confidant in my skills.

Angel's Star: Oh! It looks like there's a question for everybody including me regarding Liz! (shoves the cards at Elizabeth) Read it to us!!

Elizabeth: Um, alright. It's from Beautiful x lie and they ask: Why is everyone so mean to Elizabeth? She isn't that bad and she did what she had to do by chaining Jack to the mast, I mean, what would you all do? (pause) That was awkward…referring to myself in the third person.

Angel's Star: Um, _not_ chain him to the mast.

Jack: You should have been there instead of Elizabeth.

Angel's Star: Thanks! Liz, if that's all the questions for everybody including me, give me the cards back. (takes the cards) Ok, Liz, Beautiful x lie asks: Why did you kiss Jack to chain him Elizabeth? I mean there were other ways to chain him...

Elizabeth: Yes, there are, but that was the first one that came to mind and I knew Jack would respond better to it than any other way.

Angel's Star: Ok, then, Liz, here's another question for you: Why does your character change all the time? I mean first you were a lady who secretly liked pirates, then you became a pirate, and now you want to be a lady? What do you want?

Elizabeth: I have moments where I want to be free and I think being a pirate would best satisfy the urge, but most of the time I feel I want to be a lady because of the way I've been raised.

Jack: You were raised to be stuffy. How can you want more of that?

Elizabeth: I was not raised to be stuffy!

Angel's Star: Here we go again…Guys! Chill! The show's almost over! Jack and Liz, Beautiful x lie asks: In the second movie you were constantly flirting and it was so obvious that you two wanted each other so why didn't you do ANYTHING about it?

Elizabeth: I was and am engaged!

Jack: I didn't want her anyway, to be honest, which I'm not very often.

Angel's Star: I hope you have been for this show.

Jack: I've tried.

Angel's Star: Ok then. Will, Beautiful x lie asks: Why do you try to be cool? I mean, you can't be a pirate, you're too good.

Will: I'm cool in my own way. I don't want to be like Jack.

Angel's Star: Have it your way, but I think if you _were_ more like Jack, you'd get more fangirls. Anyway, Jack, she says you're hot and cool, just be sure not go Will on us. And, Will, she says you're nice but you need an edge.

Will: I have an edge!

Jack: Not really.

Will: I have an edge on my sword.

Angel's Star: Whoa, there, Will! Liz, Mrs.Sparrow says: In one of the earlier episodes, you stated that you would rather wear a dress than a man's outfit. Yet, in this last episode you said that your favorite outfit was the Asian one. Are you retarded? Or do you just suffer from severe memory loss? Now I repeat my insult with added flavor: You are a slut and a retard!!

Elizabeth: I am not a slut and a retard!

Angel's Star: Oh! Oh!! Another question for me! (shoves the cards at Will) Read it to me!!

Will: You're becoming obsessed with this…Mrs.Sparrow asks: Does Elizabeth have insult protection?

Angel's Star: Nope! She does not. Feel free to insult her at will!

Elizabeth: Angel's Star!

Will: And that was actually the last question of the night.

Angel's Star: I like it when people ask me questions. (grins) But that, unfortunately, is the end of our show. Tune in next time to see our special guest…Tia Dalma! I'm going to have the urge to brush my teeth after that…

Will: Just make sure she doesn't sit next to me.

Angel's Star: Oh, she won't. Anyway, be sure to ask Tia, Jack, Will, and Liz lots of questions so we can have another episode! Heck, you can even ask me something! I like getting questions.

Jack: You might want to end the show, love. The fat man with the glasses over there is going crazy making a cutting motion across his throat.

Angel's Star: Oh the director? We're just running into the next show's time slo-

(Next show suddenly starts)

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**A/N:** Alrighty, you heard me in the story. Tia Dalma's the next show's special guest. Ask plenty of questions and I'll update when I can!


	9. Episode 9

A/N:…You know the drill. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own Pirates. If I did, Jack would be with one of my OCs.

Chapter 9

(Audience claps as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage. She smiles and sits down and waits for the audience to stop clapping)

Angel's Star: Hello again, everybody! You know, even after all these episodes, I just noticed some idiot keeps calling these episodes "chapters." Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, and so on. Lets get this fixed, shall we?

(someone mumbles an apology from off-camera)

Angel's Star: That's ok. I'll expect you to do better next time. It'll be our tenth episode! Anyway, please welcome Jack, Will, Liz, and Tia Dalma!

(Audience claps and cheers for everybody. They all take their seat. Tia Dalma's is the farthest from Will. Much to his relief)

Will: After last episode I got to wondering if you would actually make her sit that far away, so I thank you for that.

Angel's Star: Oh, no problem. Tia, how're you doing aaaalllllllll the way over there?

Tia: I'm fine.

(cast looks down to see her words appear in yellow)

Jack: I'm finally beginning to wonder if I had too much rum…

Angel's Star: No, those are subtitles. Since some people may have trouble understanding what she says, I've ordered subtitles for her. That's also why she'll sound like a normal person this episode instead of the crazy witch doctor person she is!

Elizabeth: I think you've finally outdone yourself, Angel's Star.

Angel's Star: I try. Tia, I know you know how these shows work because you watch it whenever your crystal ball picks up this channel.

Will: It's confirmed…she's stalking me.

Angel's Star: Yes, that's why she's over there. Anyway-

(a sudden surge of girls appear on stage including XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx, Red VanE, redandblack 4eva, ohmygod, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints, and DxS Phreak)

All of them at once: I LOVE YOU, WILL!!!!! (glomps Will)

(Jack laughs hysterically as Angel's Star calls for security and Elizabeth desperately tries to pry the fangirls off Will, but to no avail. Finally the security guards appear and take all the screaming Will-fangirls away)

Will: How'd that happen?! I thought you increased security after Jack's fangirls made it in here!

Angel's Star: I felt sorry for them…standing out there without any Will Turners to glomp…Plus they bribed me with chocolate and pictures of Jack.

Will: Why do you want pictures of him when you can stare at the real thing right there? (points at Jack)

Jack: Aye.

Angel's Star: I like to stare at pictures of him before I go to sleep since I don't have him right beside me then. Anyway, Tia, the first question of the night goes to you and it's from Primarch Azrael the Jackdaw. They ask: Can you raise the dead? Just curious.

Tia: Only when the conditions are right. I can't raise more than one person at a time either and it takes a lot of energy, so I don't do it often.

Angel's Star: Ok, then, the next question is also for you from slightly crazyy x3. They say: Define toothpaste and toothbrush.

Tia: What are those?

Angel's Star: Figures. Tia, An Unknown Writer asks: Why are you so creepy? Do you ever bathe? When did you decide to become a voodoo person?

Tia: I'm creepy? I'm the normal one on my island…

Everybody: 0.0

Tia: And, uh, what's bathing?

Angel's Star: (huge sweat drop) Never mind…

Tia: Alright. I always wanted to be a witch doctor.

Angel's Star: Interesting…Most kids want to be doctors or firefighters…Liz, ChibiPirate asks: Why don't you just admit you like Jack? It's so obvious (and so cute). (pause) It's disgusting!

Elizabeth: I'm glad you at least agree with me! I don't like Jack. I don't understand why anyone could love him…

Angel's Star: Ahem!

Elizabeth: Well…you're delusional.

Angel's Star: Am not! Jack, ChibiPirate asks: How are you so dang hot?!?! I've never seen anyone so amazing in all my life!

Jack: Thank you! I don't really have any secrets about it, though.

Angel's Star: Secrets or not, I agree with ChibiPirate. Will, ChibiPirate says: Admit you're a eunuch. We all know it really.

Will: I'm not a eunuch! You all have been listening to Jack for too long.

Angel's Star: You're a bad sport, you know that right? Tia, ChibiPirate asks: You're one of my favorite characters!! (apart from Jack) Can I have a jar of dirt please?

Tia: Sure, but you know I don't give things away for free.

Angel's Star: Oh! Lookie! She gave us cookies! And Jack, she gave you rum as well. I'm sure Tia will give you that jar of dirt now.

Jack: I like fangirls. They give me lots of rum.

Angel's Star: Yeah, they do. Anyway! Oh boy…Another one from my brother. Tia, Adam asks: What do you see in the eunuch Will?

Tia: I don't think he's a eunuch, though.

Jack: How can he not be? Just look at him! (points dramatically at Will)

(Will slumps slightly in his chair)

Tia: But he's very handsome.

Elizabeth: Back off! He's mine!

Angel's Star: Now you know how I feel about Jack. Anywho, Adam's next statement is for everybody. He says: And you, too, could be a eunuch just like Will Turner for 15 easy payments of $19.95!!!!!!

(everybody sweat drops)

Elizabeth: I'm beginning to be thankful that he hasn't asked me anything.

Angel's Star: I'll see if I can get a question out of him for you next time. Anyway, Jack, Will, Liz, this question is from K.D. Sparrow: What is your ideal vacation?

Elizabeth: Hmm…somewhere with a slightly cooler climate than the Caribbean and where I'd be waited on hand-and-foot.

Angel's Star: Aren't you already?

Will: I'd prefer just exploring the world and seeing what's out there. I guess you could count that as a vacation.

Jack: I've never really thought about it. I just go wherever I want to anyway, so I don't think a vacation is in order.

Angel's Star: Ok, then, Tia Dalma, Almenel-Miriel asks: What's with the markings on your face/body? (pause) She also says she likes your accent and you've got the whole witch/voodoo-priestess thing down.

Tia: Thank you! I have the markings because…well…I never really thought about it. I guess I have them because I thought they looked cool and went along well with my "job."

Angel's Star: Alright, Jack, Almenel-Miriel says: If you were to marry me, I would still let you...erm...go around with the other women. So would you? Marry me that is.

Jack: I might actually have to consider that…

Angel's Star: (smacks the back of his head) You'd better just be kidding. Jack, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx, who was Rebecca Hennessey, says: I apologize for the things I said, though, I'll still stick up for Will, so I hope you will forgive me. I won't ask you a question 'cause I'm too scared.

Jack: (shrugs) Suit yerself for sticking up for a eunuch. I suppose I'll forgive you.

Angel's Star: Of course he will! Will, (chuckles) I said "will" twice…Anyway. Will! XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: Just thought I'd tell you I wish you were my friend. Are you and Elizabeth planning a big wedding or moderately small?

Will: Thank you. I'm sure I'd want to be your friend too. Elizabeth wanted a large wedding and I wanted a smaller one, so we compromised. Our wedding won't be too large or too small.

Angel's Star: I'd better get an invite. Liz, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: I think you should get insult and threat protection because you get teased the most. I love your Asian outfit too and your hair in a plait it suits you. Do you wish you had had brothers or sisters? If so which would you prefer?

Elizabeth: Thank you! I thought I looked good too.

Angel's Star: (mutters sarcastically) Don't be any more modest, Liz!

Liz: (ignores her) I think I need insult protection as well! Jack certainly doesn't need any more… Anyway, about your question. Yes, I've always wanted a sister so I could dress up with her and play with her hair and stuff. I wouldn't really care if she was older or younger.

Angel's Star: But there's no way you're getting insult protection! It's too much fun insulting you. Anyway, Tia, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: Do you have any siblings and have you ever tried chocolate?

Tia: I had a younger brother, but he died at a young age. And no, I've never tried chocolate. What is that?

Angel's Star: (eyes bug out) I can't believe you're serious! Good thing she gave us all chocolate! (passes it out to everybody) Now, Will, read me my comment!

Will: Huh? (has the cards with Angel's Star's questions on them shoved at him) Um, ok, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: Love your show, think you're great, keep going with this. It's fascinating and if you're going to bring dangerous people on the show, make sure you don't go near them so we don't risk losing the presenter of our favorite show. And by the way, get insult and threat protection, you too, Will.

Angel's Star: Awwww! Thank you!! I feel loved now. And yes, I got insult and threat protection after last show. Will's got threat protection too.

Will: I do? Thanks!

Angel's Star: Yup! Liz, Midnight Emerald says: It is possible to be a pirate and a lady at the same time, just look at me. I'm a lady. I was brought up just like you, but I wear pirate clothes and to be honest they are so much better that wearing those stupid dresses that you wear.

Elizabeth: They aren't stupid dresses!

Angel's Star: But pants are soooooooooooooooo much better! Lookie! (points to her blue jeans) I'm much more comfortable than you are right now all because I'm wearing pants. Ah, Will! Good news for you from Midnight Emerald: I have decided not to torture you, mainly because my best friend would kill me if I did.(mumbles about insane fan girls) And my friends Robyn, Sophie, and Emma say hi because they are like in love with you. Can't understand why though.

Will: Hi, Robyn, Sophie, and Emma! It's nice knowing I'm loved too after all the proposals Jack gets.

Jack: Can't help it if all the women love me.

Angel's Star: No, suppose you can't. Tia, Midnight Emerald asks: Are you the girl that broke Davy Jones's heart?

Tia: Um, Angel's Star told me that the third movie would be coming out soon and that I shouldn't say anything to spoil the surprises for you, so I won't say anything about it.

Angel's Star: Good girl, Tia! Jack, Midnight Emerald says: Thank you for accepting me into your crew and if you need help fighting off and mad fan girls or fan boys o.0 just let me know. And now if you will excuse me I have to go buy a new sword because my last one got eaten by a sea monster...again (sighs) Stupid sea monsters when will they learn?

Jack: At least it was just your sword! _I_ got eaten! You're welcome about being accepted into me crew, though. I haven't encountered any fan boys…yet (shudders) but I'll let you know about the fan girls.

Angel's Star: I especially won't let any freaky guys get near you. Jack, iamanundeadmonkey asks: Why does Jack the monkey annoy you so much? Just out of curiosity. And please tell me you aren't going to be captain of the Flying Dutchman in the 3rd movie. I saw pics of you all crusty-ish. It was creepy.

Jack: It's a bloody undead monkey! And he takes all my important things like my compass and the drawing of Davy Jones's key! And no worries, I'm only captain of the Pearl.

Angel's Star: Yay for the Black Pearl! Tia, iamanundeadmoneky asks: How did you know Jack before the movies? And how exactly did he come to be on your little island thingy? Another question: Why did you bring Barbossa back? Just sort'a on a whim? Because that was kind'a random. But it's still good.

Tia: Jack had visited me before, but it had been a long while ago. I brought Barbossa back because he knew the waters at World's End.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Will, iamanundeadmonkey asks: What were you thinking when you first saw your dad?

Will: I was so shocked and I was thinking "What is he doing in a place like this?!"

Angel's Star: Yeah, when I first saw him I was like "Omg! It's Will's dad! He's kind of crusty…"

Will: (sarcastically) You've got such a sensitive way of putting things.

Angel's Star: Yeah, I know. Liz, iamanundeadmonkey asks: Which nickname do you prefer: Lizzy or The Lizard?

Elizabeth: LIZZY!!!

Jack: (laughing) I'll have to start calling you The Lizard!

Angel's Star: Me too! It's even more annoying that Liz! Anyway, Jack-

Will: Oh! Sorry! You've got a question, Angel's Star. DxS Phreak says: You RAWK, girl! What's it like to be in contact with fictional characters? I hear it's tingly. O.o

Angel's Star: Heehee. It's not really tingly. It kind of was at first, but the longer you're around them, the less tingly it gets. Now I'm not tingly at all!

Will: Actually, that's how it was for me when I was first around you.

Elizabeth: Me too.

Jack: Aye.

Angel's Star: Cool! Jack, DxS Phreak says: Okay, okay, I'll stop asking you to marry me...for now. 8D But, really, how does it feel to know you have billions of women drooling at your feet? I mean, I don't even know why I'm so totally in love with you, but there's this picture, and you're just smiling so sweetly...oh gosh. My heart rate skyrockets when I see it. XD Also, why do you love rum?

Jack: It's great knowing I can control most of the female population at will! As for the rum, I love it because it is the best drink I have ever had. It takes my mind off things like Davy Jones and the Kraken too.

Angel's Star: Oh, hey, I want that picture of Jack too! Anyway, Will, DxS Phreak says: I have something to admit. I kind'a...have a crush on you too. And...I highly doubt you're a eunuch. Anyways, remember when you threatened to kill yourself in the first movie, mentioning, 'or I'll pull this trigger and be lost to Davy Jones' locker'? What was it like when you found out master DJ was real?

Will: Thanks! I was just glad-

Angel's Star: HOLY CRUD!!!

(Jack, Will, and Elizabeth all jump up and run over to her and ask her what's wrong)

Angel's Star: My kitten's name is DJ! Now I'm gonna think of Davy Jones when I say his name! (sobs)

Elizabeth: Is that all?! (returns to her seat)

Jack: You had me worried, love!

Angel's Star: (sniffs) I'll be ok.

Will: Um, ok, uh, as I was saying, I was just glad that I hadn't pulled that trigger or else I would've found out about Davy Jones sooner.

Angel's Star: (sniffs again) Ok, Liz, DxS Phreak says she has nothing to say to you. Everybody, she asks: What was your reaction when you found out Alec Baldwin had left his daughter a crude voicemail? If I was her, I'd curse his (beep) right back out! (pauses) I agree! I mean, what kind of father does that?!

Jack: Obviously that one.

Elizabeth: I agree! She should have done something back.

Will: Yeah, she should have. Oh, Angel's Star, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Why does Will have insult protection?! I mean, it's so easy to think of insults for him! Oh, and you're doing a very good job, by the way.

Angel's Star: Thanks! Will only has partial insult protection and if you make the insult funny, I might include it. Will, you're a very good card reader!

Will: It's not that hard, really.

Angel's Star: Tia, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Why do you live all by your onesies? Oh, and I think your really cool and your accent rocks, but I think you need subtitles for when we watch AWE because it's hard to understand you unless you have watched the movie like 500 billion times and know all the words.

Tia: I've never had any need of living with another person. I prefer to live alone, anyway.

Angel's Star: Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Why do you carry weird trinket things on your belt? Like the chicken foot thing. Oh, and your hotter then Will. (laughs) Who couldn't be? Hehe (I'm sorry I'm still on a mean "I hate Will" streak... it will pass don't worry...:P)

Jack: They aren't weird! Well, they might be to you. Each trinket represents something in my life that I want to remember.

Angel's Star: Okie dokie, Will, mrspatrickdempsey asks: (glares evilly) I'm allowed to glare right? If only you didn't have insult protection... (laughs like a maniac) Choose one woman that you would like to be with form the following list: Tia Dalma, Scarlett, Anna Maria or Giselle? And if you say " I don't like any of them because I have my beloved Elizabeth," so help me I will hurt you.

Will: (gulps) I think this one's out to hurt me!

Jack: Probably.

Will: (glares at him) Anyway, um, out of those girls listed, I would prefer…oh, I don't know…Scarlett maybe?

Jack: Eh, you could do better. Trust me.

Angel's Star: Oh, let him choose! Liz, mrspatrickdempsey asks: What was going through your head when you saw Barossa (Barbie) hehe walking down the stairs in Tia's house hut thing?

Elizabeth: I was remembering what all he had put me through and I was thinking "What is this witch woman trying to do? Kill us?!"

Tia: Hey!

Angel's Star: Oh! Cat fight! (laughs) Everybody, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: What is freedom to you? And don't get all stupid on me, really. That deep, deep urge in you all...What does it mean to you?

Jack: Piracy in general and knowing that I'm not restrained by any rules that normal people are.

Will: After I broke away from being a blacksmith and engaged in piracy with Jack, I felt the most freedom I had ever felt. It was as if I had been held back before.

Elizabeth: Freedom to me is being able to do the right things, even if they happen to break rules.

Tia: I've never thought about it actually, since I live on an almost secluded island and there aren't that many rules anyway.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: What did the compass point to? You know, when you were rowing away from your death, and then you paused with this sad look on your face, took out the compass...and then it was back on the Pearl. What (or who) did it point to to make you want to come back to your almost certain death?

Jack: It pointed to the Pearl. I knew I couldn't just leave her and me crew when they needed me the most.

Angel's Star: It was very noble of you. Tia, RubyVulpix asks: What kind of magic do you practice, white or black magic?

Tia: I work with a bit of both, actually.

Angel's Star: And also, Tia, RubyVulpix typed Edna's question: Do you need a fashion designer? I can make better outfits for you, dahling!

Tia: (laughs) No, sorry, I wouldn't have much use for a fashion designer. Thank you, though.

Angel's Star: It was a very nice offer, though. Everybody, RubyVulpix asks: The third POTC movie comes out it in less that a month! Are you excited or nervous about it?

Elizabeth: I'm excited!

Jack: Aye, me too. Then people won't be asking questions we can't answer with out spoiling the movie.

Will: Yes, that will be nice.

Angel's Star: Ok, Will, Liz, and Jack, RubyVulpix typed Edna's question: Do you like the outfits that I made for you?

Jack: Aye! It's already saved me after Davy Jones was on the show! You're a genius!

Will: Yes, I love mine as well. I can't imagine how I got along with out it.

Elizabeth: Oh yes, it's so helpful! Thank you.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Tia, MTVbabe11 asks: What did you mean about the whole "you have a touch of destiny" thing?

Tia: I could since something drastic was going to happen to him. Something that would affect his destiny.

Angel's Star: And how right you were! Jack, MTVbabe11 ask: Did you ever date Tia or Anna Maria?

Jack: Nope. Haven't really wanted to either.

Angel's Star: That's 'cause he's with me! Ok, everybody, Mrs.Sparrow asks: If you all had one wish from a genie, what would it be? Jack cannot say everlasting rum and the "don't wish for a thousand wishes" rule applies. (pauses) I would wish Jack would hurry up and ask me to marry him already!

Will: Do you even know if he will?

(Angel's Star shrugs)

Jack: Um, I'm right HERE!

Elizabeth: I would wish that you people would stop insulting me so much!

Angel's Star: But it's fun!

Will: I would wish for people to stop thinking Jack and Elizabeth are supposed to be together…especially since I'm marrying her!

Jack: I'd wish Angel's Star wouldn't kill me for not asking her to marry me.

Angel's Star: I suppose I can wait. (sighs)

Will: Angel's Star, Mrs.Sparrow asks: How far have you actually gone with Jack? I mean, is he your boyfriend? Cause if he is, maybe we should go on a triple date? You rock! And thanks a million for putting my question last, it made me feel special!! (pauses) Why does some one have to ask this?! I don't want to know what you've done with Jack!

Angel's Star: Well cover up your ears, 'cause I've got to answer! I haven't gone all the way with Jack, 'cause, you know, I'd rather wait 'til I'm married. Yes! He's my boyfriend! (grins) As for the triple date… (chuckles) We'll see, ok?

Will: She also wants to know if you'll put my dad on the show.

Angel's Star: Yes, I'll get him on the show, but not next episode. Ok, um, JackSparrowIsMyLover has directed a comment at XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx and since I don't want to get those two to fighting, I'll summarize. She wants to know why you insulted Jack twice and that the only one who should be insulted is Will 'cause he's used to it. But XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx apologized to Jack, so it's all good, right?

Will: Hopefully.

Angel's Star: And Jack, JackSparrowIsMyLover gives you roses, a hug, and a lifetime supply of rum! It's all waiting backstage. But for now, that's the end of this episode. If you want to see Jack, Will, and Liz (but not Tia) back for another episode, be sure to ask lots of questions!

Jack: And I'm sure Angel's Star wouldn't mind getting more questions.

Angel's Star: Nope! I wouldn't.

Will: Yeah, she's been giddy ever since she found out she had questions for her.

Angel's Star: Yeah, I was. But anyway, that's it! See you all next time and goodnight!

(screen fades to black)

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**A/N:** And that's it! You guys know what to do by now, so go to it!


	10. Episode 10

A/N: Ok, here's the deal: since some of you probably haven't seen Pirates 3 yet, I'll alert you to any spoilers in the next two or three chapters, ok? Ok. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: By now, you should know I don't own POTC.

_Episode _10 

(Audience cheers again as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage and sits in her chair)

Angel's Star: Hey again, everybody! I see we've fixed the "chapter" problem and we've put "episode" instead. Thanks to whoever did that! Wow, I can't believe this is our tenth episode… Well, before I get off on that, please welcome back Jack, Will, and Liz!

(Audience cheers again as Jack, Will, and Liz walk out and sit in their chairs)

Will: I'm glad Tia Dlama isn't back.

Jack: Aren't we all?

Angel's Star: Yeah, pretty much. How are you, Liz? You haven't said anything yet. (mumbles) Not that that's a bad thing…

Elizabeth: Um, hi? That ok?

Angel's Star: (shrugs) Fine with me. Anyway, let's get started, alright? Will, the first question of the night is for you. fictionfrek101 asks: How in the world did you convince Governor Swann to let you propose to Elizabeth?

Will: I convinced him I was completely through being a pirate. It was actually a lot harder than it sounds, to be honest.

Jack: The man's skeptical.

Elizabeth: He's my father! He only wants what's best for me!

Angel's Star: Yes, most dads do, you know. Anyway, Jack, fictionfrek101 asks: Why were you flirting with Elizabeth in Dead Man's Chest? She's young enough to be your daughter!

Will: That question usually goes to Norrington.

Jack: Aye, it does. But…(points dramatically at Elizabeth) She started it!

Elizabeth: Did not!

Jack: Did too!

Elizabeth: Did not!

Angel's Star: Liz, if Jack says you did, then you did! His word is pretty much law I my book. Will, the next question for you is also from fictionfrek101: Which would you rather be locked in a cage with? Norrington (trying to kill you for stealing Elizabeth away)? Jack (drunk and bragging about kissing Elizabeth)(Although Elizabeth has perfectly understandable reasons and probably felt like she was going to be sick afterwards)? Or Tia (coming on to you)?

Will: Why doesn't anybody give me good choices such as Elizabeth?

Angel's Star: (cough)andshe'sgood?(cough)

Will: You know you're no good at that, right?

Angel's Star: Yes.

Will: Um, ok. But out of those three…I would have to say Tia. She wouldn't be trying to kill me or be getting me mad at her.

Angel's Star: Liz, fictionfrek101 asks: Which situation has the worse? Kissing Jack? Having Jack propose to you? Or having Jack attempt to seduce you on that island? (After that he deserved to have his rum burned!)

Elizabeth: Definitely having Jack try to seduce me on that island. It went on and on and on while the kiss only lasted a moment.

Angel's Star: I wouldn't have minded! Anyway, fictionfrek101 says: Anyways, Elizabeth, you deserve Will (not in a bad way) and threat protection. Will, you looked great with the musketeer look (few people, like you, can pull that off looking great). And you're not (hopefully, I don't think so) a eunuch. And Jack (I'm having an anti-Jack streak here) Elizabeth and Will should (insert threat).

Jack: I like threat protection!

Will: I would too, if I had it.

Angel's Star: You've got some threat protection! Ok, StarDragon411 has comments for everybody: Dear Will, I (insert insult). Stop going for Elizabeth. She'll be with Jack forever. I hope you (insert threat) (or at least get eaten by something large and slimy).  
Dear Elizabeth, You're okay, I guess. I don't hate you, but I think you're a good role model.  
Dear Jack, You are the coolest person ever! You're one of my favorite characters! I'm a fangirl! You should go out with Elizabeth.

Jack: Sorry, love, but I'm not going out with Elizabeth.

Will: This one's out to get me too…

Elizabeth: Thank you for thinking I'm a good role model! Nobody has ever told me that.

Angel's Star: They have too! That little anorexic girl said she became anorexic because you are and that she thought you're a good role model!

Elizabeth: That wasn't exactly what I had in mind…

Angel's Star: Well, anyway, StarDragon411 asks: Do you guys like toast?

Elizabeth: I love toast! Especially with grape jelly.

Jack: Aye, toast is great, but the only reason Liz is obsessed with it now is because Angel's Star gave her some this morning.

Will: And that was a mistake. But, yes, toast is good.

Angel's Star: Yup, it is. Oh, really quick **SPOILER ALERT!!** Will, NickiHartistheName422 asks and says: I LOVE YOU, WILL, AND YOU ARE SO SEXY! Will kicks Jack's butt! Anyways, Will, what does it feel like to be brought back to life after dying, and what does it feel like to have no heart?

Will: Thanks! It's weird not feeling my pulse anymore, but other than that everything feels normal. Oh, Angel's Star, do you have insult protection?

Angel's Star: Yes, why? Oh, and** END SPOILER!**

Will: NickiHartistheName422 insulted you for insulting me.

Angel's Star: That's insulting.

Elizabeth: Oh, it's ok. You'll be alright.

Angel's Star: I know. I'm not too insulted anyway. Everybody _else _likes me. Anywho! Liz, guess who asked you a question?

Elizabeth: The reviewers?

Angel's Star: Yes, but my brother Adam did!

Elizabeth: NOOO!!!!

Angel's Star: I told you I'd try to get one from him for you. Ok. Adam asks: Since you're marrying Will Turner, are you a eunuch too?

(Jack bursts out laughing and Will even chuckles a bit)

Elizabeth: You can assure your brother that, no, I most certainly am not a eunuch. I can hardly believe he asked such a thing!

Angel's Star: (continues even though Elizabeth is still rambling on to herself) Ok, everybody- LIZ, SHUT UP!! RubyVulpix asks: What do you think of the action figures they made of you?

Jack: Mine's alright. The real thing is better. And thanks for saying action figures, not dolls.

Will: I like mine! It's like a mini-me.

Elizabeth: Yes, I guess you could think of it like that. I think they're cool.

Angel's Star: Me too! Jack, Will, RubyVulpix typed out Dash's question: If you were in a battle against Syndrome (me and my family's nemesis) as his robot, the Omnidroid, how would you defeat them? (pause) And they said Syndrome has Zero-Point energy, jut so you know.

Jack: Simple! William will go running off and distract the robot while I run my sword through Syndrome a couple times!

Will: Figures you'd come up with something like that. Why not use someone we don't like as the distraction…like Beckett!

Jack: Even better!

Angel's Star: Glad you two got that worked out. Ok, Will, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asked you a question: Did it hurt?

Will: Did what hurt?

Angel's Star: You know….(waits for Will to pick up on it) Snip-snip?

Will: Wha- No, because it never happened!

Jack: 'Course it did! Why else would you have sang the lovely soprano part at Angel's Star's party the other day?

Elizabeth: Because you kicked him in your drunken stupor, that's why!

Angel's Star: Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with Liz, for once. Still not sure where you got that rum seeing as how we don't own any… But onto our next question! Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: Yes, I now know what the beauty of freedom means to you...but, what's your idea of the ideal world where you are free. For example, for me...it would be a world of sea. No need to port, got everything I need, standing at the helm…looking out to the horizon without a worry or a thought in my head. Just me…and the beauty that is the sea...What would it be to you?

Jack: Ah, good vision you've got there. Very similar to mine, actually. I'd include a few merchant ships or something so I wouldn't get bored with all that standing and staring. And rum! Lots of rum.

Angel's Star: Can't forget that rum. Liz, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: Since you essentially..."drowned your guilt" as the writers put it...when you, like, killed Jack, are you still guilty? Like...even though you saved him and stuff, do you still feel bad for like...killing him?

Elizabeth: Yes, I'm still guilty and occasionally I do feel bad about it, but I remember that it was what I had to do at the time.

Angel's Star: I'm still mad about that, just so you know…Jack, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints asks: If you hate Lizzie so much…why'd ya kiss her back?

Jack: If a girl has enough courage to come kiss me first, I'll kiss her back. It has nothing at all to do with Liz.

Angel's Star: Good.

Will: Oh, Angel's Star, DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints has a question for you: How in the bloody world could you be a WE fan? Don't get me wrong, love, I admire someone who can express their love for a couple...but why them? No offense to ANY WE or Willabeth fans.

Angel's Star: I feel special getting questions…

Elizabeth: Yes, we all know that, now answer it!

Angel's Star: Ok, ok! I've got two reasons: One is that they're like the perfect couple of all time. And two, is that Jack's MINE!!! (sees Jack's worried) No, I won't glomp you again.

Jack: Good.

Angel's Star: Yeah, ok Will, Almenel-Miriel says: Don't worry about the insults! I first watched the movie because of you. Until I realized Jack was hotter…you can't blame the fangirls, right?

Will: Umm…thanks?

Angel's Star: You should be thankful. Liz, Almenel-Miriel says: You are so much hotter with short hair! However you do appear whiny in the movies...you should be thankful that 3 guys are/were after you! We normal girls would love that!

Elizabeth: Thank you about my hair! I'm only interested in Will. The other two can go chase after other women.

Will: Oh, Angel's Star, Almenel-Miriel asks: Have you booked your tickets? What will you do if Jack actually dies? Aren't you excited? I am hyper!

Angel's Star: I've already seen it, but heck yes I was excited! **SPOILER! **And if Jack died…I would have cried. **END SPOILER!**

Elizabeth: Why do you keep saying spoiler?

Angel's Star: Cause if people haven't seen the movie yet and they don't want it spoiled, they can mute their TVs. Jack, PSManiac asks: What does death feel like? Have you seen the Kraken's digestive track? When you went through the intestines, did you see a bright light ahead of you?

Jack: Death is cold and rather slimy…at least if you die inside the Kraken. It was too dark to see much of anything in there, and no, I didn't see a bright light ahead of me.

Will: That's disgusting…Angel's Star, PSManiac requests that you have Pintel and Ragetti on the show.

Angel's Star: Yay! That'll be fun. But not next episode. You're dad is next episode. Pintel and Ragetti will be on here soon.

Jack: Oh boy…

Angel's Star: It'll be ok. Jack, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: Is there any part of the world you haven't been? Or would like to go? If so why? And, oh yes, one more thing...PLEASE DON'T STAB THE HEART IN THE THIRD MOVIE! ME NO WANT YOU BEING CAPTAIN OF DUTCHMAN! You wouldn't suit it, you're better off with the Pearl. (pause) She also gave you a picture of the Pearl for when you're stuck inside or not feeling good.

Jack: Thanks! Lets see…..I've never been up towards Russia, not that I want to either. Yes, I prefer the Pearl over the Dutchman any day.

Angel's Star: Most of us do. Liz, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: Sorry, I can't call you Liz just yet. Just saying I think you're fantastic and I promise not to insult you unless you do anything to offend Jack or Will in the next movie, in which case my opinion could change.

Elizabeth: Thank you! You are perhaps the nicest reviewer towards me.

Jack: I think she's the only nice one towards you…

Angel's Star: Probably. Will, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: I hope you can save your dad. He's lovely…

Will: He's lovely with a star fish on his face? Well, whatever you think…

Angel's Star: Yes, well. Will, mrspatrickdempsey says: Darn straight I'm out to get you…(laughs) Ok, choose from one of the following that you would prefer: A: Send Lizzie to Davy's Locker with NO way to save her B: Push her off the plank to be eaten by sharks and again no way to save her C: Be stuck on an island with me for the rest of your life and you are only allowed to bring yourself, no weapons of any kind and nothing that you can kill me with, NOTHING whatsoever. Haha I can't wait for your answer. (evil smile)

Will: (suddenly paranoid) See?! See?! Didn't I tell you she was out to get me?!?!?!

Angel's Star: Yes, and she confirmed it in her own words, now answer you're question!

Will: Can I say none-of-the-above?

Angel's Star: No.

Will: (mumbles) Alright then……which of the first two scenarios would cause Elizabeth less pain…

Elizabeth: Will!! I can't believe you!

Jack: Send her to the Locker!

Angel's Star: I second that motion!

Will: Elizabeth, it's not you, darling. She could torture me and make me die a slow and painful death while if you got eaten by the sharks, you wouldn't feel all that much pain.

Elizabeth: That doesn't make it any better!

Angel's Star: Well, it's decided. Sharks it is! Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: How did it feel to fly from one ship to another? It looked pretty funny lol and amazing. Do you feel sad that in like 8 days( from when I typed this question. You could change the number of days for when you post it) there won't be anymore new you? Unless they make a fourth!! (pause) I WANNA FOURTH!!!

Jack: (edges away slightly) Flying from one ship to the other was fun, actually. It would have been even better under different circumstances. I doubt there won't be any "old" me, not with all of my crazed fangirls out there writing new stories about me.

Angel's Star: Yeah, 'cause us crazed fangirls are cool like that.

Will: Oh, Angel's Star, mrspatrickdempsey asks: You know you're like psychic right?? You had Davy in here and you used buckets to keep him on land. I saw a clip thingy and I'm pretty sure Davy is in a bucket!! Yes, just needed to state that… lol How many more of these episodes are you going to do? Also what other guest stars are you going to have?

Angel's Star: I'm psychic? Sweetness!! Maybe I should start telling fortunes…

Jack: You wouldn't last one day doing that. Not with all those crazy people around you.

Angel's Star: True. When I saw POTC 3, I saw Davy in a bucket. I had no idea about that when I wrote the chapter! Honestly. But anywho, I don't know how many more episodes there'll be. It depends on if you guys keep asking us questions, which I hope you do! And guest stars…hmm….We'll just have to see as the show progresses as to who all we have on here.

Jack: At least Davy's out of the way…

Angel's Star: Yes, be thankful about that, Jack. Will, Alel asks: So, you're dashing, noble, and heroic. You're dangerously close to being the perfect man, except for (in my opinion) when you do "stupid" things without really thinking them through first. So, I have two questions- one, what do you think is your biggest flaw (and if you say something like "Less ab definition than I'd like" I will use it as a reason to make fun of you for the rest of the duration of this show); and, two: what do you think is the stupidest thing you've done so far?

Will: Um, alright. My biggest flaw in my opinion would be that I'm not as tough as I feel I should be. And this show pretty much confirms it. Everybody's calling me a pansy or something like that!

Angel's Star: You'll be happy to know that I haven't.

Will: Yes, thanks. But you've picked at me in other ways. As for the stupidest thing I've ever done, I'd have to say- oh wait **SPOILER!** I'd have to say it was when I went over to Beckett's side in the third movie so I could have revenge on Jack. **END SPOILER!**

Angel's Star: You do that spoiler alert very well. Jack, Alel asks: Does Angel's Star have some sort of evil, black-magic hold on your thoughts? Since she, y'know, has you bound into an actual relationship? (Or is she LYING!?)

Jack: No, I'm not in an actual relationship. She just likes to think that.

Angel's Star: Don't bust my bubble! I like my bubble…It's friendly. Jack, Alel also asks: Since I'm pretty much your coolest fangirl ever (except for when I led that whole "fangirls storming the studio"--apologies for that) can you do somethin' cool for me:D What, I don't care, use your imagination!

Jack: Alright…hmm…I need rum!

Will: Jack, now's not the time for drinking…

(Jack pulls out his gun and shoots at a steel plate in the back of the studio. The bullet bounces off it, hit's a steal plate on the ceiling, and breaks the bottle while the man's still walking out to them. Thankfully, the bottle was empty.)

Jack: He was going to cheat me out of my rum!

Angel's Star: Good thing you didn't really need any. Another good thing is that you didn't shoot his hand. Oh! Alel gives you chocolates! They're waiting backstage. Liz, Alel says: Yeah, I basically think you've been lying a lot on this show... care to take a lie detector test?

Elizabeth: I have_ not_ been lying, nor do I care to take a lie detector test!

Jack: You best be honest next episode. Bootstrap will be here.

Angel's Star: Yeah, you'd better be honest in front of him. He's your future father-in-law! I'll try to get a lie detector for the next show. And Liz, Alel says to eat a sandwich 'cause you need one.

(Elizabeth crosses her arms and scowls)

Will: Angel's Star, Alel says: Rock on, darlin'! It's still hilarious!

Angel's Star: Yay! I'm glad. Thanks! Oh shoot, it's the end of the show…

Jack: It's not the end forever, love.

Angel's Star: True. As you all have heard, Bootstrap will be on here next time, so be sure to ask him, Jack, Will, Liz, and even me plenty of questions so we can have an episode! Thank you all for the support so far and goodnight!

-------

**A/N: **Not quite as long as the others, but still a decent length. Thanks for reading! Please review! 


	11. Episode 11

A/N: Hey, I've got a bunch of new reviewers! Yay! Thanks everybody (even you regular reviewers) for all the questions! Weeeeeeee!

Disclaimer: Pirates belongs to Disney…not me…boohoo…

Episode 11

(Audience cheers as Angel's Star hurries out to her seat on stage)

Angel's Star: Thanks, everybody, for the support! I'm proud to present our eleventh episode! I had no idea this show would be this popular, but it is thanks to you guys. And our talented pirates, of course. Please welcome Jack, Will, Liz, and Bootstrap Bill!

(The four walk out onto stage. Bootstrap looks uncertain and Will helps him to his seat)

Angel's Star: What a good son you are, Will! I'm so proud of you!

Will: Uh, thanks. (sits)

Jack: At least someone is.

Elizabeth: You're the only one who isn't, Jack, so hush.

Angel's Star: Be nice, Liz! I've got to explain how the show works to our guest. Bootstrap, what we do on here is I'll ask you a question from one of our viewers and you'll answer it, ok?

Bootstrap: I know. Davy Jones watches it sometimes.

Jack: HE'S STALKING ME!!!!! I need my jar of dirt! (looks around frantically) I said I need my jar of dirt!

(stage hand runs out and hands Jack his dirt, but kisses him in front of the whole world. She hurries backstage again)

Jack: Who the bloody heck was that?! (holds his jar of dirt tightly)

Angel's Star: DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints. She threatened to make me part of the ship if I didn't let her kiss you. (to the other Jack fangirls) Don't get any ideas! I had no idea she would make me do that. Honestly.

Will: Um, ok, Dad, why does Davy watch this show?

Bootstrap: He likes to know if he'll ever have to come on here again.

Angel's Star: I have ways of finding him, even if he goes underwater. Anyway! Lets get this show started, ok?

(All mumble their agreement)

Angel's Star: Alrighty! Jack, Norwegianchick101 asks: Did you not know about the scene after the credits? If you had seen it then you would know that Will is NOT a eunuch!

Jack: Oh, I know. Someone still has to call him a eunuch, though. He'd miss it too much.

Will: Not really…

Angel's Star: Will, don't be bitter! Norwegianchick101 asks: Since I defended you, can I have a kiss? Or maybe an afternoon on the beach like you and Elizabeth had at the end of the movie? I'd be willing to knock out Elizabeth if I had to. Oh, and Will, can I have your red shirt? You looked SO sexy in it. All my friends think so too! I almost fell out of my seat when I saw the movie.

Will: No, no, don't knock Elizabeth out.

Angel's Star: Some of us would like to…

Will: (ignoring her) Um, we could go to the beach, I guess. I suppose you could have the shirt. Thanks for thinking it looked good!

Jack: You could probably sneak in a kiss once you're at the beach.

Elizabeth: Jack! No kissing!

Angel's Star: Oh, Liz! Norwegianchick101 asks: You should let me make out with your husband because I've called you Elizabeth every time I've addressed you, instead of Liz or Lizzie. So I'm nice. Oh, and wanna trade bodies forever after I'm done making out with Will the first time?

Elizabeth: Well, I appreciate that you called me by my proper name every time instead of what those two call me (points at Angel's Star and Jack). But no, we can't switch bodies!

Angel's Star: You might be more loveable if you did.

Jack: And what about that poor viewer? She'll be hated by all.

Angel's Star: Good point. Liz, Willizabeth4Everx3 asks: How close were you and Will before the first movie? And I'd like to say, all of you guys are awesome and don't listen to those insulters 'cause (insert insult). AND I don't think that Liz is good with Jack, Jack would just trade her over for rum. (pause) I totally agree with you.

Jack: And what's wrong with trading her for rum?

Elizabeth: Hush! It's my question! I didn't even know Will before the first movie. Thank you for realizing that Jack and I aren't meant for each other.

Jack: I'm meant for the Pearl, the sea, and rum.

Will: Oh, Angel's Star, Willizabeth4Everx3 asks: After Pintel and Ragetti, can we have Beckett on the show?

Angel's Star: Yup! I've already had a request put in for that. Thanks! Is that it for me now?

Will: Yeah.

Angel's Star: Ok. Jack, lilmissCHRISTian has sent you an insult, but since you've got insult protection, here's the edited version: Jack, why are so much (insert insult) than Will? Why do women like you so much (even though I have a cell phone charm that says "I Love Jack"...oops)? Will ROCKS, so don't be jealous because, trust me you'd (insert insult) to him (dreamy look in my eyes). -(insert threat) JACK!

Jack: Oh no, she's comparing me to Will. What's this world coming to?

Will: Excuse me, Jack, but I've got fangirls too!

Jack: And there's one right there.

Angel's Star: Don't be too upset, Jack, you've got loving fangirls like me! Will, lilmissCHRISTian asks: Sorry, Elizabeth, but, Will, will you marry me and just throw Elizabeth overboard? Even though I like Elizabeth.

Will: Uh, no, I won't throw Elizabeth overboard. And I'm afraid I can't marry you either.

Angel's Star: Oh be nice. This is one of the only people who want to marry you. The rest just want to make out with you. Bootstrap, Primarch Azrael the Jackdaw asks: How did you know Will was your son and not just someone else? Also, how does it feel to have that stuff grow on you?

Bootstrap: I knew because he looked so much like me when I was his age. And at first having stuff grow on me was weird, but I'm used to it now. It used to itch pretty bad at first too.

Angel's Star: I imagine it would…Bootstrap, slightly crazzy x3 asks: What did you name the starfish on your face? (pause) You know, my brother wanted to ask the same thing. It must be in high demand, or something.

Bootstrap: Maybe. I named the starfish Will because I never thought I'd see him again. Davy Jones used to think I was crazy because I'd talk to it…

Will: Um…I think you've been on that ship too long…

Angel's Star: Yeah, probably… Ok. **SPOILERS!** PirateRockstarColumbia says: I want to say that even though Will is not my favorite character (sorry, buddy, Jack is kinda cooler), I was very upset when he was killed. He didn't deserve to die. Besides, since Jack technically killed Davy Jones, shouldn't HE have become Captain of the Dutchman?

Jack: I didn't stab it, Davy!

Will: No, he brought it to me and I stabbed it.

Angel's Star: There we go. Will, PirateRockstarColumbia asks: After all that you and Elizabeth have been through (and not all good), would you say it's worth it to be married to her? And how are you even doing this show? I thought that as Captain of the Dutchman, you could only come ashore for one day every ten years?

Will: It's great to be married to Elizabeth. She's everything I ever wanted in a wife. And about my being on this show…um…

Angel's Star: I can explain that. Since Will was doing this show before he became captain of the Dutchman, the Dutchman curse doesn't apply. Besides, poor Davy would have to stay at my house if Will stayed on the Dutchman, and Davy doesn't wasn't to for some reason. I don't think he likes me too much…

Will: I wonder why after you dragged him on here and put him in buckets.

Angel's Star: (shrugs) **END SPOILERS!** Jack, PirateRockstarColumbia asks: Why IS the rum always gone? And how would you react if you discovered that you had a child out there someday? Would you be happy, or would you freak out?

Jack: I have a feeling Gibbs drinks all the rum…I'm sure the crew helps too. As for having a child, I'd freak out. I don't really want a child!

Will: I wouldn't be surprised if you had a few.

Jack: Keep out of it!

Angel's Star: Ok! Liz, PirateRockstarColumbia asks: It must get so frustrating for you, all the people who ship you with Jack, or kill you off, or everything else people put you through. How do you cope with it?

Elizabeth: I don't read those things or think about them. That doesn't mean Angel's Star keep's her mouth shut about them, though…

Angel's Star: I rant about the ones where Liz is with Jack.** SPOILERS!** Bootstrap, PirateRockstarColumbia asks: In the second movie, you were able to think, deduce, and decide for yourself. What changed in the third one? You turned all loyalist on us. Why?

Bootstrap: By the third movie, I had been on the ship for too long already. It was beginning to make me a part of it.

Angel's Star: Poor Bootstrap… **END SPOILERS! **Ok, everybody! PirateRockstarColumbia asks: How do you feel, knowing that you influence many teenagers to choose 'pirate' in the pirates versus ninjas debate? Is it frustrating to even have such a debate? And Elizabeth, where do you stand? (pause) More **spoilers**! Will, Liz, they say your son is adorable. **End spoilers!**

Jack: I'm glad we've influenced them! It's better to come to the pirate side than ninjas.

Will: Yes, I agree, for once. I don't really feel frustrated by it, though. It seems us pirates are winning!

Elizabeth: So it seems. I'm for pirates, just so you know.

(all look at Angel's Star)

Angel's Star: Um…Before I could quite decide which I wanted to be, I decided to be both. I'm the Pirate Ninja, but I'm more pirate than ninja 'cause pirates are cooler.

Jack: Good to see you've come to our side!

Angel's Star: Thanks. **SPOILERS!** Liz, TATheSunTiwn asks: I really love the Pirate clothes you wear in the third movie. It suits you. And how do feel being the Pirate King for the first time?

Elizabeth: Thank you! Being Pirate King is pretty cool. Hey, I could tell Jack what to do!

Jack: All in favor of overthrowing the Pirate King? (he and Angel's Star raise their hands. He sees that it's a tie) We'll settle this later.

Angel's Star: Ok. Will, TA TheSunTiwn asks: You were really cool asking Liz to marry you during a chaos fighting. How do you feel about it?

Will: I admit it wasn't the best timing, but I'm glad I did. I'm comfortable with my decision.

Angel's Star: That's good. Jack, TATheSunTiwn asks: How do you feel about your parents since your dad is the keeper of the code and your mom...a head?

Jack: My dad's always been weird…Honestly. I'm not sure why exactly he kept my dead mother's head…

Angel's Star: Poor Jack. **END SPOILERS! **Will, TATheSunTiwn asks: Will you go insane if you find out that Jack is related to you or you have a half-sister that you didn't know too?

Will: Yes. I'm pretty sure I would.

Jack: Aw, don't be that way!

Angel's Star: Yeah, Jack's cool! Liz, TATheSunTwin asks: Do you like mermaids? (pause) **SPOILER! **They also say your son is cute. **END SPOILER!**

Elizabeth: Thanks! I guess mermaids are alright. I've never really thought about it.

Angel's Star: Bootstrap, TATheSunTwin asks: Did any mermaids hit on you when you first joined Davy Jones?

Bootstrap: No, not that I know of.

Angel's Star: That's good. Jack, TATheSunTwin asks: Will Davy Jones kill you if he find out about you and Tia together?

Jack: What? No! I'm not with Tia Dalma. He doesn't have another reason to kill me.

Will: Oh, Angel's Star- **SPOILER!** TATheSunTwin asks: Will you bring Davy Jones and Tia together on the show so me and other reviewers ask them about their broken love and either help or insult them?

Angel's Star: (shrugs) I might. They've already been on here, but I suppose I could eventually. I'll let you know. **END SPOILERS!** Ok, Jack, Bootstrap, and Davy (I know you're watching!) TATheSunTwin asks: Will ALL of you go insane if a very crazy man say that he will destroy all the rum over the world and will you kill him before he does? Because he's on Tortuga right now and ready to blow the rum up. (Put an army helmet and hide her bed when the pirates go insane) Angel's Star, Liz, and Will, you guys better hide too!

(Angel's Star, Will and Elizabeth hide as directed)

Jack: Bloody man! Of course I'll kill him! (gets up to leave and Bootstrap follows)

Angel's Star: Wait, guys! (jumps up) You can't leave yet! The show's not over!

Bootstrap: But someone's going to blow up our rum!

Angel's Star: Look, I'm sending someone over there right now to keep him at bay until the show's over and you two can get there, ok? Now sit down! (they sit) **SPOILERS!** Ok, Liz, nascar-freak asks: First off I'd like to send you my salutations and I LOVE your name! Anyway, in AWE you allowed Norrington to actually kiss you! Does that mean you really cared for him even just a little bit? I hope I'm not embarrassing you (and Will, please don't take this question in bad way.)

Elizabeth: I don't have _those_ feelings for Norrington. I mean, he's a nice guy part of the time and I like him as a friend…sometimes.

Angel's Star: **END SPOILERS!** Ok. Jack, Captain-Rogue-River asks: What's the longest you've ever went without rum? Since I put through the agony of having to relive the longest you ever went without rum I give 3 lifetime supplies of rum. Does that make you feel better?

Jack: Aye! That makes it better! But lets see…I'd have to say about a week. And that was the longest week of my life…

Angel's Star: Well, you've got plenty of rum now! Will, Captain-Rogue-River says: You are way hotter than CAPTAIN Jack. The only fight me and Mom have is who's hotter. She's says Jack, I say you. And do you need a body guard? I'm fairly good with a sword.

Will: Yes! You could guard me against mrspatrickdempsey! Oh, Angel's Star, Captain-Rogue-River says: You are awesome! This story is freakin' SWEET!

Angel's Star: Thanks! Liz, Captain-Rogue-River says: I don't know why so many people hate you! I understand that you had to kiss Jack to save yourself and Will. **(SPOILER)** My question is: How'd you feel when you met Bootstrap?

Elizabeth: Thank you. I was scared at the time I met him, but also a bit excited to have finally met him.

Angel's Star: How sweet. Bootstrap: How'd you feel when you met Elizabeth? I think that it was sweet that you wanted to stay with Will in the third movie.

Bootstrap: I don't really remember, but I think I was happy yet confused. I was becoming part of the ship, remember?

Angel's Star: **(END SPOILER) **Poor Bootstrap. Everybody, RubyVulpix asks: Which animal do you think you are most like (in term of personality)?

Elizabeth: I think I'm like a kitten…sort of. Cute and cuddly?

Jack: What animal drinks rum?

Will: None of them.

Jack: Well I don't know then! Why not just say I'm a……dog! There. I'm a dog.

Angel's Star: I think Will's more like a dog. Actually, somebody's told me I'm like a dog.

Jack: Hey, the Kraken ate my rum! I'm like the Kraken. We both like rum.

Angel's Star: That's ironic… Ok, RubyVulpix typed Dash's question: If each of you would have a chance to torture Beckett, how would you torture him?

Will: I wouldn't give him any tea. The man's obsessed with that stuff.

Jack: I would painfully torture him until he DIED!

(all scoot away)

Elizabeth: Um, I'm not good at torture…I might just mess up his office pretty badly.

Angel's Star: You know what? I don't even want to know how you know you're not good at torturing people…Bootstrap, RubyVulpix asks: How was it to be trapped for eternity on the Flying Dutchman?

Bootstrap: Horrible. It was abusive and hard work.

Angel's Star: Well that's fixed now. **PARTIAL SPOILER!** Will, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: I hate to embarrass you in front of your dad, but if you were forced to (I mean held at gun point and no disappearing acts) which of these would you wear whilst captaining the Dutchman? A. A pink mini skirt with a black boob tube B. A pink thong with a pink bikini top or C. A pink frilly ball gown and I mean florescent pink. Oh and when I said your dad was lovely I meant he is really sweet and he was so nice in the 3rd film later on. (pause) **END PARTIAL SPOILER!**

Will: And I thought I'd get out of this episode unembarrassed…Um…I'd say the ball gown because it covers up more than the other two.

(the others snicker uncontrollably except for Bootstrap who sympathetically smiles at his son)

Angel's Star: Ok! (laughs) Jack, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: Is it true you worked for Beckett at one point then when he asked you to collect slaves you let them go instead and returned to Beckett only to be branded and then had to go on the run? I also read that your original ship supposedly called the Wicked Wench sank and that you got Davy to raise it and rechristen it. I'm just confuzzled if its a rumor or not. Oh and by the way you rock! You're even more cool when you've had too much rum.

Jack: Aye, that's right.

Angel's Star: That was fast. Liz, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: I better be your favorite reviewer (gives chocolates and flowers) I'm not trying to bribe you…(shifty eyes) I loved your Asian dress in the 3rd film, though the head dress made you look like Queen Amidala a little bit.

Elizabeth: Thank you! You are my favorite reviewer.

Angel's Star: Aw, so sweet. Bootstrap, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: I think you're awesome and I'd like to ask how you became a pirate, please, if you don't mind sharing.

Bootstrap: Thank you! I don't think anything really spurred me onto becoming a pirate other than a crazy notion I got one day. Then the next day, I left Will and my wife to become a pirate.

Angel's Star: Poor Will and his lost mom! Ok. DxS Phreak asks: What's your position on crossovers? Neutral, or against it?

Jack: I don't really care.

Will: Me either.

Elizabeth: I'm not very fond of them, really.

Angel's Star: I don't read them, but I don't have anything against them. **SPOILERS!** Will, DxS Phreak says: Since you wore that red shirt and you have that sexy chest scar, my mother loves you more than ever. (Remember--she's the '49-year-old'.)

Will: Um, thank? Tell your mom I'm flattered, I guess.

Angel's Star: Yeeeaaah….Liz, DxS Phreak asks: I really hate to admit this but...you looked pretty when you were on the Empress and Sao Feng thought you were Calypso. What was it like to be kissed by three different guys in one movie?

Elizabeth: Um, being kissed by three different guys…Interesting, I guess. But being kissed by Will is the only kiss I care about.

Angel's Star: That's sweet! Enough sweetness. **END SPOILER!** Jack, DxS Phreak says: Still love ya, babe, but...I've been turning into a Will fangirl as of late. Any chance of changing my mind? (winks suggestively)

Jack: What?! Meet me outside after the show and after I kill that man in Tortuga, savvy?

Angel's Star: You'd better come see me too, Jack! Oh, **SPOILERS!** Bootstrap, MTVbabe11 asks: Oh my gosh! I can't believe YOU cut your own son's heart out! What was that about?

Bootstrap: Somebody had to because the Dutchman has to have a captain. I was just the nearest one with a knife.

Will: It hurt, you know.

Bootstrap: Sorry.

Angel's Star: Well, even through the pain you got DxS Phreak's mom to love you more. Will, MTVbabe11 asks: First of all you were SO hot in the 3rd movie! Me and my friend cried so hard when you died. Anyway, is the curse broken after 10 years?

Will: Since Elizabeth was faithful, supposedly it is. Hopefully it is…

Angel's Star: Oh don't worry! My contract overrides the curse. Liz, MTVbabe11 asks: Was that island you were dropped off on deserted?

Elizabeth: Not completely, no. I did some exploring and found a few other people on it, but I live alone on my side of it.

Angel's Star: You're becoming a hermit, you know that, right?

Elizabeth: I'm not a hermit!

Angel's Star: Always in denial…Anyway, Liz, Random Authoress asks: What were your thoughts when Will confronted you below decks on the Pearl after Jack had been rescued?

Elizabeth: I couldn't believe he didn't trust me more than that. But I was feeling guilty and upset that I hurt him.

Jack: What about me?! You hurt me! It didn't feel great getting eaten…

Angel's Star: I'll bet not. Bootstrap, Random Authoress asks: Why did you kill Norrington? He was helping your future daughter-in-law, after all.

Bootstrap: I couldn't help it. Davy Jones' hold on me was getting stronger and stronger. I didn't have any say in what I did.

Angel's Star: Poor Bootstrap. It's pretty much all better now! Anyway, Bootstrap, my brother Adam asks: How do you feel about your son marrying an anorexic?

Bootstrap: What's that?

Angel's Star: Hardly eating a thing.

Bootstrap: Oh….she's anorexic? Will, we need to have a talk about this.

Elizabeth: I'm not anorexic!

Angel's Star: Suuuuure….Jack, Almenel-Miriel asks: Do you know there is actually help out there for the schizo/orsomeothername Phase that you were going through and maybe still are? I can be your shrink!

Jack: Oh, all those other…me's? No, that's gone now that I've got some rum in me. William might need a shrink, being a eunuch and all…

Will: I'm not a eunuch.

Angel's Star: Well, Will, Almenel-Mirial asks: How's life on the Dutchman?

Will: Well, if I was actually on the Dutchman, I think it would be great. But seeing as how Angel's Star's contract she made me sign forces me to stay at her house so I'll be close by for the shows, I can't answer the question.

Angel's Star: You're making me sound like the bad guy- er, girl. Bootstrap, Almenel-Mirial says: Yo! You are (insert insult)! And do not look like Will! But still, you distracted D.J long enough!

Bootstrap: Uh…thanks? I guess…

Will: Yeah, sometimes it's best just to nod and say thanks. **END SPOILERS!** Oh, Angel's Star, Almenel-Mirial says: BRING BACK D.J! I MISS HIM! (I think the caps should hint how much I want him back!) (pause) She called you Angel, by the way.

Angel's Star: Thanks! I feel like my OC now. But…hm…we've got two other guests lined up already, but I guess I'll bring DJ back eventually- DJ!!!!!!! (sobs)

Everybody: What's wrong?!

Angel's Star: My kitten!!! (sobs)

Jack: He's not dead or hurt in any way, so stop crying!

Angel's Star: (stops sobbing and just sits there sniffing) The initials DJ reminds me of Davy.

Will: Um, look, I'll finish the show ok?

(Angel's Star nods)

Will: Ok. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. Next time it's just going to be me, Elizabeth, Jack, and Angel's Star, so be sure to ask a lot of questions. Thanks again and goodnight!

(screen fades to black)

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A/N: That's it here! Thanks for all the questions and I hope I get just as many this time. Thanks again!


	12. Episode 12

A/N: So, I'm assuming most of you guys have seen AWE by now, so **I won't be announcing spoilers now**, ok? If you haven't seen it…….well…it's your choice what to do. Enjoy it with whatever you do!

Disclaimer: Go look at the past eleven disclaimers.

Episode 12

(Angel's Star walks out on stage and the audience cheers and claps)

Angel's Star: One dozen episodes so far! Go you guys for having questions! Thank you all for asking tons of questions so this show can continue. Anyway, you didn't come to hear me yak, so please welcome Jack, Will, and Liz!

(Audience cheers like crazy as our favorite pirates walk out onto the stage)

Angel's Star: Welcome back, guys!

(They all say hi)

Jack: You'll be glad to know I killed the man who was about to blow up my rum.

Will: But it's not yours. It's every pirate's rum. That is, unless you bought it all.

Jack: Which I did.

Angel's Star: That's got to be a lot including the hundreds of gifts of rum you've gotten from the reviewers and me.

Elizabeth: You buy him rum?

Angel's Star: Why not?

Elizabeth: You're unbelievable….

Angel's Star: Thanks! I knew you'd come around to my side eventually, Liz.

Elizabeth: (sarcastically) Yeah, just took me a while…

Angel's Star: Yup, well you guys ready to start the show?

(They all nod)

Angel's Star: Good! Liz, the first question is for you from PrincessZeldaSkywalker: How is it that you managed to see your dead father, a dead Norrington, have Will die and then leave you for ten years while you are left pregnant and not go completely insane?

Elizabeth: Well, I knew I had to be strong and stay sane for the baby's sake, so I tried to stay busy so I wouldn't think about those things.

Angel's Star: I've got a question here. Who built your house? I mean, pregnant women don't normally build houses single-handedly.

Elizabeth: Some of the people on the other side of the island helped me with it.

Angel's Star: So you're not a complete hermit! Liz, another question from PrincessZeldaSkywalker: Will you ever get so upset that you'll stab Will's heart?

Elizabeth: Of course not!!

Will: (relaxes) Good…

Angel's Star: I wouldn't let her anyway. You're too nice. Ok, Jack, this question is for you and Barbossa, but since Barbossa's not here you can answer it. PrincessZeldaSkywalker asks: Did you ever find the fountain of youth? And did Barbossa ever find Jack?

Jack: I haven't found it yet. I'm stuck on this show right now….No, Barbossa didn't find me until Angel's Star brought him on this show.

Angel's Star: Hey, someone had to. Liz, another question for you from PrincessZeldaSkywalker: How did you ever get off that island you were left on at the end of POTC 3? And did you name your child William?

Elizabeth: Interesting thing, how I got off the island. It was night and I was sleeping when all the sudden, I heard a loud bump. I sat up and was immediately tackled. Next thing I knew I was at Angel's Star's house. Oh, yes, I did name my child William.

Angel's Star: I don't think my toe has yet recovered from me hitting it so hard on your bed…

Elizabeth: That's what you get for kidnapping me and my child!

Angel's Star: Hey, at least you're together. Liz, X5-549 asks: Do you like being know as the 'king' of the pirates or would you prefer to be Queen? And do you enjoy it? (pause) And they addressed you as Highness King of the Pirates.

Elizabeth: Thanks! I would prefer to be called queen, because I'm a woman and all. I do enjoy being Pirate King- er, Queen because I can boss around Jack. But the downside of that is Angel's Star threatens me every time I try to boss him around.

Jack: And you wouldn't believe some of the absurd things she wanted me to do!

Elizabeth: All I wanted you to do is to stop making out with Angel's St-

Angel's Star: WHOA THERE, LIZ! (clears throat and glances around) Jack, X5-549 asks: Do you regret giving Elizabeth your vote? And did you inherit your father's musical ability?

Jack: Aye, I regret giving her my vote! I don't know about inheriting my father's musical ability. I've never been too interested in playing an instrument, so I don't know.

Angel's Star: Ok, then. Will, X5-549 asks: Are you happy with your father for cutting out your heart? (pause) And they actually called you Captain! (laughs)

Will: Why's that funny? I _am_ a captain, after all. But, I guess he did what he had to do and by doing that, I lived. So, yes, I guess I'm happy about it. Oh, Angel's Star, DarkPirategirl asks: Do you hate Elizabeth of do you just like joking around with her?

Angel's Star:……Liz, cover your ears. (Elizabeth does so) There are moments that I think she's not too bad, but then I remember she kissed and killed Jack and I hate her again. I hold grudges…

(Will pulls Elizabeth's hands off her ears)

Angel's Star: Ok, Liz, DarkPirategirl asks: Can you seriously love Will even though you only get to see him one day every ten years?

Elizabeth: Yes, I can. True love never dies.

Angel's Star: That's the name of one of my stories!

Elizabeth: Yes, it is. But this show is actually a good thing because Will and I are together.

Audience: Awwww!

Angel's Star: Yes, well. Will, DarkPirategirl asks: Why do you try to act all cool? P.S. I have seen Pirates 3 three times and the first time I saw it I laughed really hard when you died. (pause) Ouch…Even I almost cried!

Will: And I appreciate it, really. I try to act cool because I've got tough competition (points to Jack). If I didn't try, you people would insult me more than you insult Elizabeth!

Angel's Star: And that's a lot.

Elizabeth: I'm right HERE!

Angel's Star: So you are. Jack, DarkPirategirl asks: Even though you keep saying that you could never stay with one woman, if you had to stay with one woman, would you ever think about being with Elizabeth? P.S. do you like Linkin Park? If you do, then what's your favorite song by them?

Jack: No, I'd never think of being with Elizabeth! Bloody rum burning wench!

Elizabeth: Again, I'm right HERE!

Jack: (ignoring her) I've never heard a song by Linkin Park. Angel's Star doesn't listen to them.

Angel's Star: (trance-like state) Fall Out Boy goooooooood. (end trance-like state) Did I just black out again? Sorry.

Will: Um, ok then. Anne Herbold says she's she loves your show and that she's addicted to it like Jack is to rum. And she called you Angel

Angel's Star: That's pretty addicted. Thanks! I'm loving the new nickname you guys have given me! Will, Anne Herbold asks: Who does your hair? I LOVE YOUR HAIR! It's just so fantastically smooth and shiny. It is a gazillion times sexier than Jack's! Also, what do you do to make it look so voluminous?

Will: Thank you! I just fix my hair by myself usually. Elizabeth sometimes helps. And it's naturally thick, so that's probably why it's voluminous.

Angel's Star: It does look nice. Jack, Anne Herbold asks: Have you ever considered having Led Zepplin's "Whole Lotta Love" as your theme song? It totally rocks and very well suits you and your way of life, as you're a very kinky man. Also, to quote Robert Plant of Led Zepplin, do you want to be Elizabeth's "Backdoor Man"?

Jack: I've never thought about having it as my theme song, but I might. And, no, I don't want to be Elizabeth's "Backdoor Man." She burns my rum!

Angel's Star: Seriously, Liz, how mean can you get? Jack, theLOSTCSIfreak asks: What's it like having a rock star for a dad? Also, which is your favorite Rolling Stones song? Furthermore, in your multiple selves scene, what does it feel like to lay an egg (and hit on a goat)?

Jack: I don't want to relieve that!

Angel's Star: It'll be ok. Just answer the question and get it out of the way. Remember Almenel-Miriel volunteered to be your shrink if you need one.

Jack: I don't need one….Have a rock star as my father is…interesting. He's always tried to push some sort of instrument on me. My favorite Rolling Stones song is Satisfaction because I like the name.

Will: What good bases to like a song!

Jack: Shut up, Will. I didn't feel it when the other me laid an egg, but it looked weird. And that one hitting on a goat…(shudders)

Angel's Star: It's ok. (pats his back) Will, theLOSTCSIfreak asks: Are you and Elizabeth going to have a second wedding to make up for the first one (no offense, but being married in the middle of a huge fight just doesn't seem romantic)?

Will: Uh…

Elizabeth: No, I like it how it is.

Will: That's fine with me.

Angel's Star: Okie dokie. Liz, theLOSTCSIfrek asks: How on earth did you hide that one huge weapon on your person in Singapore?

Elizabeth: Now that is a mystery I've never quite figured out myself. I just remember thinking baggy clothes would really help hide it, though.

Angel's Star: I guess you were right for once. Ok, everybody! theLOSTCSIfreak asks: Have you listened to the soundtracks for any of the movies? If so, which is your favorite (mine personally is At World's End)?

Will: I like the first one best. Probably because it's the first one.

Jack: I'd say I liked the second one, but I got eaten in that one, so I'll say the first one too.

Elizabeth: I like the third one too because it's so different.

Angel's Star: Sorry, Jack, but mine would have to be the second one. Will, CaptainxGabrielxLocke says: First off, when you died I had everyone around me in the theater holding me down while I screamed. Anyways, I also think it's kind'a funny how Jack made all them eunuch jokes about you and then you get Elizabeth pregnant the first time you had sex with her. (pause) Come to think of it, it is funny.

Will: Yeah, Jack.

Jack: (shrugs) As I've said before, if I don't make eunuch jokes, who will?

Angel's Star: Some of the reviewers maybe? Liz, oh, sorry, _Mrs. Turner_, CaptainxGabrielxLocke asks: You say that you were surprised Will didn't trust you after he confronted you about Jack... well, when you kiss the captain then don't tell Will you did it in the least, then what makes you think you deserve to be trusted?

Elizabeth: I guess I don't deserve it, but it just surprised me at the moment is all.

Jack: It surprised you that dear William didn't trust you after you kept a giant secret that threatened your marriage from him?

Angel's Star: Apparently…Liz, sai-des asks: Is it only me...or is this thing full of insults? Anyways...in Pirates 1, that corset thing...was it THAT tight or did you only do it so that you didn't have to answer Norrington?

Elizabeth: It's not just you…this show is full of insults and I'm usually the one getting insulted. But, yes, that corset was actually that tight. I would have given him a proper answer if I hadn't fainted.

Angel's Star: Well, he knows the answer now! Jack, sai-des says: Pick one: Room full of rum or room full of women.

Jack: Why does the question have to be so hard? Hmm……Sorry, rum, I'll go with the women.

Angel's Star: Am I one of those women?

Jack: If you want to be.

Angel's Star: Ok! Will, sai-des asks: What was your reaction when you saw that your father was half human, half barnacle?

Will: I was shocked. I had no idea he was that bad off and I couldn't figure out how he had managed to get like that.

Jack: He was on Davy's crew, need I say more?

Angel's Star: Oh! A question just came to mind. Will, do have the Kraken back?

Will: Um, yes, I've got the Kraken-

Jack: TRAITOR!

Will: (continues even though Jack's shouting about him being a traitor) But I don't send it after people!

Angel's Star: (shouts above Jack) Ok, that's good. JACK! HUSH!! (Jack's stops and crosses his arms) I like the Kraken. It was Davy's fault it ate you, Jack. Anyway, guys, Masked Accomplice asks: What do you guys think of Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Keira Knightley? And, would you like to meet them?

Elizabeth: I'd love to meet her! She seems cool.

Will: Sure, I'd like to meet Orlando. He portrays me well in the movies.

Jack: I guess I'd like to meet Johnny. He seems like a cool guy.

Angel's Star: I'd want to meet Johnny too. Ok, everybody, PSManiac asks: Have you played any of the POTC video games or games with POTC in them (Such as Kingdom Hearts 2)? If so what do you think about the games?

Elizabeth: I don't play video games, but I've seen these three play them. I wouldn't really know.

Jack: I've played the first Pirates game. I like how it portrays me.

Will: Yeah, I've played the Pirates game and even Kingdom Hearts 2. They're both cool.

Angel's Star: I've played the first Pirates game and I own Kingdom Hearts 2, so I've played it too. I like them both, but I was disappointed that Johnny doesn't do Jack's voice in KH2. Anyway! Will, Norwegianchick101 says: I'm loving the shirt, it's really comfortable, so...how about that afternoon on the beach? Can't wait!

Will: Um….(scoots away from Elizabeth who's glaring at him) me too? (nervous laughter)

Angel's Star: Calm down, Liz. I'm sending a spy! (mutters) But he'll probably get distracted by the ice cream stand and forget what he's doing. (normal voice) Anyway! Jack, Norwegianchick101 says: I don't care if everyone hates me and Will is sexier than you and I'd make out with him all day!

Jack: Um. Ok. I've got lots of fans to make out with such as Angel's Star and DxS Phreak.

Angel's Star:…………Liz, Norwegianchick101 says: Since you obviously care what people think about you and I don't I think that you should leave Will to me!

Elizabeth: No, I won't leave Will to you! (jumps up, but some security guards come and strap her down to her seat) Hey!

Angel's Star: That's to preserve the safety of our reviewers. Everybody, Isabella Cherone, who was DarlingOfAngelsDemonsAndSaints, asks: What's your favorite ride at Disney World? (pause) She's writing a fic about it.

Jack: I like the Pirates ride because I'm in it!

Will: I like the Tower of Terror because it's a good thriller.

Elizabeth: I think the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad it pretty cool.

Angel's Star: Ok. Jack, Isabella Cherone says: You were a really good kisser...but, I think Will might be a better kisser...care to prove me wrong? (raises eyebrows)

Jack: (sighs) Fine. Meet me after the show.

Angel's Star: ME FIRST!

Jack: Uh, alright, after Angel's Star.

Will: Jack, can't you just let me be the best at something?

Jack: Not at this, I can't.

Angel's Star: (laughs) Ok then. Jack, ILoveJohnDoggett, who was JackSparrowIsMyLover, says: OMG! I loved when, in the third movie, you blew in Will's face and made him fall backwards! (Sorry Will, but you were kinda being an insert insult) Did you plan that from the beginning?!

Jack: Actually, no, I didn't. It just came to me and I agree. Will was being an idiot.

Angel's Star: Yes, well. Liz, ILoveJohnDoggett says: I'm actually glad that you chose Will at the end! Jack is better alone, I think. Even so, it looks as though you and Jack are really good friends. It was so touching when Will "died" and Jack grabbed you and you and him flew on that sail thing. I'm sure Jack will always take care of you like that.

Elizabeth: Yes, well, we have our moments of good friendship. I'd hope Jack would take care of me like that.

(Jack coughs, Angel's Star laughs)

Angel's Star: We'll go with that! Will, ILoveJohnDoggett asks: What was it like coming back after 10 years and seeing that you had a son? (Who is adorable by the way!) I don't know why people pick on you so much, I would love to have you in my family!

Will: Thanks! It was the most amazing thing to come back home and see my son there. It was so surreal.

Angel's Star: I'll bet it was. Guys, ILoveJohnDoggett says: I hope there is a fourth one! I will certainly miss you guys! No looking forward to seeing the new movies anymore! (SOBS) Will you guys hold me?

Jack and Will: Er…

Elizabeth: Of course we will!

Angel's Star: Hey, I'm just as heartbroken and you guys didn't volunteer to hold me…

Elizabeth: Well, we'll hold you too.

Angel's Star: Ok! Jack, DxS Phreak says: Thx for that amazing night after your little massacre episode (is shot by Angel). You are so hawt without your shirt. OMGNOSEBLEED X33 heh...sorry. Anyways, which would you choose - being stranded on a deserted island with a million clones of each of my three (four, including my sister's) cats for eternity with an unlimited supply of rum, or being stranded on a deserted island with my hot 18-year-old sister (Apparently, she thinks you're a sexy pirate) with an unlimited supply of aphrodisiacs? (I think I'll barf now) (pause and hollers to people off set) Where's my gun?!

Jack: Calm down, Angel! You've got me tonight, remember? Alright, now to the question-

Angel's Star: No, I don't! I have to share you again! (cries)

Jack: Anyway, I'd choose your sister. Angel's Star likes cats, though, so she'd probably like to be on an island with them.

Angel's Star: (suddenly ok) Cats are cute. And yours sound cute too! Will, DxS Phreak asks: My agrees with me when I say you look like Criss Angel. Oh, and (blush) can I kiss you? x3 Not like...a lavish fangirl make out session like with Jack (sorreh Angel XD) but a kissy-kissy...kiss? X3

Will: Um….maybe? (glances nervously at Elizabeth)

Elizabeth: Angel's Star, I'm going to need to borrow your gun.

Angel's Star: No, you won't. She's got kitties she needs to tend to!

Jack: Saved by a cat.

Angel's Star: Yup. Liz, DxS Phreak says: Sorry I asked that. I'm a freaky fangirl. Anyways, I must say, I felt for you when your father passed on to heaven. It reminded me of my grandpa. If you had the choice of winning a million pieces of eight, or a million dollars, what would you choose? There are many deciding factors here--you can live in either the 1700's or 2007, and authentic pieces of eight could be worth a fortune today. (Wow I'm weird.) (pause) I know what you mean about your grandpa. My papaw died too. (sniffs)

Elizabeth: I'm sorry to both of you. Since you say a million authentic pieces of eight would be worth a fortune, I'll go with that one.

Jack: Why? You're already rich. And your not getting my piece of eight! (holds the bead thing on his bandana)

Angel's Star: Looks like you'll have to settle for seven pieces of eight.

Will: Angel, DxS Phreak says: You probably don't know much about me, but I feel like we're such good friends! ..oh, there's no question, I just wanted to establish a friendship b'twixed us. Hey, I do have a question! Can Beckett be on the show? PLZ! 

Angel's Star: Friendships are always welcome! I like making friends. Yup, we'll have Beckett on here after Pintel and Ragetti, who are next episode's guests.

Jack: Woo hoo…

Angel's Star: It'll be fun! Jack, TATheSunTwin asks: Did you stop the guy from blowing up the rum? Because I'm watching the news and Tortuga is in chaos and filled with angry pirates and Jones' crew. Is Davy Jones there and did you kill the guy too?

Jack: Aye, Jones was there, but I killed the man. Then I got out of there before Jones knew I was there.

Will: Remember my father said Davy watches this show?

Jack: I do now…

Angel's Star: Well, Will TATheSunTwin asks: If you find Naruto as a baby in a boat alone in the sea will you raise him as a brother or second child or a pirate? (pause) I believe Naruto is a ninja guy in an Anime series, just so you know.

Will: Um, I couldn't just leave him there, so I guess I'd raise him as a second child.

Angel's Star: Good boy, Will. Liz, TATheSunTwin asks: Would you pass out if you met the Transformers? (pause) Liz, Transformers look like they're normal cars or trucks, but they turn into giant robots.

Elizabeth: Um, yes, I'd probably faint from fright.

Jack: Wimp…

Will: Ok…Angel, TATheSunTwin asks: What do you think about the Transformers 2007 movie? And did Davy Jones go insane in your house as he heard about the man blowing up the rum in Tortuga and make a mess in your house?

Angel's Star: I'm freakin' excited about seeing Transformers! But not as excited as when I saw Pirates 3, of course. No, Davy Jones stays on the Dutchman and Will stays at my house. Davy probably made a mess on his ship, though… Guys, TATheSunTwin gave us gifts! They gave us free pizza, rum, a fancy dinner for Elizabeth, chocolate chip cookies, fruit salad, trip tickets to Los Vegas, roses for Tia and gave Davy Jones music locket back.

(they all say their thanks)

Angel's Star: Ok. Jack, RubyVulpix thinks your more like a fox than the Kraken and I pretty much agree. Everybody, RubyVulpix asks: If you could have the chance to do time travel, which time period would you like to visit and why? (pause) Personally, I'd like to visit the age of pirates. Yes, I'm obsessed.

Elizabeth: I would want to visit the eighteen hundreds because I saw the movie Gone With the Wind. I would want to see how accurate it is.

Jack: I'd want to visit the day Davy was born so I could kill him before he killed me!

Will: He watches this, remember?

Jack:….Shoot…

Will: Maybe I would travel to the time of ninjas to see what the big deal is about them.

Angel's Star: Alrighty. Will, RubyVulpix asks: How is it to be the captain of the Flying Dutchman?

Will: Well, if I was ever on it I'd say it's great. It was good the little time I was on it.

Angel's Star: You make me sound like the bad guy. Well…girl. Will, mrspatrickdempsey says: I will admit that my eyes did get watery when you died BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I LIKE YOU NOW! GOT IT? Ok chose form the following that you would rather be at the moment: A) Paris Hilton in jail stuck with me as a cell mate(and no I'm not in jail at the moment) B) Brittney Spears in Rehab as me as your counselor person. C) Yourself stuck on a island filled with Jacks and Lizzies making out and there's no way to stop them or for you to get off the island.

Will: Yes, she's definitely out to get me.

Jack: Aye, pretty much.

Will: But…I'd chose the first one because the third is horrible and in the second you could really mess up my mind.

Angel's Star: True. Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: How was it in purgatory and what were you thinking when the Pearl was "floating" away?

Jack: It was lonely and weird. As for the Pearl, I was wondering how on earth it could possibly be floating away while on land.

Angel's Star: Poor Jack. Liz, mrspatrickdempsey says: I really liked your outfits in AWE and I think you make a kick-butt king/queen person. I hope you thanked Jack!! (pause) I don't think you're a good king/queen! You'll ruin the pirate world. I just know it!

Elizabeth: Thanks…

Angel's Star: Yup. That's what I'm here for. Anyway, we're out of time. Tune in next time when we'll have Pintel and Ragetti on here and be sure to ask everybody lots of questions. Thanks!

(Credits begin to roll across the screen and Angel's Star, Jack, and Will get up and walk off stage. Elizabeth is still strapped down to her chair and is yelling at them to come back. The screen goes black.)

-------

A/N: Phew! Hope everybody liked it. Please review and ask lots of questions because with out you, there's no episode.


	13. Episode 13

A/N: Again, just a warning that I won't announce spoilers. This doesn't seem like it's hindering you guys, so anyway…Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own the show, but not the pirates.

Chapter 13

(Angel's Star walks out onto the stage as the audience claps and cheers again. She sits in her chair and the applause dies down)

Angel's Star: Welcome back, everybody, to our thirteenth episode! Now don't be wary just because of the number thirteen. This episode is far from unlucky because we've got our regular pirates plus Pintel and Ragetti! Give them a big hand!

(Jack, Will, Elizabeth, Pintel, and Ragetti walk out onto the stage as the audience cheers. They sit down. Pintel and Ragetti are farthest from Jack)

Angel's Star: Hey, you two! Welcome to the show!

Ragetti: Hi.

Pintel: Barbossa told us a lot about this show.

Angel's Star: Really?

Pintel: Yeah, none of it was good either.

Angel's Star: (slumps slightly in her chair) Well, we can't always believe what Barbossa says…(straightens) But you guys know how this show works, right? The reviewers ask a question and you answer it?

(the two nod)

Angel's Star: Great! Lets get started with it then since we have lots of questions to answer.

Will: Actually, Angel, the first comment of the night is for you. Azura Rey says: Your show rocks!

Angel's Star: I feel special now. Thanks! Everybody, Azura Rey asks: What are your favorite movies and why? (pause) I like the Pirates trilogy because they've got Jack in them.

Will: Of course you do… I really liked the Transformers movie because everything got blown up and stuff. It was awesome.

Jack: Aye, and you stole my movie!

Will: Pick another one.

Jack: Well…I also like the Die Hard movies because of the action.

Elizabeth: I liked The Notebook. It made me cry.

(Angel's Star makes gagging noises)

Ragetti: Um…We haven't really seen any movie, so can we skip the question?

Angel's Star: Sure. Ragetti, Azura Rey asks: What's it like to have a wooden eye?

Ragetti: It's annoying that it falls out and it sometimes splinters and scratches me…I'd much rather have a glass eye.

Angel's Star: (pats him sympathetically) It's ok…Pintel, Azura Rey asks: Why do you call people poppet? What does it mean, anyway?

Pintel: I only call her that (point to Elizabeth). It's used to show fondness towards a child, so I used it sarcastically to her and it kind of stuck.

Angel's Star: Yes, I suppose it did. Liz, WWMTgirl asks: You do realize that all you have to do to stay with Will is bind yourself (and your son, come to think of it) to the Dutchman, right?

Elizabeth: Um……Yes! Of course I knew! (laughs nervously while the others look at her unbelievingly) Uh, next question, Angel. (laughs nervously again)

Angel's Star: Fine, then. Jack, WWMTgirl asks: Have you ever had a relationship with Ana-Maria?

Jack: Nope. She's…not my kind of woman. Too pushy.

Angel's Star: She is that. Pintel, Ragetti, WWMTgirl asks: Why are you constantly together? Don't you get just a little tired of being with the other person?

(they look at each other)

Pintel: Aye, we sometimes get tired of one another.

Ragetti: We tried to go separate ways one time after a fight, but we're too good of friends to do that.

Angel's Star: Like me and my best friend! Ok, Jack…Wow what a bunch of long questions. i.mpresario asks (and I'll ask them one at a time): You know what, I find you kind of (insert insult) with the whole women-finding-you-so-irresistible and you being "Captain" (ahem, and I pronounce it just like that) Jack Sparrow stuff. Don't you ever think that might just be only 'cause of the makeup you wear? I find it rather (insert insult). If you ask me, you are like, completely (insert insult) with that (insert insult to Jack's kohl) under your eyes. Take it off, you don't see other more practical pirates like Barbossa doing that. (Angel's Star gasps)

Jack: (laughs) Barbossa? Practical?! (laughs) Sorry, mate, the kohl stays.

Angel's Star: Here's a few more: Can't you give up the rum? Have you tried something different? Wine, champagne, merlot, chaubertin, pinot noir maybe...? (By the way, I'm NOT a drinker, so you know I am not a connoisseur as a lot of drunks are) Have you ever tried to STOP drinking? Take up smoking instead?

Jack: Nope, rum stays fresh longer on a ship. It's a proven fact. Plus it tastes better than any of that…garbage you named. Smoking is a disgusting habit and, no, I'd never try it.

Angel's Star: Yay for non-smokers! Here's even more: I don't care if some woman had styled your hair. It looks like (more insults). Norrington looks clean, at least. Have you ever considered a wig? Or am I to seriously believe that (insert insult) on your head is? (After all, what are we to know? It's always covered with that bandanna)

Jack: It's my hair, I'll do what I want with it. No, I'd never consider a bloody wig either. They're for pansies like Norrington and Beckett.

Will: I'm shocked at the insults your getting. They're censored, but still.

Angel's Star: I don't appreciate them! But…here's one last comment: I think you are an adorable kind of character, but you need some serious washing up. I don't see why any girl would want to kiss your greasy cheek— or lips— for that matter. Besides, you should really get rid of that weird kind of movement of yours, you know, the strange "really-close-to-your-face" sort of behavior. It makes you (insert insult) at times, which of course I'm hoping you aren't (because despite, or in spite, of all you are, you are still more interesting watching than like five minutes of suffocating Will/Elizabeth smooching sickiness.)

Jack: (sounding protective of his habits and mannerisms) No. I'll act how I want to.

Angel's Star: Woot! You know, most of your fangirls won't like many of the above comments. Will, i.mpresario asks: I really think you are a kind of a (insert insult), but because you have been beaten up a bit lately I'll try being more lenient. First off, did you ever wonder what happened in COTBP when Liz and Jack were on the island? After all, this Jack/Liz togetherness has been sufficing quite steadily in the films. When did you first realize she loved Jack and not you? Come on man, don't listen to her and say you'd dump her for Tia Dalma.

Elizabeth: (shouts) I DON'T LOVE JACK!

Will: Yeah, she doesn't love Jack and, no, I won't dump her for Tia Dalma. She's Davy's woman!

Angel's Star: Exactly. Liz, i.mpresario asks: What's your favorite dessert you love pigging out on? 'Cause I'm sure you pig out when Will's not watching, or anyone for that matter.

Elizabeth: Well……I really love those Bon-Bon's Angel's Star always has at her house.

Angel's Star: So that's where they all go! My Mom won't be happy…Liz, another one from i.mpresario: After watching you in COTBP, DMC (where you kissed Jack at least once), and a couple clips from AWE (where I'm SURE I saw you kissing Norrington), and especially all those multiple scenes that featured you and Will Turner, it should be obvious to all that you really are a worthless (insert insult). Have you ever considered working in Tortuga, or Port Royal preferably? And try to be honest, please: we know you enjoyed each and every, um, scene.

Elizabeth: Hey, you gave me insult protection!

Angel's Star: Yes, because that was downright mean…if not true…

Elizabeth: Er, thanks. But, no, I would never do any of that kind of work. I'm married, you know!

Angel's Star: Good girl. Will, Evil Riggs asks: During your last movie outing, you seemed to switch sides both arbitrarily and without real purpose. As such, do you think God's true nature is one of love or hatred? (pause) That is without doubt the deepest question we've ever had.

Will: I believe God's true nature is of love. Even though bad things sometimes happen, I don't believe he's out there just to smite us.

Angel's Star: That's correct, Will. Jack, Whitest.Black.Wolf asks: Who's your favorite enemy? (Barbossa, Norrington, Davy Jones, Beckett, etc.)

Jack: Wow. Never had that one asked before. Well, even though he tries to take my ship, I'd say Barbossa because he's a pirate like me.

Angel's Star: Ok, then. Will, Whitest.Black.Wolf asks: Is Beckett really that short in person? Or is portrayed shorter than he is?

Will: No, no, he's really that short.

Pintel: Who knew such a big threat would come from such a short person?

Will: Oh, Angel, Whitest.Black.Wolf asks: Why are you seemingly obsessed with marrying Jack? He's Captain Jack Sparrow. It's not like him to be tied down like that.

Angel's Star: True enough, but a girl can always dream, right? It may not happen, but I like to think it might. (grins) Liz, Whitest.Black.Wolf asks: Why the heck have you been so cruel to poor James throughout the show? I mean... what has he ever done to deserve that, especially after you manipulated him? I feel so bad for Will, seeing as he has to put up with you...

Elizabeth: I've not been cruel to James! (again, everybody looks at her unbelievingly) Ok, maybe I have…a little…I guess he never really deserved it.

Angel's Star: You can say that again! Pintel, Ragetti, Whitest.Black.Wolf says: I don't have a question. I just wanted to let you know that you are great. Very funny.

Ragetti: Thanks!

Pintel: Aye, thanks.

Angel's Star: You two really are funny. Liz, Captain-Chartman says: Elizabeth is awesome, and I think it's hot that Jack calls her Lizzie in the second and third one. And I understand why Lizzie (I know you hate being called Liz) chained Jack to the mast. I think it was heroic the way he, you, kind of killed himself. But the kiss was sexy so I'm good with that. Take some advice and don't go back to a lady. I only started liking you in the second movie. Oh, and, why in the third one does your hair magically get short and then magically get long again? Sorry, love, but no one's hair grows that fast.

Elizabeth: The kiss was disgusting…You're right, though. I hate being called Liz, which is why Angel calls me that. Lizzie's just a bit better. And about my hair…um…it only looks longer?

Angel's Star: No comment. (cough)Liar(cough). Will, Captain-Chartman says: I don't like you. You're (insert insult) and are a eunuch no matter what you say.

Will:…..At least I got insult protection.

Angel's Star: Yes, because it wasn't funny. Jack, Captain-Chartman asks: Will you marry me? I don't care if you go out with other girls while we're together, just marry me!!

Jack: This one's even more desperate than Angel…Sorry, love, I'm going to have to decline.

Angel's Star: Don't feel rejected. I get the same answer. Jack, Daydreamer91 asks: What mark did you leave on Beckett? (just so you all know, I'm glad he died)

Jack: I didn't leave a physical mark on him. I greatly reduced his business when I turned pirate. I also sank quite a few of his ships for the fun of it.

Angel's Star: Poor Beckett…no, not really. Will, Daydreamer91 says: Just thought I'd let you know that I'm a huge fangirl of yours! My friend and I cried so hard when you were stabbed! (Don't worry, I'm a loyal fan, not crazy!) Oh, what's it like to know that you have a wonderful wife and a son to protect and love? P.S. I'm glad you and Elizabeth are together. You deserve each other.

Will: Thank you! It's great to have such a wonderful family. They pick me up when I'm sad and tell me to ignore the eunuch comments I get on this show.

Angel's Star: That's a good family right there. Liz, Daydreamer91 says: I think you are the BEST female character ever! I'm sorry you keep getting insulted, it's not we be friends? Oh, two more things: What's it like to kiss Will and can I kiss him? (Thought I'd ask permission, you being his wife and all, and I respect you a lot.)

Elizabeth: I'd love to be your friend! But, no, I don't think I'd let you kiss Will. It's really amazing, though.

Angel's Star: (whispers to viewers) Daydreamer91, since you're so nice to Liz, stick around after the show and I'll make sure you get a kiss from Will. (normal voice) Ok, Pintel, Ragetti, Daydreaer91 asks: How did you meet and become friends?

Ragetti: We met on Jack's crew.

Pintel: I thought he was annoying at first, but then I grew to like him.

Angel's Star: Aww! Everybody, Daydreamer91 gives us cookies for all, one bottle of rum for Jack, a shiny new sword for Will (to protect himself and Elizabeth, his one and only love), roses and a friendship bracelet for Elizabeth, a glass eye for Ragetti and some rum for Pintel.

Ragetti: A glass eye!

Angel's Star: You wished for one and now you have one! Ok, Pintel, Ragetti, mrspatrickdempsey asks: How did you come to know each other and how did you end up on Jack's crew in the first place? (pause) Just answer the second part of the question.

Pintel: Jack found us in Tortuga and hired us along with some other men.

Ragetti: I think it was shortly after he escaped Beckett.

Jack: Aye, and it was a mistake to hire you two…

Angel's Star: Be nice! They're cool. Will, mrspatrickdempsey-

Will: NOO!

Angel's Star: Chill out! It's not bad. She says: I'm feeling kind of nice this week.. maybe it's because I'm off school.. Anyway, choose one of the following places to have a vacation for two weeks with Elizabeth: (A) World's End (B) Shipwreck cove with ALL the Pirate Lords there even Jack (C) Tortuga

Will: At World's End. It's away from Jack and everybody.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: How did you escape from Beckett when he branded you? Surely he wanted to hang you then and there?

Jack: Aye, he did, but it was getting pretty dark so he locked me up for the night. I found a rough piece of metal in my cell and started cutting away the bars with it. That's how I escaped.

Angel's Star: Beckett didn't know what he was doing by wanting to hang you. Ragetti, Masked Accomplice asks: Are you carving another wooden eye? 'Cause in at the end of the third one, you were carving something...

Ragetti: Aye, I was carving one, but I don't need it now that I've got a glass eye!

Angel's Star: Yup! Jack, TATheSunTwin says: I found out more about the crazy man who wanted to blow the rum up. He was working with the Legion of Doom and they planning to destroy the rum again at Angel's Star house. Bring a lot of angry pirates and Davy too to kill them. (jumps into her bed as angry pirates, Davy, Bill Turner, Pintel, Ragetti, Jones' crew, Jack and the Kraken run out from the show to save the rum again) (pause) I have rum at my house?

Will: Yeah, from all of Jack's fans including you, remember?

Angel's Star: Oh yeah.…My house!! (jumps up)

Will: (pushes her back to her seat) Jack, Pintel, Ragetti, you three wait up too! I'll send that same person who stalled the man last time, ok? He did a good job last time.

Angel's Star: (antsy) Ok, but we need to end this soon. I need to get home! Liz, TATheSunTwin asks: You know that Pintel and Ragetti spied on you changing in the dress during a deleted scene in Pirates 1. (control yourself, Will!) Do you wish to see fairies? (summon fairies at the show)

Elizabeth: (looks at fairies) Well, I see them now, not that I ever thought about it before…But you two were spying on me while I changed?!

Angel's Star: You can take out your rage later, Liz. Will, TATheSunTwin asks: How do you feel about the yaoi pairings between you and Jack?(cracks up) Can you understand the Kraken of what it saying? Is the Kraken male or female?

Will: EW!! I will never be paired with Jack, people! (shudders) As for the Kraken, it never says anything and I have no way of telling what gender it is. I'm not sure that I'd want to know…

Angel's Star: Poor Kraken…So misunderstood…Jack, TATheSunTwin asks: How do you feel about the yaoi pairing between you, Will, Davy, James, Bootstrap, and Barbossa?(cracks up even more) Will you find a way to wield a keyblade like Sora in Kingdom Hearts 2?

Will: Not my father!

Jack: I agree! And no other men either! (looks disgusted) I doubt I'll ever use a keyblade like in the video game. A sword works fine for me.

Angel's Star: Good for you and Will. Pintel, Ragetti, TATheSunTwin asks: Are you two brothers or uncle and nephew? You two kick butt fighting the Navy and Jones crew!

Pintel: We're not related. We're just friends.

Ragetti: Thanks for thinking we're good fighters, though.

Will: Oh, Angel, TATheSunTwin says: Save your kitten from the Legion of Doom! Have you heard a game called NIGHTS Into Dreams and do you watch a show called Beast Wars? Do you play the Megaman games cause I'm a fan of X, Zero and ZX.

Angel's Star: I've never heard of the NIGHTS game, but I've heard of Beast Wars and Megaman. I'm not really into either of them, though…(sudden though hits her) DJ!! My kitties!! (jumps up and Will pushes her back down)

Will: The guy that I sent as a distraction will take care of them…besides…I don't think the Legion of Doom will be at your house long.

Angel's Star: Why?

Will: You're brother's there.

Angel's Star: Oh yeah…(calms down) Ok, Ragetti, PSManiac asks: Do you regret freeing Calypso? How did you lose you eye?

Ragetti: I sort of regret freeing her, but she needed to be free. I lost my eye during a sword fighting match…I won't go into the details.

Angel's Star: Ok, everybody, PSManiac asks: If you can have one wish (and you can't wish for more wishes) what would it be? (pause) Mine would be to marry Jack.

Jack: Aye, we all know that. I would wish for infinite rum!

Will: I'd wish for everybody to stop thinking Jack and Elizabeth love each other.

Elizabeth: I'd wish that Will never died.

Angel's Star: What's the point? He's alive now.

Elizabeth: It's my wish!

Pintel: Well, I'd wish for lots of gold.

Ragetti: I'd wish for a real eye.

Angel's Star: Ok. Jack, PSManiac asks: Don't you find it strange that there are copies of yourself that pop-up from time to time? If someone was voted pirate King, besides you or Liz, who would you want it to be? Also, since you vote for the Pirate King, shouldn't it be Pirate President?

Jack: Aye, it probably should be. But besides me? Hm…Maybe Will. He's noble and all that. As for the copies of myself, it doesn't happen anymore. Not quite sure why it happened that once, though.

Angel's Star: Yeah, well. Everybody, RubyVulpix asks: What do you think of Disney/Pixar new movie Ratatouille? Also, everyone, what is your favorite Disney/Pixar movie? I'm pretty sure Jack's favorite is Finding Nemo since it takes place in the sea and it has sea turtles in it!

Jack: That's it! Finding Nemo with its sea turtles!

Will: That was fast. I really liked Cars. Oh, I haven't seen Ratatouille.

Jack: Me either.

Elizabeth: I did and it was cute! It would be my favorite.

Angel's Star: Pintel, Ragetti, you two can skip this since you don't watch movies. I haven't seen Ratatouille yet, but my favorite film by them would be Cars too. Pintel, Ragetti, RubyVulpix asks: Who do you like the most, Jack or Barbossa? And Ragetti, do you like cooking?

Both Pintel and Ragetti: Jack.

Jack: Wow I'm their favorite…

Ragetti: I like cooking if someone else does the cooking.

Angel's Star: Oh, Ragetti, Edna gave you a present! (hold out the glass eye and looks at the note attached) Lets see, it has lasers, heat, X-ray and night vision! Wow.

Ragetti: Thank you! (takes it)

Angel's Star: Ok, you two, Almenel-Miriel asks: Hmm...did you find it strange to be saying 'We are rocking the boat' or did you realize it sounded like some modern slang?

Pintel: I didn't pay it any mind.

Ragetti: Me either.

Angel's Star: I thought it was funny. Anyway, Jack, Alemenel-Miriel says: YO! Just agree to meet me once! Whenever I hear AWE soundtrack, I am reminded of you and feel depressed. I don't know why! So meet me!

Jack: Um…ok? After the show then?

Angel's Star: There you go. Pintel, MrsCaptainJack85 asks: What were you thinking when Ragetti showed you the "lovely woman" standing above you in Sao Feng's bathhouse? I laugh every time I see your reaction.

Pintel: I was beginning to wonder if he had gotten into too much rum or something if that was his idea of a lovely woman.

Angel's Star: I thought it was funny too. Ragetti, MrsCaptainJack85 says: I thought it was really neat that Barbossa's piece of eight was your wooden eye. That was really clever. Now I know why you were always so intent on getting it back when it was gone. I kept yelling at the screen when you were scrambling after it, "Just get a new one!"

Ragetti: Aye, Barbossa's resourceful…..maybe a little too resourceful for my liking.

Angel's Star: It does explain a lot. Liz, MrsCaptainJack85 asks: I pretty much love your black dress you're wearing on the island. Very pretty! This comment refers back to Dead Man's Chest...if the compass was pointing at Jack, but you didn't love him, then what was the reason I wonder? Love you, girl.

Elizabeth: Thank you! Jack still had the letters, remember? I wanted them back so I could save Will.

Angel's Star: So you used him. I'll refrain from giving a comment about that. Will, MrsCaptainJack85 asks: I'm still a bit confused why Lizzie switched you and Jack...was it to give Jack a chance to stab the heart? I must confess, though, you look pretty amazing in the third movie! (I love you in burgundy.) Oh, I also LOVE your facial expression when Davy Jones knocks your cup o' tea out of your hand! Haha! So funny!

Will: (laughs) Thanks. I'm not really sure why she switched us either unless it was to try to get some good back in me.

Angel's Star: You were acting pretty evil… Jack, MrsCaptainJack85 says: In the very end of the movie, when the compass points to the rum...and then points out to sea...I KNOW where it's pointing...to ME. Amazing job in the movie, love! I absolutely love your longer and more dready look. I've noticed that your bandana has faded a bit, love...it's pink! (Sigh) What else can I say? You're almost "poetry in motion" but what will secure that is if you knew me. Haha! Taking into consideration I LOVE your voice...how about we discuss a few things after the show...eh, darlin'? What say you? (And don't be scared of Angel's opinion...you've never let anyone else tell you what and what not to do before.)

Jack: Scared? Of Angel? (laughs)

Angel's Star: That hurt…

Jack: Maybe we can after I meet Almenel-Miriel, alright?

Will: Well, Angel, I hate to kick you while you're down, but MrsCaptainJack85 says: Love your show, dearie! Just a few words of advice...don't fawn over Jack too much...he likes a challenge. He'll use you and lose you...because you were easy. Make him feel that HE'S lucky to know you! (Because he IS lucky to know you.) Haha...anyway...great show and great writing! Keep up the amazing creativity! Till next time, dearie.

Angel's Star:….That semi-hurt. But I'll take that advice to heart. Or at least try to. Well, Jack, AbbieNormal182 asks: If I whined about being "ready to be married" like Elizabeth in Pirates 2, would you propose to me too?

Jack: (shrugs) Who knows? Maybe? I think I had too much rum when I talked to Liz then.

Elizabeth: I could smell it too…

Angel's Star: Ok then, Pintel, Anne Herbold asks: Have you ever considered going on a diet? Will you ever get a haircut? Sorry, but you really need to improve your image. What's you're opinion on mayonnaise?

Pintel: (looks at himself) Why should I change? I'm pirate-like! But I really like mayonnaise. I eat it on almost any sandwich.

Angel's Star: I like it too. Ragetti, Anne Herbold asks: Will you ever get a glass eye, like you mentioned before in the first movie? How do you feel about wearing dresses? Do you prefer shiny metallic and sleek dresses or floofy lacy ones?

Ragetti: Aye, I've got two so far! I wouldn't have even worn that dress if I wasn't forced to. I didn't like to wear it.

Will: Hey, Angel, Anne Herbold asks: Will you ever bring back Davy? I would love to have him come back to answer my one question for him I submitted earlier. Oh, and don't worry about you're kitty DJ, he'll be fine. As long as he never becomes Captain of the Dutchman or sets foot (or paw) on the sea, he'll be perfectly healthy. And besides, kitties hate water, so you're pretty much insured that little DJ will be safe.

Angel's Star: Thank you! Yeah, DJ isn't fond of water…But I might bring Davy back…I've been considering it. Ok, Jack, lilmissCHRISTian says: Hello, Jack, I'm ba-ack. And yes, I am out to get you...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...(clears throat) sorry, I had a moment there...hm (comes up in a disguise and threatens Jack...with a SPOON!) And, Jack, I have a comment (insert insult) (insert threat) (insert insult)(insert insult) (insert insult)(insert TWO insults)(insert worst threat and insult imaginable) ha-ha-ha!

Jack: (shifty eyes) Oookaaayyy? A spoon?

Angel's Star: Yeah, well. Liz, Will, Isabella Cherone asks: Don't you know...that when you got married...millions of Sparrabeth shippers across the world were extremely upset, sobbing, even? Don't you CARE ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS?!??!?!??!?!!?!?!??!!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! (pause) I think she may be talking from personal experience, am I right?

Elizabeth: Uh, no, I really don't care. You guys need to adapt anyway.

Will: Sorry you were upset, but no, I don't regret marrying Elizabeth.

Angel's Star: I'm not sad! Not one bit! It made me happy. Ok, everybody, Isabella Cherone asks: What's your favorite thing to eat? And Jack can't say rum. Because he drinks that. And he can't say frozen rum, either! (pause) Mine's cheese pizza!

Jack: I can't say rum? Fine…I like steak.

Will: I really like fried chicken.

Elizabeth: I like vegetables. Very low calorie.

Pintel: Who cares about calories? I love ham.

Ragetti: I like cooked fish. Almost any fish is fine.

Angel's Star: Ok, well, guys, we've reached the end of the show. Tune in next time to ask Will, Jack, and Liz lots of questions! Plus, since he's been in high demand, Cutler Beckett will be here too!

Jack: What?! Are you crazy?!

Angel's Star: (ignoring him) So be sure to ask lots of questions for our favorite pirates, Beckett, and me if you want! Bye!

(screen fades to black as Jack continues shouting)

-------

A/N: So it was a long chapter, but I got all the questions in there. Sorry for not updating sooner, but my birthday was last week and I was all busy with that and my party. But I'm here now! So please review!


	14. Episode 14

A/N: You guys, I'm sooo sorry! I just noticed I forgot to put some of your questions in the chapter! I feel so bad about it. Forgive me? Maybe?

Disclaimer: Pirates do not belong to me.

Chapter 14

(Most of the audience cheers as Angel's Star hesitantly walks out onto the stage. The other part of the audience that's not cheering has tomatoes, pitch forks, and torches.)

Angel's Star: Um…(intimidated by the violent part of the group) Uh…I have an apology to make, but…I need the pirates for support!

(Jack, Will, and Elizabeth walk out onto the stage and gather around Angel's Star for support)

Angel's Star: Ok. I've done a very bad thing…(sees some people about to throw tomatoes) BY ACCIDENT! (they put their tomatoes down) I _accidentally_ forgot to put some of your questions in last chapter. You see, I have this list with your questions on them. Red are the ones that need answering and green are the ones I've answered. Since I try to answer the new people's questions first, I sometimes get the red and green mixed up and that's what happened. It has nothing to do with you guys! Does everybody forgive me?

Jack: They should after you spent days worrying about it.

(The audience members with the weapons and food look at one another and put away their pitch forks, torches, and tomatoes)

Angel's Star: Yay! I'm forgiven now! (smiles as the pirates take their seats) And I will answer the questions I missed, ok? Now, please welcome Beckett!

(The audience starts to cheer as Beckett is shoved out onto the stage. He brushes his coat off and walks over to his seat and sits. Jack watches him warily the whole time)

Angel's Star: Hey there, Beckett! How are you?

Beckett: If you must know-

Angel's Star: Don't answer that. I'm assuming you know how the show works. You get asked a question by the viewers and you answer it truthfully?

Beckett: Yes, I know how it works. But what about Mrs. Turner? She never tells the truth on here.

Angel's Star: Yes, I know. That's why I finally got around to getting a lie detector! Guys, please bring it out here! (a couple men carry out a large, dark metal…thing)

Elizabeth: Wait! I never agreed to this!

Angel's Star: Remember what I said in the first episode about hypnosis?

Elizabeth: Yes, that it works well in your sleep, but- You didn't!

Angel's Star: Yeah, I did. Thanks, guys. (the men finish attaching the wires to Elizabeth and go backstage again) So. How is everybody doing?

Jack: Great! You all will be happy to know that lilmissCHRISTian was only threatening me so I'd get her a date with Will.

Will and Elizabeth: What?!?!

Angel's Star: Really?

Jack: Yeah, I kind'a had to. She seemed desperate. Oh, Liz, she also wanted me to do this. (he gets up and grabs her hair. She tries to get away, but the lie detector's wires keep her in place. lilmissCHRISTian runs out and attacks her then runs back outside before the security guards can catch her)

Angel's Star: (whining voice) You guys! I wanted to do that!

(Beckett looks disturbed by their behavior)

Angel's Star: Well, we might as well get on with the show then. Jack, foolon the hill asks: What's your favorite color? Do you play guitar like your dad?

Beckett: May I ask _why_ you're continuing the show after one of the cast got beat up?

Angel's Star: It's because I don't like her. Go ahead, Jack.

Jack: Well, my favorite color is red. I can play the guitar some, but I don't care for it like my dad does.

Angel's Star: I like the guitar. Ok, Roger D. says: (happy birthday!) First, I'd like to start by saying hello to everyone on the show, and to tell Elizabeth how gorgeous I think she is (especially in the third one, when she's all tanned and toughened up), but to also say that I'm well aware that she is Will's wife, and off limits. You're still a gorgeous person, Lizzie!

Elizabeth: (blushes) Thank you!

Angel's Star: Uh-huh. Right. Jack, Roger D. asks: When Liz was chaining you to the post in DMC, what was going through your mind? I tried wearing eyeliner, and it just made the girls laugh at me. Why do they think its sexy on you, and can you share some pointers for scoring the ladies?

Jack: I was wondering why on earth she was kissing me since she was Will's girl. I was also wondering how I was going to escape, or if it would be the end of my life. But as for the kohl, you're not a pirate, are you?

Angel's Star: (shrugs) He doesn't say.

Jack: I can't say why women think it looks sexy on me other than that I'm a pirate. Not sure if that even is the reason. But women like it when you're just yourself. Don't try going over the top just be normal and friendly and women are bound to like you.

Will: And all that normal and friendly stuff comes from you?

Jack: No. Angel's Star watches too much TV.

Angel's Star: I can't help it if you come in while I'm in the middle of a show! Anyway, Will. Roger D. asks: Most of my friends (I hang out with far too many women...) either hate you or worship you fanatically. How does this make you feel? Everyone keeps telling me that Elizabeth's faithfulness during your ten-year absence broke the whole "Davy Jones" curse (lack of better word, sorry.) Is it true? Do you get annoyed when people ask Liz hypothetical questions about your marriage?

Will: See? You have women who are your friends! You must be doing something right. But whatever your friends feel towards me is just that. I can't change it, though I do appreciate it when women choose me over Jack.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Will: And yes, since Elizabeth was faithful, the curse was broken. It does bother me when people ask those questions to Elizabeth.

Angel's Star: Poor Will. And Liz. Not. Liz, Roger D. asks: If you weren't married to Will, would you go out with my friend? If you hadn't ended up marrying Will, who do you think you would have ended up with? Did you ever once want to correct the Pirate Lords and make them call you Queen, or were you cool with King?

Elizabeth: If I weren't married to Will……I honestly don't know. I don't know you or your friend, but I suppose if I weren't with Will at all I might consider it. I don't believe I would have married anybody if I couldn't have married Will. And, yes, I sometimes wanted to correct the Pirate Lords, but I figured it was a great honor to be Pirate King, so I left it at that.

Jack: Let me back up here a second. If you hadn't married Will, you would have grown old and bitter with about fifty billion cats?

Angel's Star: That's a lot of cats.

Elizabeth: You know what I mean!

Angel's Star: But fifty billion, Jack? You stole my number! Beckett, Roger D. asks: That scene at the end of AWE, where you were walking down the steps of your ship amid the flying shrapnel, was one of the coolest scenes in the movie. How did it feel performing that scene, knowing you were about to die? And when you landed in the water, where the heck was your head? Halfway through AWE, Will showed up with that compass yet again. Were you excited, or were your thoughts more along the lines of "I hate that darn compass?" What did you have against Will and Liz? You just seemed to hate them the entire time.

Beckett: That's a lot of questions.

Jack: Have fun with that!

Beckett: (ignoring him) I have no idea where my head was. I was dead. As for the compass, I was beginning to get sick of it and think it was a waist of time. I don't have anything personal against Mr. and Mrs. Turner-

Angel's Star: So proper!

Beckett: (ignoring her) It's just that they were not on my side and they had to be taken care of.

Will: (eyeing Beckett) Um…oookaaay…Angel, Roger D. asks: Have you ever considered therapy to get over your obsession with...well, everything? You're a little bit scary sometimes...Would you all be willing to come to my house and listen to me play my guitar? I need some new feedback (and Jack, you can bring your dad!). (Speaking of Captain Teague, is he ever gonna be on the show?)

Angel's Star: I'm scary? Really? Nobody's ever told me that one. No, I've never considered therapy for my "obsession."

Jack: To be honest, if she stopped obsessing over me, I'd worry.

Angel's Star: Yeah, see? And, yes, we'd all love to come listen to you play your guitar!

Beckett: Speak for yourself…

Angel's Star: And Beckett will come too. Anyway, guys, Roger D. says: Okay, I should probably leave some room for other people to ask questions. I just want to end by saying how much I look up to all of you (except maybe Beckett-does he have insult protection? Cause he's a (insert insult here)) You rock. Just do me a favor, and don't make another movie. I had a bit of trouble with AWE... (pause) Haha, Beckett, you got insulted…

Beckett: I can see that.

Angel's Star:…Don't start with me. Beckett, PoisonessAngel asks: Do you secretly have a crush on Jack? You're always so flirty with him. And do not deny it!

Beckett: What?! I do NOT have a crush on Sparrow!

Angel's Star: I would hope not. Will, PoisonessAngel asks: You do realize that your son is going to be emotionally damaged being fatherless for ten years, right? And what was with not even saying thank you to Jack for sacrificing his immortality and saving your life? Say thank you or I'll say something bad about your kid!

Will: Um…Thank you, Jack?

Jack: That didn't sound very sincere.

Angel's Star: No, it didn't. Liz, PoisonessAngel says: I don't really like you enough to even abbreviate your name. So do NOT think that calling you Elizabeth is an act of kindness. Do you know what food is? I mean, it was like I had to use a telescope to find you every time you turned sideways. And you want to be SKINNIER! Lord, help us. (pause) Seriously, Liz!

Elizabeth: Well I can't help that's what I want! And yes, I know what food is!

(lie detector starts beeping)

Jack: (laughs) Lizzie doesn't know what food is!

Angel's Star: You poor child. I'll get something down that throat even if I have to use a tube!

Will: Um…ok. Angel, PoisonessAngel says: Don't think I'll ask everybody else questions and not you! I know you love it! First off, could you give Jack the magical bottle of rum I bought him and sent to you? It's magical because it never empties! He'll love that. I don't really know what to ask you, so I'll just ask you what you like about Jack the most. You're so cute, by the way! Oh, and happy late birthday.

Angel's Star: Yeah, I do like it. (grins) Here you go, Jack! (hands him the magical bottle of rum) Lets see…what I like most about Jack…(looks at him as she thinks) Hmm…I love that little smirk he gets when he thinks he's about to win something or knows something you don't. I also love his voice, so those two are probably my favorite things about him.

Jack: (drinking his rum) I feel…loved?

Angel's Star: You should. Anyway, Jack, PoisonessAngel asks: I so totally saved the best for last! Even though I love you, I'm not a crazed fangirl that will make you uncomfortable. Could you describe your perfect woman? And do not say you love all woman or any other crap like that. And you must describe EVERYTHING! Hair color, body, voice...chest size. Go ahead, come on! Did you get that magical rum I sent you? And can you please say to the camera, "I want to know what you taste like" to me? Just to make me smile. And say it in that sexy, low, growly voice that I adore. I love you so much. I'll send you more stuff. What do you want?

Jack: Perfect woman? Hm…Hair color doesn't necessarily matter, but I do like brunettes with green eyes. She has to be shorter than me and somewhat curvy, but not overly so.

Angel's Star: So far I think I'm winning…

Jack: I'm still talking! Her voice…hmm…It can't be too deep or too high. Just somewhere in the middle. She has to be outgoing, like rum and ships and piracy in general, and know how to stand up for herself.

Will: Now what about what she wanted you to say? (evil grin)

Jack: Oh, uh…(looks around somewhat uncomfortably and clears his throat) I want to know what you taste like.

Angel's Star: I feel unloved now…just so you know.

Elizabeth: You really shouldn't. We stay at your house. Jack included.

Angel's Star: True. Will, Lil' Pirate Lass asks: Can't you just stand in a bucket like Davy Jones on land and then be able to see Elizabeth? By the way-you looked so hot when you turned around on the Dutchman!-Swoons- anyways, I think you're so much better than Jack...no offense, Jack. Love ya!

Will: Thanks! No, I couldn't just stand in a bucket like Davy. I had my duty to do by ferrying souls to World's End. Davy neglected it and turned into that monster.

Angel's Star: Poor Davy. Really. Liz, Lil' Pirate Lass asks: For goodness sakes, were you retarded when you were like, 'I don't think now's the best time!!' when Will asked you to marry him? I mean COME ON! It's freakin' WILL TUNER! Do you not know how many girls would like to be in your place?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Elizabeth: I am NOT retarded!

(Lie detector starts beeping)

Elizabeth: Why is it beeping now?!

Angel's Star: Sorry. My opinion states otherwise.

Elizabeth: It's set to your opinion? (Angel's Star nods) I can't believe this!

Angel's Star: Ok then! Beckett! TavyBeckettFan asks: Why are you so small, yet remain so good-looking? Did you have any lustful thoughts of Elizabeth in DMC, when she came to get those letters? I've heard you died in AWE. WHY?!

Beckett: You think I'm good looking? (blinks several times) Thank you.

Jack: Is that sunburn on your face, Beckett, or are you blushing?

Beckett: Shut up, Sparrow! No, I did not have any lustful thoughts for Mrs. Turner. She was holding a gun to my head. My thoughts were elsewhere. Yes, I died in AWE…That sounded weird. But it was because Sparrow and Turner's ships attacked mine at the same time.

Angel's Star: Here's even more, Beckett, from TavyBeckettFan: What did you mean when you asked Elizabeth to 'enhance her offer'? Will you marry me? I LOVE YOU! Would you like to be deserted on an island with only rum to drink, and your only friend being a coconut?

Beckett:…Alright, maybe I was having a lustful thought towards her then…

Elizabeth: Ew.

(Lie detector starts beeping)

Elizabeth: WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!

Beckett: Um…Ok…I might marry you? We would have to meet first…And, no, I don't want to be deserted with only rum to drink and my only friend being a coconut.

Angel's Star: I think that was in a movie once, if I remember correctly. It was a pretty good movie too. Will, Willizabeth4Everx3 asks: How do you feel about all the Sparrabethers claiming that your child is really Jack's? (Even though we all know that Jack isn't a father to anyone's child)

Will: I really aggravates me! We all know the child is mine. Besides, Jack and Elizabeth never did anything.

Elizabeth: Exactly!

Angel's Star: Liz, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: (gives silver ball gown) I think silver would really suit you and that you should wear your hair in a plait more often. It looks nicer than in the first movie (when you didn't have it down, I mean) and I think your son is so sweet, When's his birthday so I can send him a card and pressie? Oh yeah, what pressies does he like?

Elizabeth: His birthday is November 8th. Right now, he's really into Transformers because _somebody_ (glares at Angel's Star) took him to see it when I specifically said he couldn't.

Angel's Star: (shrugs) Hey, the kid needed to get out of the house. Will, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx says: I think it's nice you're reunited with your dad and giving him another chance. Not many sons would so. I think that shows how great you are. If you own the Kraken, what's its use? As a pet?

Will: Um, sort of…Davy still takes care of it most of the time, but I don't let him order it to go after people. It pretty much swims around, getting fat off the sandwiches Angel feeds it.

Angel's Star: The Kraken likes me. (grins) Jack, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: If you ever die who would you leave the Pearl too or would you like a son/daughter to inherit it or would you leave it to the crew. (gives Jack big bottle of rum with pic of pearl stuck on) How would you react on finding the powers of the Fountain in a bottle of rum? Oh and why is your mother a shrunken head? If you can't answer that I'll wait to ask your father.

Jack: If I died, I would leave the Pearl to Mr. Gibbs. He's been loyal all these years. Is this bottle of rum you gave me the one with the powers of the Fountain? (looks it over) As for my mother…All I can come up with is that my father wasn't ready to let her go.

Beckett: That's disturbing.

Jack: That's my father for you.

Will: Angel, XXRebeccaXXDalekXXSparksxx asks: How's DJ? And how are you? Great show, keep going! After Beckett can we have Teague please?

Angel's Star: Thanks! We're both doing great. DJ's a big brother now. Sure we'll have Teague on here! Ok, Liz, theLOSTCSIfreak asks: How good of a kisser is Norrington (comparison to Will or Jack or Sao Feng [shudder will not be a satisfying answer; comment on James and James ONLY!)

Elizabeth: Um…He was a good kisser. (looks nervously at Will)

Angel's Star: Before you get angry, Will, theLOSTCSIfreak says: Don't worry. James kissed Liz, she didn't initiate it, she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Jack once commented that you had a "lovely soprano" voice (don't worry, I don't think you're a eunuch). Just how good ARE you at singing?

Will: Um, I believe I have an ok singing voice. I also know there are people who can sing better than me.

Angel's Star: He really can sing good. I've heard him when he thought nobody was listening.

Will: The same goes for you!

Jack: So you're both eavesdroppers.

Angel's Star: Pretty much. Jack, theLOSTCSIfreak asks: Going off of the you-laying-an-egg thing...which came first? The sparrow or the egg (and I don't mean a you-sparrow, I mean a bird sparrow. The one finds in pecks and gardens and the like.)?

Jack: The sparrow came first. It had to lay the egg, after all.

Will: Oh, Angel, Captain-Rogue-River says: I'm really sick right now with a freakin' sunburn. But that won't stop me from reading your way AWESOME story.

Angel's Star: Aw, thanks! I hope you get to feeling better! Everybody, Captain-Rogue-River asks: I'm sure that since you're in the hot sun all day you must have gotten some really bad sunburns in your life, how do you treat them?

Jack: Since I'm always out at sea, I just have to tough it out and go on with my duties.

Will: Elizabeth rubs some kind of salve on it and that helps soothe the pain.

Beckett: I've never had a very bad sunburn. I'm usually in my quarters when I'm on a ship.

Elizabeth: Yeah, I haven't been sunburned really badly either.

Angel's Star: Ok, Will, Captain-Rogue River asks: Since you said in an earlier show that I could be your bodyguard can I come meet you?

Will: Of course! I have to meet my bodyguard.

Angel's Star: That was fast. Jack, Captain-Rogue-River asks: My mom, Ruth, wants to meet you. Is that alright?

Jack: Sure. That's fine.

Angel's Star: Ok then! Beckett, lilmissCHRISTian says: Hey! I hated it when you died! I felt so sorry for you! But oh well, you deserved it...sorry. So, since your on this show are you not dead? I'm confused... Hey, wait 'til Will has to ferry your soul to the other side! I'd love to see that! Anyway, I'd loved the scene where you, Will, and Davy Jones (in a bucket) were up against Elizabeth, Barbossa, and Jack! Another question, did you ever consider taking off your wig like Norrington did, because white hair really doesn't look good on you...

Beckett: I'm still dead, I'm pretty sure. No, I won't take off my wig! It's a sign of power.

Jack: Is that what it's for?

Angel's Star: Oh, let him think what he wants.

Will: Angel, here's a comment from lilmissCHRISTian: Hey, Angel's Star! Thanks once again for helping me get that date with Will... Oh, and thank you for letting me tackle Elizabeth and get Jack to pull her hair! That was fun! Oh, and by the way, Jack, thanks! I...may...stop threatening you. I dunno, it's just so fun! (pause) You HELPED her?!

Angel's Star: Unknowingly, yes.

Will: How is that even possible?

Angel's Star:…I'm…not…sure…Anyway! Jack, ChefColette, who was RubyVulpix, asks: What would you do if Stitch(That blue Koala/dog like alien from the Disney movie "Lilo and Stitch") was on your ship?

Jack:…I'd shoot it. Or throw it overboard.

Angel's Star: That's kind of mean, even though he causes chaos. Beckett, ChefColette says: I don't like you! You are ruthless and you killed innocent people! What do you have against pirates? Did you know that one of your descendent (A villain in an Incredibles fic that I wrote on paper)is a super villain that hates supers as much as you hate pirates and wants to destroy them all? What do you think about that?

Beckett: They're PIRATES! They steal and ruin my trading company. I'm somewhat flattered that you would write a story about a descendent of mine, even though you hate me.

Angel's Star: He said flattered…(snickers)

Beckett: What? What's wrong with flattered?

Angel's Star: (stops snickering) Nothing. Jack, Will, and Liz, ChefColette asks: You told me what your favorite Disney/Pixar movies were. Now what is your favorite character from that movie? The one you identified the most with? Did you see The Simpson's movie? If so, what did you think about it?

Jack: Well, I liked the turtle, but I don't know what his name is…I couldn't identify with him at all, but he was funny. I haven't seen The Simpson's movie yet.

Elizabeth: I don't really want to see The Simpson's movie. It just looks…strange. But anyway, I liked Remy in Ratatouille. I could identify with him because nobody understands me and they hate me like people hate rats.

(everybody's silent)

Angel's Star: Ok, we'll go with that! I loved Mater in Cars. He was flippin' hilarious! Not like I could identify with him, or anything, but still! And, no, I haven't seen The Simpson's movie, but I want to!

Will: I liked those two Italian cars. They were just really funny. No, I haven't seen The Simpson's movie.

Angel's Star: Guys, Remy from Ratatouille made us some crepes, which are basically pancakes. Bring 'em out, guys!

(people from backstage bring out the crepes. Everybody says their thanks)

Angel's Star: Ok, Will, Jack, AbbieNormal182 asks: What in the world IS IT about Elizabeth that you are all so obsessed with? She's pretty, sure, but what is with the OBSESSION? She's not very nice, and everyone knows that she loves Will the most... I don't get it!

Will: Well, I love her, so…

Jack: She burned my rum! I'm NOT obsessed with Lizzie. I honestly never saw what was so great about her.

Angel's Star: Me neither! Beckett, Almenel-Miriel asks: Did you know you would be hot if it weren't for the fact you were short? In a weird way. I still don't get your dying part though...hm.. (pause) And we all get chocolate for letting her see Jack!

Beckett: Um, I do now. I never thought about it one way or another, though.

Angel's Star: Well, here's another one for you, Beckett. It's from WillxElizabeth: What do you like to be called? Because my friend Karen LOVES you and she calls you Becky-Boo.

Jack: Beckett has more than one fangirl?

Beckett: Yes, Sparrow, I do. Most of them are just in hiding…I would prefer not to be called Becky-Boo, though. Just Beckett will do.

Angel's Star: That's not very friendly sounding. Tell your friend Karen he loves being called Becky-Boo. Mr. Becky-Boo, you've got a comment and question from mrspatrickdempsey: If you weren't so evil, I would think you were hot because I think you are, but the evilness just takes over... Anyways your death was pretty cool, but my friend thought it was lame... then again she thought the whole movie was lame so I guess her opinions don't really count. Ok question. Why are you so short and why do you hate Pirates so much? If you could chose ANY woman to be with who would you chose? (pause) You've already answered the one about hating pirates, so you don't have to answer it again.

Beckett: I can't help it if I'm this short! I was born this way! (Jack shudders at the thought) I don't really have any woman in mind to be with, but I guess I would choose that fan who asked me to marry her. What was her name again?

Angel's Star: TavyBeckettFan.

Beckett: Yeah, that one. She likes me.

Angel's Star: Will- (sees Will is leaving) Will! Get back here! (goes and gets him and brings him back) Will, mrspatrickdempsey asks: I'm sorry Will, no more nice mrspatrickdempsey because I fell off my diving board yesterday (OUCH) and I'm all scratched up and it's KILLING me to sit here and type this but oh well, I think it's worth the pain. Haha. Ok, choose one of the following slash parings you would rather be in. (A) You and Jack (B) You and Norrington (C) You and Beckett (D) You and Barossa (pause) Ewww! Sorry you fell off the diving board, by the way.

Will: Ew is right…(sighs) I'll just pick me and-

Jack: You better not say me. (holding his sword out)

Will: Norrington, then.

Angel's Star: I'm sorry. That was a truly nasty question. Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: I hope your ok from having Beckett on the show! What would be the one thing you want to do to him right now?

Jack: Only one thing? (sighs and begins thinking. He pulls out a quarter and flips it and then puts it away) I'd throw him in the ocean because I KNOW he can't swim.

Beckett: How'd you find that out?!

Jack: I have my ways…

Will: Um, ok. Angel, mrspatrickdempsey says: I want to once again say that you are doing a great job and I love this story! I hope DJ made it out ok from the rum attacker person.

Angel's Star: Thank you! Yeah, DJ's fine, by the way.

Will: Oh, here's another comment for you from cazonetta, who was once i.mpressario: I know people have said your show just rocks but I have to repeat that myself, if you don't mind. Also, why do Will and Liz have to have insult protection? Ain't fair, I say. Oh yeah, I just finished baking my Ultimate Suicidal Chocolate cake, so you all get a hefty slice (a piece of German Chocolate Rum cake for Jack, because that's perhaps only what he'd eat).

Angel's Star: Thank you! I love chocolate cake! Will has insult protection unless the insult is funny and Liz doesn't really have insult protection at all. Ok, everybody, cazonetta asks: How does it feel living in the 21st century, and— if you're here— how does it feel living in the US?

Jack: Well, it was something to get used to, I'll say that.

Elizabeth: It's really nice. The US isn't nearly as hot as the Caribbean during the hot summer days. I love all the modern conveniences.

Will: Me too. The cars were the things that took the longest for me to get used to, though.

Beckett: The US is fine and the 21st century is…interesting, to say the least. Especially with certain people living in this time…(looks at Angel's Star)

Angel's Star: Hey, they're lucky I was born when I was. Otherwise, we wouldn't have this show!

Beckett: My point exactly.

Angel's Star: (ignoring him) Will, cazonetta says: Sorry for the cutting words, I had to let it out then. I think you and Liz are for each other. In response to whatever you might've possibly said about that... I only said that because you're the only two characters who HAVE to be together (you know, you guys are the perfect other-hero and heroine of the movie, totally clichéd, but oh well).

Will: That's ok. Thanks, I guess.

Angel's Star: Liz, cazonetta asks: Ever thought to wonder that the dresses you wore in CoTBP weren't historically accurate? I'm an obsessive costuming fanatic and I couldn't bear to look at those phony things. Your costume in AWE looked pretty cool, though.

Elizabeth: Well, thank you, but I never paid the dresses much mind. I liked them and that was it.

Angel's Star: You liked the fact that you almost fell out of them? (shudders) Jack, cazonetta says: Nothing much to say other than that you ARE an awesome character, despite that fact that you're not my top favorite. Another bottle of rum for you to add to your collection.

Jack: She's actually giving me something after last episode when she criticized me? Are you feeling alright?

Angel's Star: Excuse Jack's response. Beckett, cazonetta says: Now I have to say your character totally bypasses anyone else's 'cause I think it's so complex, but I hope I can say I'm respectful enough not to act as any other crazed fangirl would around Jack. What were your thoughts (and not just political thoughts) when first encountering the heart and Davy Jones, and did you get an opportunity to see the Kraken? A compass identical to Jack's (if that's possible) for you if you'd want it.

Beckett: Well, I was thinking I could easily rule the seas with that heart. There would be no more pirates to interfere with my trading company or cause chaos. But when I first saw it I could hardly believe the legend of Davy Jones was true. It was a bit much. Yes, I saw the Kraken and that's why I ordered Jones to kill it. It was just a useless beast.

Jack: For once we agree about something.

Angel's Star: How can you SAY that, Beckett?! The Kraken's a very sweet creature once you get past the slimy greeting you get when it sees you! It's just misunderstood.

Elizabeth: And what are its favorite sandwiches?

Angel's Star: Peanut butter.

Will: Um, alright. Feed my pet for me, then. Angel, TATheSunTwin says: If you never heard of NIGHTS into dreams go to youtube. If you really not into Megaman, I understand and can I have a hug? I think Frenzy (little transformer) is trying to hug you. (saw Frenzy behind Angel's Star)

Angel's Star: Of course you can have a hug! (runs up into the audience and hugs TATheSunTwin) There you go! (walks back out onto the stage and hugs Frenzy too and sets him on her lap) Cute little Transformer! Ok, then, Jack, TATheSunTwin asks: How come you and your dad never get along?

Jack: We just don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. Plus he doesn't think I make a good pirate.

Angel's Star: You're the best pirate! Liz, TATheSunTwin says: If you saw a giant, orange planet with horns heading to you, run for your life.

Elizabeth: I will, thank you. I'd run if any huge thing came running towards me.

Angel's Star: I would too. Will, TATheSunTwin asks: Which is your favorite funny scene in the Transformers movie?

Will: I love the part where the truck transforms and Shia's like "It's probably Japanese." Sorry, I can't remember their names.

Angel's Star: That's ok. Beckett, TATheSunTwin says: Beware of Unicorn, the orange planet size with horns transformer. You are a cruel man for killing people and the children!

Beckett: Um, I will. I know it was a cruel thing, but it had to be done. Those people assisted pirates.

Angel's Star: Pirate hater…Everybody, PSManiac asks: What is your favorite video game? If you were a Potato Chip, what flavor would you be (and REAL flavors Jack, not rum flavor)?

Jack: Not rum flavor? That stinks…What do you people have against rum flavored food?

Will: With all the rum he drinks he probably would be rum flavored…

Elizabeth: I think I would be the original flavor. At least I'd like to be. And I don't really play video games.

Angel's Star: Liz doesn't know what fun is either.

Will: I think I might be barbeque flavor because it's my favorite. And my favorite video game would be Kingdom Hearts.

Beckett: I don't know any other chip flavors other than the original because that's all Angel's Star has at her house, so I suppose that's what I would be as well. And I don't know any video games.

Jack: I don't know what flavor chip I would be!

Will: Maybe salt and vinegar? It's a very unique flavor…

Jack: Alright, that's what it'll be. As for video games, my favorite would be the Pirates video game. The one that's about me.

Angel's Star: Yeah, it would be. Will, Beckett, PSManiac asks: What does dying feel like?

Will: Well, I suffered a bit before I died, so mine was somewhat painful, but then relieving when I finally did die.

Beckett: I was just walking down the stairs of my ship and then everything went black. I didn't feel anything.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Liz, PSManiac asks: What does it feel like to be the only one of the four who didn't die at one point? (pause) And they want to ask questions to the jar of dirt.

Jack: Why? It can't talk.

Elizabeth: Excuse me! I'm trying to answer. It feels a bit awkward, but not so awkward that I'd want to die.

Angel's Star: Shoot…Beckett, DxS Phreak says: I'm a fangirl of yours as well. Anyways, how could you possibly walk down to the lower deck on your ship as the upper deck was blowing up behind you? I would've been thrown off the side, or decapitated or something! Also, would marry me?

Beckett: Another marriage proposal? Wow, um…

Jack: Welcome to my world!

Beckett: I'm not sure how I stayed on the deck. I was in a daze that I actually lost the battle to pirates.

Angel's Star: Pirates rule! Woo! Jack, DxS Phreak says: Don't worry, Jackie-Poo, I'll kill that (insert insult) i.mpresario for you. (takes out shotgun and clicks it) But this time, I'll do it the Missouri way. (runs off and several shots are fired; returns) All better now. Okay, how the heck did you automatically travel from gut of the Kraken to the Locker? There must've been some magic involved there, unless the Kraken just sort of...threw you up on the shore. Would you marry me in a Mormon-like wedding? I'll also be marrying Beckett. Oh, just a little reminder...Captain Morgan will be catering. As in, DRINKS ALL AROUND! (pause) Wow. We've never had a viewer attack another viewer before.

Jack: Yeah, and I'm a bit scared to refuse the proposal as long as she's still got that shotgun. Um, how about I come to your wedding? Not to be married, since you're marrying Beckett and all, but just to watch and…get in on the drinks? (grins nervously) And, uh, I don't know exactly how I got to the Locker. One second everything was black and then I was stranded in a desert with only the Pearl, a peanut, and a bunch of clones of myself.

Angel's Star: Poor Jack. Liz, DxS Phreak says: Hmm...let's see what you hate...you hate being called Liz, you hate other girls kissing your hubby, and you hate being taken hostage. (calls her Liz multiple times, kisses Will, and shoves her in my closet) (pause) This will take place after the show, don't worry.

Elizabeth: Wow what I have to look forward to after the show…

Will: Angel, DxS Phreak says: She can only come out when you agree to let Jack and Beckett marry me. Don't worry, it's for the better for her to be locked up--everyone she's ever kissed has died, remember? Jack, Will, Norry, Sao Feng, and if you count little kisses on the cheek, her father. Oh yeah, here's a question: What's it like to be a rockstar authoress?

Angel's Star: Well, you can duke it out with TavyBeckettFan over who marries Beckett, but I'm letting Jack make up his own mind about who he wants to marry, if he even wants to get married. You're right, though, it's best for Liz to stay locked up in the closet anyway. (evil grin at Elizabeth) And I'm a rockstar authoress? Sweet! I've been promoted! Well, it's great getting support and reviews from all you guys, so thank you so much for that! It makes me smile every time I read a review. Ok, Will, DxS Phreak says: I won't torture you anymore. (hugs)

Will: Thanks!

Angel's Star: Alright, Liz, WWMTgirl says: Very funny, you can just admit you didn't know. Anyway, I forgot to ask- exactly how many kids do you and Will have now?

Elizabeth: Just one, as of now.

Angel's Star: And he hardly gets out of the house, thanks to you! If I weren't able to drive and take him and my brother places, he'd have no friends and no life. Anyway, Beckett, WWMTgirl says: F you. Even Sao Feng's cooler than you.

(Beckett shrugs)

Angel's Star: Um, alright then. Jack, WWMTgirl says: I heard you tattooed your pirate flag on his rear. Is that true?

Jack: (laughing) I wish it were! I would have loved to do something that humiliating to him!

Beckett: (insulted) I don't find that funny, Sparrow.

Jack: Well, I do!

Will: Alright, guys! Angel, Anne Herbold says: You're absolutely amazing! Even though I've said this before, I'll say it again: I LOVE YOUR SHOW! You are a lovely host, and you always manage to get me laughing my butt off every episode! And so, I cybernetically give you and your guests some lovely gifts. For you, I give cute little costumes and diamond encrusted food bowls for your kitties and Johnny Depp for you (Sorry he's all tied up and gagged, but how else was I supposed to get him to be quiet? That and security kept mistaking him for Jack...don't ask. If you've noticed, I've dressed him up quite sexily for you...I hope you like him in tight-fitting t-shirts and jeans that show off his butt perfectly.) You might want to hide him in your room for a while, as to keep him away from crazy fangirls. I also put in a Pirate Costume in as well, who doesn't like a little dress up now and then? Especially with Johnny. (pause) Um, Angel? Are you alright?

(Angel's Star is sitting there with a huge grin on her face, staring blankly into space. The pirates, minus Beckett, gather around her)

Elizabeth: Is she breathing?

Will: Doesn't look like it…

Angel's Star: OHMIGOSH!!!!! (screams and falls out of her chair)

Jack: She's fine.

(They all sit back down)

Will: Um, I guess I'll take over her job for now. Jack, Anne Herbold says: I had to think hard on what to get you, because…well, I wanted to be original and NOT get you rum. Instead, I got you something even better...MARGARITA MIX AND A 10 GALLON JUG OF JOSE CUERVO! ARIBA! CHA-CHA-CHA! Also, to go with your lovely liquor, I give you a gem- (yes, Jack, that's real diamond and ruby!) encrusted sombrero, AND... a Led Zepplin t-shirt and their greatest hits album. ENJOY! Oh, and if you don't know the entirety of all of Led Zepplin's lyrics to their songs, I will have Davy after your (insert insult) butt! Yes, Jack, I've figured you out...it's not that hard. Also, if you do try to come after me, I've got Davy over at my house WITH YOUR JAR OF DIRT! In other words, my favorite pirate, be good and don't do anything stupid like you usually do! Toodles!

Jack: Um…thanks. I'll get right on learning those lyrics then.

Will: Yeah, I would too. Elizabeth, could you read what Anne Herbold says for me?

Elizabeth: Sure. She says: I love you! No, don't worry, Silly-Willy! Not that way, goodness no. I love you, because you are just a wonderful character with great promise ahead of you! That and you and Lizzie are perfect together! And so, I give you this trunk full of designer clothing that will make you oh-so-hot and more desirable (even more so) to Lizzie than ever! Also contained in this trunk is a vast amount of hair supplies to keep your supple hair forever sexy!

Will: Thank you! I'll try them on when we get back to Angel's house. Speaking of Angel, is she still breathing?

Jack: (checks her pulse) Yeah, she's fine.

Will: Good. Elizabeth, Anne Herbold says: Again, as I've said to Will, I love and absolutely adore you, as you're a lovely woman who I think, millions of girls all over the world should look up to! And yes, I did deem that moment when you tied Jack to the mast of the ship to be eaten by the Kraken (yay! I loves me Kraky-poo!) very honorable of you. It was RIGHT IN EVERY ASPECT OF THE SITUATION! Jack's just jealous because he'll never have a girlfriend OR boyfriend as lovely and brave as you! I do hope you'll enjoy all the amazing designer clothing and jewelry I've given you, especially the innumerable collection of Minonlo Blahniks shoes; they're my favorite. Oh, and do enjoy the amethyst encrusted sword as well!

Jack: What?! I'm not gay, nor do I ever want a woman like Lizzie. She burns my rum!

Elizabeth: (ignoring him) Thank you so much! You're definitely one of my favorite viewers.

Will: She's one of mine too. Beckett, um…Anne Herbold says: I absolutely adored you in Pride and Prejudice. In fact, I was quite enamored of you and your short and very sexy ways. But now it seems...I must say this, no matter how much it stings...you've become quite the ...POOPYHEAD! I cannot believe you! You've killed how many innocent people?! And, and...the worst bit of it…YOU'VE ABUSED MY POOR DAVY! AS IF HE HASN'T ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALREADY?! HONESTLY, HOW COULD YOU? YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO CUT YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS OUT OF YOUR BODY, LET ALONE YOUR OWN HEART! AND YET HERE YOU ARE, POKING AND PRODDING THE POOR MAN'S HEART WITH YOUR DAGGER AS IF IT WERE SOME KIND OF DEAD BUNNY ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! WHAT DO HAVE AGAINST POOR BUNNIES?! I shall calm myself...calming down is most valuable when in a hairy situation as this. Mr. Beckett, (you do not deserve the title of Lord! Humph!) if you EVER lay a hand on my dearest and most beloved Davy, OR ANY PART OF HIS ANATOMY WHATSOEVER, I will come after you and beat you with a dead spiked salmon! Oh, and here's a weasel to munch that furry fungus on your head that you happen to call a wig.

Beckett: (wide eyed) Um…I'm sorry? I won't touch Davy's heart again!

Will: Or mine either, I hope.

Jack: So what should we do about ending the show? Angel's still out. (looks down at Angel's Star who still has a huge grin on her face)

Will: I guess we'll end it without her.

Angel's Star: No, you won't! (suddenly jumps up) I'm ALIIIIVE!

Jack: We knew that.

Angel's Star: Oh. Ok then! Thank you for the presents, Anne Herbold! Ok, sorry this was so long, but I had to answer the questions. Be sure to ask Jack, Will, and me, if you want, plenty of questions for next time! Bye!

Elizabeth: Wait! What about me?

Angel's Star: You'll be in the closet, remember?

Elizabeth: WHAT?! I NEVER AGREED TO THIS! I-

Angel's Star: (as Elizabeth continues shouting) Bye, everybody!

(screen fades to black)

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A/N: Sorry this was so long! But you guys got plenty of piratey goodness for a while. Please review!


	15. Episode 15

A/N: Holy cow I had no idea how long it had been since I updated this thing! School's got my schedule packed, so I haven't had much time to write. I'll try to do better, honest!

Disclaimer: Still don't own Pirates, unfortunately. If I did, some unpleasant things would happen to The Lizard.

Chapter 15

(The audience claps and cheers as Angel's Star walks out onto the stage holding an orange cat. She sits down and sets the cat on her lap)

Angel's Star: Hey, everybody! This is DJ, the show's self-appointed mascot. He'll be walking through the crowd today, getting to know you guys. If you want to see his pic, go look at the picture on my profile. (puts cat down on the floor and he heads towards the audience) Anywho, please welcome our two pirates plus Beckett!

(Jack, Will, and Beckett walk out onto the stage. They sit down, but Will does not look happy)

Jack: (looking at Will) I'm almost afraid to ask.

Angel's Star: (sighs) He's just mad 'cause I took one viewer's suggestion too seriously about locking Liz up in a closet. Will, I told you my closet door doesn't shut all the way! She'll be able to breathe!

Will: But why did you have to put her in _your_ closet, of all closets? Yours is small, cramped, and so full of junk you pretty much have to wade over to your clothes!

Jack: (looking suspicious) How do you know what her closet looks like?

Angel's Star: Yeah!

Will: I was quoting Elizabeth. I called her while you were driving us over here because I wasn't sure if I'd ever see her again the way you were shouting at the driver in front of you and that's what she told me.

Jack: That was funny…

Angel's Star: I can't help it if he was going ten miles under the speed limit!

Beckett: You're scary when you drive…

Jack: She's funny!

Angel's Star: Thanks, Jack. Those two are wimps. Well, lets get this show started. The first question of the night is from englishfreckle and it's for Will: Whelp, oops I mean Will, why are you trying to be a Jack wannabe by the end of AWE? The bandanna, hints of kohl, and wearing your hair down.

Will: I wasn't trying to be a Jack wannabe… Well, alright he's the pirate I know best, so I figured I could imitate him at least a little.

Angel's Star: Well, you know they say imitation is a form of flattery. Ok, Beckett, englishfreckle asks: What is it with little people wanting to be all-powerful and what not?

Beckett: I refuse to answer the question on the grounds that you called me little.

Angel's Star: We've been over this already…You have to answer no matter what.

Beckett: (grumbles something) Fine. I don't know about all the other "little" people in the world, but I wanted control so I could rid the world of pirates. We'd all be better off without them.

Jack: You might want to think about who you're saying that in front of, mate. (points to the audience who looks none too happy with Beckett's statement)

Angel's Star: We all expected him to say something like that, though, right? Ok, everybody, englishfreckle asks: What is the best ship in the trilogy? (and you can take that either way- relationship or an actual ship) (pause) The Black Pearl and Will and Liz!

Beckett: I prefer my ship or the Interceptor and I couldn't care less who Elizabeth ended up with.

Jack: So long as she's not with me, I don't care. The best ship is the Pearl, of course.

Will: Well, Elizabeth and I, of course and the Flying Dutchman.

Angel's Star: I know you're only saying that 'cause you're the captain, so I won't call you names. Jack, I'm guessing this question is for you: Can I elope off with Jack to a deserted island full of rum, which I will not burn? Promise. (puppy eyes)

Jack: Can we bring the rum here? I'd much rather not elope anywhere with anyone.

Angel's Star: That's what you've told me. Anyway, Jack, Paden asks: Jack, love, when are you going to confess that you are using an ancient trick used by the Egyptians when you put kohl around your eyes? You know darn well that it cuts the glare of sun on the water as well as sun on the sand. What, you don't want people to know just how clever and educated you are? Oh, and before I forget, here's a new bandana and a charm of amber for your hair. Also, try this Bacardi 151, it's as close to the rum from your time era as your going to find here because mostly people just use the white rum, which is quite inferior in taste and power. Enjoy!

Jack: I don't really need a new bandana, but thanks for the amber and rum imitation. If some one ever really wanted to know why I wear kohl, I'd tell them, but since nobody really asked, there was no point in explaining.

Angel's Star: My thoughts exactly. Will, this applies to Liz too, but since she's not here today this just goes for you. Paden says: Meh, I'm not that impressed and think Elizabeth ought to be performing with trained poodles and Will should take their son and get the heck out because if she can kiss that many and feel so little, what good is she? And being on that island was the only way to keep her faithful so the curse could be broken, savvy? Sure, there were a few others on it, but would they have really have appealed to her basic lust instinct? BTW, I'd give her to Barbossa but that's just because I think he would like to watch her perform with trained poodles and it would give his undead monkey a good giggle...

(Jack snickers)

Will: Well, I'm not happy with her for kissing almost every other man around, but still…she's my wife! I can't just leave her. She needs help…She isn't watching is she?

Angel's Star: Well, Mr. Expert-On-My-Closet, I don't have a plug in there.

Will: Good. There's no way I'd get away with saying she needed that kind of help if she were here or watching…

Angel's Star: Liz can be a nag…Anyway, Will, poniescheerleader1993 says: I think you're cute, but not as cute as Norrington, sorry. What was it like being on the Dutchman for 10 years, then coming home to find you had a son?

Will: I was surprised, but thrilled to finally be home with my new family. Those ten years were horrible, but having my dad with me made it somewhat better.

Angel's Star: Aww. Everybody, DxS Phreak asks: How did you feel when you learned you were a fictional character in what is essentially a 2 hour advertisement for a theme park ride? (Don't get me wrong, I still love POTC) Also, what is it like to have an extremely huge fanbase?

Jack: I'm not fictional! You can see and touch me, see? (grabs Angel's Star's hand and pokes his own arm with it)

Angel's Star: (sweat drop) Um, yeah…(takes hand back)

Will: Uh, anyway, having a huge fanbase is great. It feels good having support from so many people.

Angel's Star: Ok. Beckett, DxS Phreak asks: Since I'm feeling random, I'll ask a random question. What do you think about the Phil Spector murder trial? Homicide or suicide? I think you, as a man of the "law", would have a very educated and worded guess about this. (pause) Don't talk long, Beckett. We haven't got all night and this stuff bores me.

Beckett: Well, I haven't had much time to learn about it because Angel's Star doesn't look at politics and the like. But from what I can tell, I strongly believe it was homicide. (sarcastically to Angel's Star) Was that short enough?

Angel's Star: Yup! I'm still awake. Beckett, TavyBeckettFan asks: What is your natural hair color? I'm soo glad you want to marry me! Where do you want to meet? Do you like two year old children and babies?

Beckett: My natural hair color is dark brown, I don't really know what to say to your second question, and no, I don't care for children.

Angel's Star: Don't worry, TavyBeckettFan! Leave it up to Angel the Matchmaker to get you a date with ol' Beckett here.

Jack: Since when did you become Angel the Matchmaker?

Angel's Star: Just now because the time was right. Anyway, everybody, mrspatrickdempsey-

Will: Oh boy…

Angel's Star: (ignoring him) asks: Have you seen High School Musical 2? Or 1 is fine too. Anyway... If you have, what's you favorite song and character? (pause) I haven't seen much of High School Musical 2, but I've seen the first one. My favorite song in the first one is "Bop to the Top" and my favorite character is Sharpey.

Jack: Personally, I've never seen the movie. Too childish, I think.

Will: And you're not childish?

Jack: Nope.

Will: I haven't seen it either. But speaking on Elizabeth's behalf, she's seen part of it and likes Gabriella and the song "Breaking Free." I think that's what it's called…

Angel's Star: Ok, then, even though nobody asked for Liz's opinion. Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: If you could be anyone other then yourself, who would you be and what would you do for a living?

Jack: I'm happy being myself, but anyway…I think I might want to be someone like Keith Richards for a day. Just to see what it's like to be a rock star.

Will: You've been listening to that Nickleback song one too many times.

Angel's Star: I like that one! Ok, Will-

Will: Nope! I'm leaving! (gets up)

Angel's Star: Oh no you're not! (tackles him to the floor) Quick, Beckett, read the question! (tosses him the cards, but they land on the floor)

Jack: Why does everyone automatically assume I can't read?

Beckett: (searches through the cards and finally picks one up) I think this is it…

Jack: I _can_ read, you know.

Beckett: Mr. Turner, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Will you Marry me?...HAHAHA YA RIGHT! Like that would actually come out of my mouth! Anyway...What's you favorite chick flick? If you could pick a outfit from one of the following to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be? (A) Tube top, mini skirt and high heeled stripper boots. (B) Pink and Brown stripped mini dress with leggings. (C) Skinny jeans, hot pink t-shirt and girly winter boots. (D) 4 shirts, all different colors that clash horribly, jean jacket and a grandma skirt. Have fun picking one! (evil laugh)

Jack: I could've read that easily.

Angel's Star: Well, Will?

Will: (gasping for breath) I'll answer if you get off my throat!

(Angel's Star gets off)

Beckett: What were you doing on there anyway?

(Angel's Star shrugs)

Will: (rubbing his throat) I don't watch chick flicks. And out of those four, I'd pick the one with pants.

Angel's Star: Ok! See how easy that was? You just had to make it harder.

(they get back up in their chairs and Angel's Star picks up the cards and tries to organize them)

Angel's Star: Ok, Jack, since you're wanting to read something, read the question for me. (hands him the card)

Jack: mrspatrickdempsey says: That's great that DJ is ok. What's his brother's name? You still rock Angel's Star!

Angel's Star: Thanks! DJ has lots of brothers and sisters. Their names are Orange, Mango, CD, TC, Missy, Skittles, and Nikki. He did have another sister named M&M, but she got run over… (sniffs)

(everybody's silent for a few seconds)

Angel's Star: Ok. The show must go on. Everybody, ChefColette asks: If you could go to Paris, which place would you visit and why? (pause) I'd visit the Eiffel Tower because I'd love to go up to the very top.

Beckett: I think I'd rather enjoy seeing the Arc de Triomphe because of it's beauty and architectural design.

Jack: I'd like to go to the Eiffel Tower too, but for a different reason: to drop a small something off of it to see if it killed somebody if it hit them on the head!

Beckett: You're a very disturbed man.

Angel's Star: That would be funny!

Will: I would like to take Elizabeth to the Louvre Museum because I'm sure it would be something she would really enjoy.

Angel's Star: You're so thoughtful. Ok, the second question from ChefColette is also for everybody: What would be your perfect pirate pet? (besides parrots and monkeys) (pause) Mine would be a dog.

Jack: I've never thought about having a pet. Guess I could always keep a cat on board the Pearl to keep the mice down, but mice only get on when we make berth.

Will: I might go with Angel on this one. A dog sounds pretty good to me.

Beckett: I'm not a pirate, nor do I transfer animals around. If any animal were to stow away on my ship, I guess it could be a pet.

Angel's Star: ChefColette also sent us a warning that Syndrome was here trying to take over, but we've got everything under control, don't we, Syndrome? (waves at him in the crowd)

(he waves back nervously)

Angel's Star: The Incredibles did get here, don't worry. That's them sitting around him to make sure he doesn't hurt anybody. Like DJ. Ok, Will, Roger D. says: For the record, the girls I hang out with are all either lesbian, bi and with women, or with other guys. I've got no chance...

Will: Sure you do! Just make friends with some women who are straight, single, and looking.

Jack: Hey, I've still got Angel's questions!

Angel's Star: Do I have a question?

Jack: Yup, well, a comment. Roger D. says: You didn't answer my question about Captain Teague...I really want to ask him some questions...

Angel's Star: Oh, sorry about that! Yeah, we'll have Teague on here next time, ok? Everybody, Captain-Rogue-River says: I for the first time (pause for dramatic effect) HAVE NOTHING TO SAY! DUN DUN DUH! Except that I was surprised Jack didn't say that he rubbed rum on his sunburn...

Jack: I tried it once. It burned really bad. Ok, Angel, Captain-Rogue-River says: Thank you for FINALLY updating, asking my questions AND your well wishes. Can you actually have me and my mom come out and meet Will and Jack?

Angel's Star: You're very welcome! Of course I can have you and your mom come meet Will and Jack.

Will: I'm still nervous from the time all the fan girls glomped me…

Angel's Star: We'll try not to let any of that happen this time.

Will: It was your fault to begin with!

Angel's Star: Oh. Right. Ok, Jack, cazonetta says: Aw, Jack, Jack... I'm sorry, I don't have anything really serious against you... (walks out as a shark thingy from Davy Jones ship)... but I DO have some VERY SERIOUS business that I must attend to with a particular someone here! (unleashes the beastie Kraken, which whips DxS Phreak into tasty lasagna lunch in NO TIME) MWAHAHAHAHA! I don't take a shotgun lightly by ANYONE! Besides, I didn't take rifle shooting classes for nothing, you know! I can take care of meself (lifts rifle defensively).

Jack: Uh…they're having a fight…over me?

Will: Not necessarily. Remember cazonetta insulted you then DxS Phreak insulted them?

Jack: Oooh. Right. Got it.

Angel's Star: Uh, yeah, lets hope this is all in the spirit of good fun. Remember, guys, if I see that you're not just playing around anymore (which I hope is what you're doing now), I'll stop reading your replies to each other on this show and you two can duke it out elsewhere. Ok?

Will: We just don't want any fighting on the show.

Jack: Aww, come on! You guys take the fun out of everything! Let them fight! It'll be fun!

Angel's Star: Nope. Not on this show if it starts getting out of hand. Jack, TATheSunTwin asks: Will you run for your life if the dead invade your world?

Jack: Well, they kinda of already have and have been defeated, so…I guess if new ones appeared, I'd try to fight them before I ran.

Angel's Star: Alrighty, Will, TATheSunTwin asks: Do you play video games at Angel's home and which is your favorite?

Will: I don't play video games often, but when I do I prefer racing games like Gran Turismo 3 or Rally Fusion.

Angel's Star: Oh you and your car games. Everybody, TATheSunTwin asks: Did you watch the new Family Guy episode doing a Star Wars movie? It was cool and funny! (pause) No, I haven't seen it. Sounds funny.

Jack: I think I might have seen part of it, but I can't remember for sure.

Will: I haven't seen it either.

Beckett: I don't watch much television and what I do watch is usually the news or politics related, but Angel's Star gets bored with that easily and changes the channel-

Angel's Star: Just answer the question!

Beckett: I was getting to that!

Angel's Star: And taking your precious time doing it…

Beckett: Fine. In answer to the question, no, I haven't see it.

Jack: Took you long enough.

Angel's Star: I'll say it did.

Jack: Well, Angel, the last question of the night goes to you. TATheSunTwin asks: Which Dragon Ball Z hero or villain do you find is the hottest?

Will: Glad I didn't have to read that. It would've been awkward.

Jack: You're telling me.

Angel's Star: So you've actually glanced at some of my other stories? Good for you! Thanks! As for your question, I actually had a crush on Vegeta for a while. He's still pretty hot.

Jack: What about me?

Angel's Star: Oh don't worry! (hugs him) We all love you!

Beckett: Speak for yourself…

Will: Yeah.

Angel's Star: Party poopers. Ok, so that's end of tonight's show. I hope everybody enjoyed it, even though it was shorter than the last several episodes. As I've already said, Teague will be with us next time and so will Liz, unfortunately. Beckett won't be here, though.

(Beckett looks relieved)

Angel's Star: Though I was getting used to having him here…I might lock Liz up again sometime and bring him back!

Beckett: NO! Please don't!

Angel's Star: Oh, you know you want to. Anyway, be sure to ask Jack, Liz, Will, and Teague lots of questions so we can have a longer episode! Thanks and goodnight!

(screen fades to black just as Beckett starts begging not to be brought back on the show)

-------

A/N: Yeah this chapter was shorter, but I hope that's ok. You guys didn't leave me much to ask! I guess because the last chapter was so long. Anyway, please review!


	16. Episode 16

A/N: Oh my goodness, it seems like I update and then I leave it for a while. I'm so very sorry!! I've been getting caught up in Pirating 101 and the holidays and such, so please forgive me. I'll try to do better! Try being the key word.

Disclaimer: I don't know why you still think I own POTC after all these chapters, but I don't.

Chapter 16

(Angel's Star walks out onto the stage, not bringing DJ this time. The crowd applauds and she waves and sits down)

Angel's Star: Hey and welcome back! Sorry I didn't bring DJ this time. He's busy entertaining my family. Seriously. Anywho, please welcome back the stars of our show plus Teague!

(Jack, Will, Elizabeth, and Teague walk out onto the stage and the audience cheers again)

Jack: And unfortunately, Lizzie is joining us this time.

Angel's Star: Yeah well… Apparently people wanted to ask her questions.

Will: It might have something to do with the fact that you said Elizabeth was coming back.

Angel's Star: True.

Jack: Well, aren't you going to explain how this whole thing works to dear ol' Dad or are you assuming he already knows?

Angel's Star: I'm assuming.

Teague: You're assuming wrong.

Angel's Star: Well, you'll catch on quick enough.

Will: That's not what you said to Davy.

Angel's Star: That's because I feel sorry for Davy.

(Jack glares at her. She laughs nervously)

Angel's Star: Anyway! Lets get started, shall we?

Jack: You just said shall.

Angel's Star: So I did. Jack, the first question of the night is for you. PrettylilPirate asks: If I paid you in gold and rum, would you marry me?

Jack: (pauses to consider it) As tempting as that is, I'm going to have to decline. I'm a free man and am not ready to settle down. Don't know as I'll ever be.

Teague: Jack, you've been free long enough. High time you married or at least stayed with one woman. I thought you and Angel's Star hit it off well yesterday evening-

Angel's Star: Slow down there! What happened yesterday evening does not leave my house.

Will: It's not that bad, you know. Plenty of girls have done it.

Elizabeth: What are you talking about? I was still locked up in the closet.

Will: She got wired off chocolate while Jack was a bit tipsy yesterday and they started dancing around, screaming random things at the top of their lungs.

Angel's Star: Gee, thanks, Will…

Elizabeth: That's nothing to be embarrassed about!

Angel's Star: Yeah, it is. I've got a reputation as a sane hostess to keep!

Elizabeth: You lost that reputation when you locked me in a closet.

Angel's Star: (blinks) Oh. Anywho, Liz, Alix-Jesusfreak asks: Can you tell me WHY all the men you've been with have DIED in some way, shape, or form? By the way, I really don't like you.

Elizabeth: I honestly have no clue! Angel claims it's because I have horribly bad breath, but I don't.

Angel's Star: Liz, if your breath didn't stink horribly, we wouldn't get up and run when you come into the kitchen every morning.

Teague: I have to agree.

Angel's Star: See? It's unanimous. Will, Ailx-Jesusfreak asks: WHY ELIZABETH? YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!

Will: I can? (sees Elizabeth glaring at him) I mean-(looks down at a piece of paper and reads in a monotone) I'm perfectly happy with Elizabeth and do not need another woman.

Angel's Star: (raises an eyebrow) Suit yourself. Jack, Alix-Jesusfreak asks: Do you still sing about that jar of dirt? It's been bugging me since your first sword fight with Will... WHY on earth do you call him a eunuch? ...I mean, obviously he's NOT cause he kind of has a SON... EH??

Jack: I don't really sing about the jar of dirt anymore. But Will had no girl and he didn't seem like he ever had one, since he practiced with his swords three hours a day… Now I just call him a eunuch because it bothers him.

Will: It's not funny.

Jack: It is to me.

Angel's Star: Alrighty. Liz, Life Ravenwing asks: What was your inspiration for the famous 'curiosity' speech with Jack?

Elizabeth: Honestly, I was make it up as I went. I knew he was drunk and it wouldn't really matter what I said.

Angel's Star: Ok, Jack, Life Ravenwing asks: What was going through your mind during that speech?

Jack: I think it was something along the lines of "Why won't she shut up?!"

Angel's Star: You're so nice… Liz, Life Ravenwing says: Same question as Jack!

Elizabeth: I was trying to sort out what to say and what not to say and wondering if he was really listening to me.

Angel's Star: Well, we see he wasn't really. Teague, your first question is from l'il pirate: What ever happened between you and Jack? You two don't get alone very good. I mean what did he ever do wrong?

Teague: He decided to go and disobey Beckett's orders about taking slaves up to America or somewhere like that. He got branded and decided to go off pirating. I know about how pirates only live short lives and I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen.

Jack: He sunk my ship.

Teague: You could have come back without being wanted.

Jack: By so many women? I can't help that.

Angel's Star: Now guys, calm down. Teague, Geeks R Adorkable asks: Is your name really Teague, or is that your last name? Cause frankly I don't believe the rumors that Jack's last name is Teague! And your son is a hero! Are you proud of him in what he's accomplished with his life?

Teague: Nope, my first name is Teague. I suppose I'm proud of Jack…he did get rid of Davy Jones and all…

Angel's Star: Oh I thought you saw Davy while you were at my house.

Teague: I chose to ignore him.

Angel's Star: Oooh.

Will: Angel, Geeks R Adorkable says: I loved your show so much that I wrote a story where me and my friends have an advice show. It's not like yours! (don't sue me!) But I was wondering if you'd like to be on the show, either as a guest or just as an audience member who asks a question?

Angel's Star: I'm flattered! I won't sue. I'll do whichever you want me to do. Hey…that rhymed… You're the second person this show has inspired in some way. (grins) Anyway! Audience, go check out her story! It's pretty cute. While you're there, ask her a question or two. Thanks! Ok, everybody except Liz, Xx Cullen family RULES xX asks: Why does everyone insult and make fun of Elizabeth?! She never did anything wrong! I completely understand why she burnt the rum and handcuffed Jack, and you guys--the crew--should thank her cause if she didn't do that EVERYONE would have died!! you all would have been dead! Oh and Will, I cried so hard when you died in the AWE! It was so sad! Your kid is so cute to!

Will: Thanks!

Jack: I'm not thanking Liz for killing me.

Angel's Star: Me neither!

(Teague shrugs to himself)

Jack: She had no bloody reason to burn ALL of my rum!

Angel's Star: Seriously! What if Jack had thirsted to death and the Navy had never come?

Will: We're getting off subject…

Angel's Star: Oh, right. Well, C. J. Black has an order for us to read these questions in, so I'll start with Teague: Hey, how are you? Do you think Keith Richards did a good or a bad job at playing you? And, by the way, I'm looking for a guitar teacher, and I don't have any money right now. I spent it all buying a poster of Jack.

Teague: Another obsessed fan?

Jack: I have a lot.

Teague: I see… I'm fine, by the way. Keith Richards did an excellent job portraying me in the movie. Um…Jack, C. J. Black says: Hi! It was so great to have you back on the show...(Angel, could you tell them about the...you no, Sandra's object that we had problems with?) And by the way, I'm in the audience! Yay! Can I come and hug Jack? Or sit on his lap?...Pweaze? (Teague raises an eyebrow)

Angel's Star: Just a hug. No lap sitting on my show…unless it's on Will's lap…

Jack: What's that about problems with Sandra's…object?

Elizabeth: That sounded wrong…

Angel's Star: It's her necklace and I'll tell you later.

(C. J. Black comes down and hugs Jack and goes back to her seat)

Angel's Star: Ok, Will, C. J. Black says: Hi! Just wanted to say, is it Will Turner's Locker now? My dad said that he liked the movie when we saw it the first time in the theater. As we were walking out, he said, "I liked it. It was ok, but I don't think I'll be very intimidated about 'Will Turner's Locker'" I defended you, of course, but is it? Or are you going to keep the name of Davy Jones Locker?

Will: I know what you mean, but I can't decide if I want to strike fear into their hearts or not. Davy did enough of that, but I haven't decided.

Elizabeth: So I get to read what she says about me? Ok then… C. J. Black says: I have nothing to say to you except...YOU BROKE MY HEART WHEN I THOUGHT THEY HAD KILLED OFF JACK FOR GOOD! BEFORE I HAD ASPIRED TO BE YOU! NOW I JUST AM SAD THAT MY MIDDLE NAME IS ELIZABETH!! I'M THINKING ABOUT HAVING IT LEGALLY CHANGED NOW! I pity you. But as a pity present I give you...A ROTTEN TOMATO!(stands up and throws rotten tomato that hits her and splatters her whole dress.)I HOPE THIS IS YOUR BEST DRESS! Sorry Will, I know she's your fiancée and all, but I had to do it. (Elizabeth looks up, squeals and ducks as a tomato whizzes over her head)

Angel's Star: Hey, hey, hey! Wait 'til we're off the air to throw things at Liz!

Jack: Oookaaay…Angel, C. J. Black says: If Will IS good at video games, and he likes car games, I have the Simpson's Road Rage that was my brother's before he moved out. I never use it, your little brother could have it, and Will could play it with him because it can be a two player game.

Angel's Star: Thanks! Here's a bit more advertisement. Go read some of C. J. Black's stuff too! Her poems are really good. Anywho, everybody, mrspatrickdempsey asks: If you have seen it, what do you guys think of Johnny Depp's new movie Sweeney Todd?? (pause) I want to see it!!

Jack: It was good. I liked it.

Will: It was a bit weird in my opinion, but he did a good job.

Elizabeth: I haven't seen it, nor do I really care to.

Teague: (looks confused) I've never heard of it.

Angel's Star: (rushes over and glomps Will) Now you can't escape!

Will: Escape what?

Angel's Star: This question from mrspatrickdepmsey: If you had to be stuck with one person all day who would you pick? (and I mean stuck like your tied together or something and have to do things like going to the bathroom together and stuff) A) Jack B) Barbossa C) Norrington D) Davy Jones E) Beckett. AND your not allowed to ignore my multiple choices and pick Lizzie.

(Will groans as Angel's Star gets off him and goes back to her seat)

Will: What did I ever do to you? (sighs and thinks for a second) I guess I'd choose Jack because he's the only one on the list that I would remotely get along with.

Jack: Count me out.

Angel's Star: Poor Will…always getting these weird questions. Teague, mrspatrickdempsey-

Teague: If she asks me something like that, I'm not answering.

Angel's Star: She's not, don't worry. Her question is: What was Jack like when he was a little kid?

Teague: Loud, energetic, always into something, and really protective of his stuff.

Angel's Star: Kind of like he is now. Jack, mrspatrickdempsey asks: When you father walked in during the meeting of the Brethren, why were you all scared and stuff? Did you not have a good childhood or something? If you didn't, I send you virtual hugs.

Jack: I wasn't expecting him and when we were last together, things weren't very pleasant. My childhood was fine, I s'pose.

Angel's Star: That's good then. Liz, mrspatrickdempsey asks: Did you ever want a brother or a sister when you were young?

Elizabeth: Yes, I've always wanted a younger sister. Someone who would look up to me and who I could help guide through life. (looks over at Angel's Star) Angel, you're younger than me-

Angel's Star: I'm not becoming your sister!

Elizabeth: Fine. Be that way.

Angel's Star: I will. Jack, Midnight Emerald says: I can't think of a question right now but I will protect you if Davy Jones does a Barbossa and rises from the dead. (gives rum to calm him down)

Jack: Thank you! But he's at Angel's house sometimes…like when she watches Pirates 3 and feels sorry for him. But most of the time he's on the Dutchman.

Will: Which is technically my ship.

Jack: Yes, but you're a wimp and he does whatever he wants.

Will: (sarcastically) Thanks for that…

Angel's Star: Ah well. Will, Midnight Emerald says: Have decided you are worth keeping alive but because of my compassion we should all get to know the truth about whether he is an eunuch or not and therefore should drop his pants and undies in return for me not killing him after Angel's Star has finished with him. (eyes widen) Whoa, there! No pants dropping on my show!

Will: (looks very relieved) For a moment, I was wondering if you would make me do that.

Angel's Star: You have no faith in me.

Elizabeth: I don't either and I don't blame Will for not.

Angel's Star: Yeah well. Midnight Emerald also wanted to know if Will _did_ drop his pants and everybody's staring at him if some crazy Jack fan girls would attack Jack so she could be his personal bodyguard. But since it didn't happen, she'll have to wait 'til later to defend him. Also, she gives out cookies to everybody including crazy fan girls, rum for Jack, a new, improved sword for Will, and a new dress for Liz.

(They all thank her)

Angel's Star: Ok, Jack, Lil' Pirate Lass asks: I like this guy and there's this rumor going around that he likes me too. What do I do? (I just thought that a pirate's advice is the best advice and if you can't answer please pass this on to Will who is still totally cool!!)

Jack: (blinks) Um. Flirt with him and offer him rum?

Angel's Star: She's probably underage and so is he.

Jack: Well…(thinks hard for a few seconds) Your turn, eunuch.

Will: (glares at Jack) I would say just be really nice to him and pay him more attention.

Angel's Star: (claps) Good advise! Both of you! I'm actually very surprised…Ok, Teague, PSManiac asks: Did you shrink your wife's head for fun?

Teague: No, it kind of…shriveled up after a few years.

Jack: That's disgusting.

(Teague glares at him)

Angel's Star: Well it is. Ok, everybody, PSManiac asks: Did you ever meet your actor counterparts? And what was the strangest thing you've seen on your adventures? It could be the rock-crabs, the kraken, or that blob of squid-flesh at the back of Davy's neck. If you were a transformer, what would you transform into? (pause) That's a lot of questions.

Jack: I'll start! Yes, I've met Johnny Depp and the only reason for that is because one of the viewers gave him to Angel.

(Angel's Star squeals)

Jack: Ahem! The weirdest thing I've seen on my adventures would be that vision of me in Davy's cell, licking my brain (shudders). And if I were a transformer, I'd transform into a really fast boat so I could be near the water. And go fast.

Will: Ok, my turn. I've never met Orlando Bloom. The weirdest thing I've seen would be my own heart sitting in a chest. That was very awkward. If I could transform, I'd become like that Camaro in the Transformers movie.

Elizabeth: Well, I've not met Keira Knightley, though I'd like to. She seems nice. Davy Jones would probably be the weirdest thing I've seen on my adventures. And I don't know what I'd transform into if I could. Maybe one of those cute Volkswagen Beetles?

Teague: I've not met Keith Richards. I've seen a lot of weird things in my time, so I can't narrow it down to one. And I haven't been in this time long enough to know what I'd transform into if I could.

Will: I don't know who this suggestion is for, but Angel, I'm assuming it's for you. PSManiac says: I have an idea, why not a show with the pirates and their actors? (Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Keira Knightley)

Angel's Star: Hm, not a bad idea. I may have considered that at one point. Alright. Jack, DxS Phreak says: I've included you in my recent fanfics. Do you recall anyone by the name of Michelle or Char, perhaps?

Jack: Umm….I can't recall anyone with that name.

Angel's Star: Ok then. Liz, DxS Phreak says: Sigh. I know you know how much I really dislike you and all but...since I've been trying to be a better fan girl recently...I'd just like to say...I'm sorry I hate you so much. Sigh again.

Elizabeth:…Thanks…? I'm not sure how to take that.

Angel's Star: Neither am I, but it's funny.

Elizabeth: You wouldn't say that if it was directed towards you.

Angel's Star: I had a hate comment, remember? Somebody hated me for picking on Will. But speaking of Will, DxS Phreak says: Um…Hi!

Will: Hi! Simple comment, no hating me or asking me horribly embarrassing questions. I like her.

Jack: But where's the fun in that?

Elizabeth: Jack, if you're wanting some kind of weird question like Will gets from mrspatrickdempsey, I'm sure someone would ask you one.

Jack: Nope. I'm good.

Angel's Star: Okie dokie then. Teague, DxS Phreak says: Wow. You're just like...Wow. You're like a god, you know that? Man, you're awesome. Uh, anyways, what was your wife's name and maybe could we have a little back-story on her?

Teague: Her name was Arya and I met her while I was in India. She was a native of the country, you know. I took her on board my ship and we fell in love and then along came Jack during the middle of a typhoon.

Jack: (sarcastically) I've always had lovely timing.

Will: Just like when you happened to drop in to Port Royal.

Jack: That was actually a good thing I did or else Lizzie would've drowned…

(Angel's Star and Jack look at each other)

Angel's Star: You're not serious about that being good.

Jack: You're right. I'm just delusional.

Angel's Star: I was getting worried for a second there. Ok, Jack, LilmissCHRISTian says: Ok, I've decided to stop teasin' and threatenin' ye because I be talkin' an' actin' like ye now! I frequently find meself doin' th' Jack walk an' I actually answer one o' me teachers in yer accent an' way o' talkin'! No, I be not obsessed...but, I would love t' meet ye! Could I next show? I have rum... (pause) And here she is!

(LilmissCHRISTian walks out onto the stage and shakes Jack's hand and gives him rum)

Jack: Thanks! From the sounds of it I think you're obsessed, but whatever you say.

Angel's Star: Yeah, well. Ok everybody, Chef Colette asks: Who is your favorite Nintendo character, and what would you say to him/her if you met him/her? (pause) Mine's Link from Legend of Zelda. I'd probably say something like "Holy cow! Can I have your autograph? Can I ride Epona?!"

Elizabeth: I like Toad from the Mario games. He's so cute with the little mushroom on his head! I have no idea what I'd say to him, though. Maybe tell him how cute he is.

Jack: Just don't kiss him or he'll die.

(Elizabeth glares at him)

Jack: (ignoring her) I think Mario's kind of funny in a good way. I'd ask him to teach me to throw those fireballs like he does in Super Smash Brothers.

Will: I think Link is cool too. He's saved the world and everything and the games he's in are pretty fun. I'd probably ask him something like how he learned to swordfight so early in life…or something like that.

Angel's Star: Okie dokie, Teague, Chef Colette asks: When did you first play guitar?

Teague: I first started playing when I was around fifteen and have been playing ever since.

Angel's Star: I like the guitar too. Jack, Chef Colette found a note for you from Link. It says he wants to challenge you to a friendly swordfight! (gasps) I'll get to meet Link!

Jack: I'm assuming it didn't include the gasping and the last part.

Angel's Star: Nope. It didn't. But that's it for this episode, guys.

Teague: Well, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Jack: I told you it's not all bad.

Angel's Star: I'd like to hope it's not. Anywho, ask lots of questions for Jack, Will, Liz and our surprise guests!

Elizabeth: Which are…?

Angel's Star: Guess.

Elizabeth: I don't know!

Angel's Star: Ok…Tia Dalma and Davy Jones!

Jack: WHAT?!?! Davy's already been on here!!

Angel's Star: Yes, I know, but I got a request to have them on here so the viewers could give them counseling in their relationship, which I think is a good idea. Anyway, be sure to ask us all lots of questions! Bye!

(Screen fades to black with Jack still protesting)

-------

A/N: Again, I'm very sorry for not updating sooner. I've been caught up in so many things and hopefully this isn't too late of an update, though it really is late. Hope you guys liked it anyway and I'll try to get the next one out sooner!


	17. Episode 17

A/N: Oh gosh it's been forever since I've updated this thing…I'm sooo sorry. I kind of just lost any motivation to write this story. This will be the last chapter. Sorry.

Disclaimer: Never have owned Pirates, nor will I ever.

Chapter 17

(Angel's Star walks out onto the stage. The audience cheers and claps and she grins and sits down)

Angel's Star: Hey everybody! So the show is ending. We've had a good run and I appreciate everybody's support. But before I get into that and our special surprise, lets welcome our stars plus Davy Jones and Tia Dalma!

(Audience cheers as the pirates walk out onto the stage and take their seats)

Elizabeth: So it's finally ending? I won't be put through anymore torture?

Angel's Star: (shrugs) Depends on whether the viewers feel the need to do some Liz bashing on their own.

(Elizabeth huffs)

Davy: At least I won't have to live in fear of being brought back on here…

Angel's Star: That wasn't very nice!…(mumbles) Then again, when has he ever been nice?

Davy: I heard that!

Angel's Star: I'm sure you did.

Will: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what's this "special surprise" you're talking about?

Angel's Star: Oh, that! Well, the producers have seen how much people have enjoyed this show, so they're making another one! This time it'll have The Dark Knight cast in it and they'll be living in a tiny apartment together and doing everything together! Plus, viewers will get to suggest what they do. It's called _The Dark Reality._

Elizabeth: At least I don't have to be there.

(Will nods)

Angel's Star: You guys never appreciate me and my particular brand of humor. But anyway onto our first question! Jack, in-luv-with-u asks: Why is it that all of your teeth are really white, but you've got some gold ones, as if they've been missing cause you forgot to brush just two of them randomly? Seriously, it confuses people. I love you, though. A lot.

Jack: They're not actually missing. The gold is over my teeth. It's a handy place to keep treasure…got enough of it in my hair already.

Will: You think?

Jack: (pause) Nope!

Angel's Star: Well, Liz, in-luv-with-u asks: Were you turned on while kissing Jack? (pause) And vise versa to you, Jack.

Jack: Heck no! The last woman I ever want to be kissed by is that rum burning wench!

Elizabeth: If I could've thought of another way to make you stay on the ship, I would've done something else. As it was, no, I wasn't turned on.

Angel's Star: I've got an idea. Liz should've been left on the ship as a distraction and let Jack get away with everybody else.

Davy: The Kraken still would've gone after Sparrow after it ate her and the ship.

Angel's Star: No, it wouldn't.

Davy: Why's that?

Angel's Star: Poor thing would've had a belly ache!

Elizabeth: That was mean!

Jack: But funny. Very funny.

Angel's Star: Thanks! Will, in-luv-with-u asks: Why do people say you look just like your dad when your dad is so ugly? Do you take it offensively sometimes? Has anyone called you Bootstrap? Did that make you mad? I love you too, but not as much as Jack.

Will: (shrugs) I have no idea why they say that. Personally, I think I resemble my mother more, but no, I don't take it offensively when they say I look like my father. He's a good man…underneath all those shells and such… No, I've never been called Bootstrap.

Angel's Star: Okie dokie. Jack, Liz, Sparrabethy Forever says: First of all, you guys would make a perfect couple. Second of all, Jack, do you think that you would consider being in a relationship with our lovely little Lizzie over there? I mean, you did kind of propose for her in DMC. Come on. Don't deny it.

Jack: First of all, mate, you've got to remember that I was bloody DRUNK when I said that. I had no idea what I was saying.

Angel's Star: (nods) Yup, we all saw the rum bottle, which probably wasn't your first for the day… Anywho! Tia, Sparrabethy Forever says: Okay, just got to say that I think you're awesome. Sure, as it appears, you may not have been entirely faithful to Davy-boy, you're awesome. You seem so mysterious. Just had to say something.

(Davy scowls)

Tia: Thank you. No one's ever told me I was awesome.

Jack: Davy's not happy.

Davy: SHUT UP!

Jack: Right! Sorry. Shutting up.

Angel's Star: Told you he's not nice! Liz, Sparrabethy Forever asks: What if while Will is off being all captainy on the Flying Dutchman, he came back all tentically and mean after spending so much around the dead? Would you leave him and run into Jack's arms?

Elizabeth: To be honest, I had worried that he would, but I made my resolve to stick by him no matter how he turned out.

Jack: (to Will) You should feel special then.

(Suddenly, Sparrabethy Forever makes a break for the stage and glomps Jack, screaming how she loves him. The security guards quickly grab her off and take her out of the studio)

Angel's Star: That was…unexpected.

Will: We've seen worse.

Angel's Star: Yeah, well. Liz, MonkeyFooFoo asks: So, what's it like being the icon of so many men's affection? I mean, you've got Will of course, but then there's Jack (Yes, Jack, it's true. You can't deny it.), and Norrington, even Sao Feng. I mean seriously. And after that there's still all of your adoring male fans who have dirty little thoughts going on in their heads right about now about you, and I'm guessing other people from the movies. Honestly. Out of all of them, you have Will, but we all know that you secretly love Jack out of your wits. BWAHAHA! YOU MUST WEAR YOUR LIE DETECTOR OR ELSE YOU SHALL PAY!

Jack: I deny it!

Angel's Star: Oh calm down. As much as I'd like to see Lizzie here pay, we'll use the lie detector.

(As if on cue, two men come out with a helmet and place it on Elizabeth's head. They attach a few wires and hurry back off the stage)

Angel's Star: Now answer.

Elizabeth: Before I answer, what will this thing do if I lie?

Angel's Star: (casually) Only send five thousand volts through your tiny, little body.

Elizabeth: You just try to torture me, don't you?

Angel's Star: Yup.

Elizabeth: (sighs) I enjoy all the attention from those different men, but my heart lies with Will and Will alone.

Angel's Star: (pauses) Ok, she's telling the truth. But you're leaving that on for the rest of the show.

Elizabeth: Why?!

Angel's Star: (shrugs) Just want to make you sweat a little. Jack, BrownEyedCuriousity says: Okay, regarding your answer to that you love all women, if we had the same interest including rum, treasure, the sea, all that stuff and I was a pirate would you marry me? Oh, and one more what do you think of Johnny Depp?

Jack: I'm just not the marrying type! I'd much rather not if I didn't have to. Sorry, love. Johnny Depp's ok. He does a pretty good job playing me in the movie.

Angel's Star: (cough)understatement(cough).

Will: What?

Angel's Star: Nothing. Will, BrownEyedCuriousity asks: What do you think of Jack and Barbossa calling you a whelp? Jack is 500X hotter than you and Elizabeth should of choose Jack! (pause) Harsh.

Will: I don't appreciate everybody calling me a whelp. Just because I wasn't a pirate when all this started doesn't mean I'm a whelp!

Jack: You sound bitter.

Angel's Star: I think he is.

Will: I'm not bitter!

Davy: Aye, he's bitter.

Angel's Star: (nods) Ok! Jack, Miss SparrowGirl asks: Hi! When's your birthday? Cause I really have the need to celebrate your birthday (and my friends think I'm crazy for this... eh..) Oh and my friends hate you... could you kill the ones that do? Cause I'm getting mad at them for when they make fun of you... Oh, and I want to be first mate on the Pearl. And it's a good idea cause I can swordfight (have been since I was... well.. VERY little like 3ish), I know how to work a pistol, shotgun, and other guns. I also learn things quickly. And I just plain love sailing (in fact when I was little people thought I was a pirate because I was the only one to stay upright) Thanks! Oh and I'm in the audience so... I was wondering if I could go up and hug you. (pause) Sure! Come on down and hug him!

(Miss SparrowGirl hurries down and gives Jack a hug and goes back to her seat)

Angel's Star: You know there's money to be made in letting people hug you and Will.

Will: Surely you wouldn't charge people to hug us!

Elizabeth: Just watch her do it.

Angel's Star: Liz, I'm hurt! I can't believe you'd think I'd do something like that!

Jack: AHEM! Time for me to answer my questions!

Angel's Star: Oh, right, sorry. Go on.

Jack: My birthday's on June 26th, or so I'm told. And judging from what Angel's told me about this time, it wouldn't be a good idea to kill your friends. You have my permission to threaten them, though.

Will: At least you didn't volunteer me to-

Angel's Star: (clamps her hand over his mouth) Don't give him any ideas.

Jack: Huh?

Angel's Star: (smiles innocently) Nothing!

Jack: (shrugs) I don't know about you being my first mate. Mr. Gibbs does a good job…

Angel's Star: (nods) That he does. Will! Miss SparrowGirl says: I'd like to say that I don't think you're a eunuch (so Jack STOP calling him that.. I think you should 'cause I'm probably better at you in sword fighting) And I've seen POTC 3 and was wondering, do you like sailing the seas as Captain of the Flying Dutchman (AKA the big alligator machine)??

Jack: Pfft. He's still a eunuch.

Elizabeth: You did that on purpose, didn't you?

Jack:…Maybe.

Will: At least she believes me when I say I'm not a eunuch. Being the captain of the Dutchman is kind of lonely, so no, I didn't enjoy it that much.

Angel's Star: Aw, poor Will.

Will: Do you mean that?

Angel's Star: Sure I do! Now if I said that to Liz…

Elizabeth: (sarcastically) I feel the love in this room.

Angel's Star: (ignoring her) Ok, so Liz, Miss SparrowGirl says: Hey, by the way I'm not going to insult you like everyone else... (Angel, Jack, and Audience please, please, please, please stop insulting her, What has she done to you?? Besides Jack!!) Anyways, I think you should just give up the ladylike act, 'cause you're a really good pirate. By the way loved the wedding gown in the second movie. And why don't you become a pirate?? You're already a Pirate King.. ER.. Queen.. Princess? Eh... bugger.. whatever.. That's all. (pause) Liz? A good pirate? (bursts out laughing)

(Jack laughs too)

Elizabeth: I'll have you know I've gotten rid of several pirates!

Jack: (still snickering) By kissing them.

Elizabeth: No! By using a sword like the rest of you!

Davy: Pure luck.

Elizabeth: (sighs) Whatever. Thanks for the nice comments, Miss SparrowGirl. I don't think I'll ever really become a pirate. I've got a son to raise, after all, and a pirate ship is no place to raise a child.

Angel's Star: Ok, well Tia, jaspernewalice asks: Have you ever met a vampire? What's it like to be a goddess? And what the heck where you saying at the end of the third movie...?

Tia: No, I've not met a vampire. Being a goddess is great! I get to have control over people on the ocean and say who lives and dies!

(Everyone but Davy slides away)

Jack: I think she takes her job a little too seriously.

Will: Yeah.

Tia: (ignoring them) And, uh, about what I said. I probably shouldn't repeat that here or it might destroy everything within a ten mile radius.

Angel's Star: No, please don't then. Davy, jaspernewalice says: You're really creepy…but I still like you!

Davy:…Thanks?

Angel's Star: That sounded heartfelt. Liz, jaspernewalice asks: Do you play any instruments? Are you good?

Elizabeth: I don't play any now, but I used to play the piano some when I was young. And no, I wasn't ever really good.

Angel's Star: No comment on that one. Will, jaspernewalice says: What the heck, man? Why are you such a freak? (Like, not in a bad way…but still…) Also, will you teach me to swordfight?

Will: I'm…not sure how to take freak in a good way.

Jack: Just go along with it.

Will: Ok, well, thanks? (glances around to see if that's the right response) And sure, I'll teach you to swordfight.

Angel's Star: Nice recovery. Kind of. Jack, jaspernewalice says: What the heck was up with you abandoning me to Beckett (in the video game)? You just totally ditched me on a sinking ship, and I got arrested trying to swim to Tortuga! I hope you realize I'm Sparrow-hunting now...(in other words, you have a ten-second head start. You may want to run)

Jack: That was a video game! Not me. Besides, Angel doesn't let Jack-haters within a thirty foot radius of me.

Angel's Star: Heck, someone's got to keep you safe since you tend not to do it yourself. Anyway, here's some questions for all of us from jaspernewalice: Have you ever seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show? What characters would you like to play if you had the chance? Besides Liz and Will, any of you have kids? (pause) We'll start with the first one. I've never seen it, so I wouldn't know.

Will: That was quick. No, I haven't seen it either.

Elizabeth: I'm just not into those kind of movies.

Jack: I wanted to see it, but Angel wouldn't rent it at the movie store!

Angel: Oh calm down. That was months ago.

Tia: Um…My crystal ball doesn't act as a television.

(Everyone sweat drops)

Davy: I just don't have a television.

Tia: And I don't have kids either.

Davy: Me neither. I don't like kids.

Jack: I don't either. They get in the way.

(Everyone looks at Angel)

Angel's Star: Gosh, you guys are so suspicious! If I had a kid, you would've noticed by now!

Elizabeth: Unless you lock it in a closet like you do me.

Angel's Star: That would be considered abuse and don't abuse anyone but you.

Jack: Because it's fun.

Angel's Star: Right. Davy, (snickers) Queen Lani Kaulitz the Hyper says: Me and my friend's have been wondering lately and getting into an argument over this question for sometime, so I shall ask you. Since the rest of you is all scaly and fishy and crap, do you still have...um...boy parts? My friends say no. Do you?

(Everyone tries to hold in their laughter)

Davy: Of course I do!

Angel's Star: (coughs to mask her laughter) Ok, next. Will, DxS Phreak says: YOU LIKE ME YOU REALLY LIKE ME!! (sits uncomfortably close to Will) Squee. I agree, you can do better than Liz. (waggles eyebrows suggestively)

Will: (is now very uncomfortable) Uh…you're welcome? (nervous laughter)

Angel's Star: Poor Will. Jack, DxS Phreak's characters sent a message to you: Michelle: You...don't remember me? Char: OR ME? JACK SPARROW, I WILL FRICKING KILL YOU! Me: Um, Jack, Michelle and you met in The Storyteller. As for Char...you guys are kind of together.

Jack: Sorry, loves. I can't ever remember who I'm with. There's so many of you!

Davy: That's one thing I don't have to worry about. Too many fangirls.

Angel's Star: There's so much I could say to that, but I won't because I like living. Tia, DxS Phreak says: Good morning, uh, your highness. Or majesty. (curtsies) Honestly, there were times in AWE where I doubted that you really loved Davy. But, please, tell me, what was it about him that made you fall in love with him?

Tia: Well, he has a rugged appeal of someone who's seen it all and been everywhere and I really liked that.

Audience: Awww.

Jack: Ew.

Angel's Star: That's the most intelligible thing that's ever come out of her mouth.

(Elizabeth nods in awe)

Will: (snaps his fingers) Uh, Angel? The next question?

Angel's Star: Oh, right. Davy, DxS Phreak says: I thought it was so incredibly sweet when you told Calypso that your heart would always belong to her. SQUEE! Uh, sorry. Anyways, why DID you go into the brig the one night in Shipwreck cove? Was that the first time you'd seen each other since, um...the Incident?

Davy: Er…thanks. I knew she was in there and I hadn't seen her in a very long time. I knew the end for us was coming soon since the Pirate Lords were meeting again, so I had to come see her.

Audience: Awww.

Jack: Ew.

Davy: If you say that again I'll make you part of my crew!

Jack: Sorry, sorry!

Angel's Star: You will not, Davy! (clears throat) Jack, Chef Colette asks: What would you do if Sonic the Hedgehog was on your ship? Also how was your friendly swordfight with Link?

Jack: Uh, catch him like I caught the monkey and lock him up until I could trade him for something. And the swordfight was good. He's good with a sword.

Angel's Star: Hurray for Link! Davy, Chef Colette asks: When did you met Tia Dalma/Calypso?

Davy: I met her a really long time ago when I happened to venture up that river and she was outside. Then we got to talking and, uh, that's it.

Angel's Star: Wow, I was expecting something more original. Everybody, Chef Colette asks: Did you play Super Smash Bros Melee? Which character do you use the most? (I guess that Angel's favorite is Link). Are you exited about Super Smash Bros Brawl, as I am? And in all the characters that have been revealed so far which ones will you main? (pause) We don't have Melee, so we haven't played that one, but we do have Brawl! It's awesome! My main character is actually Pit. He's cool.

Jack: I usually use Link because he's good with a sword.

Will: I tend to use Fox. I don't know why, but I just do.

Elizabeth: I don't play video games.

Tia: And Davy and I haven't been at Angel's Star's house long enough to play it really.

Davy: Not that I would want to anyway.

Angel's Star: Just because I don't want you to get the controls all slimy is no reason to take it out here on the show. Anyway, Jack, Alix-Jesusfreak asks: Have you ever been on YouTube and seen the "I've Got A Jar of Dirt remix"? It's fun stuff. OH! And there's another video remix of your famous "Why is the rum gone?" line. It's so funny! You should definitely check it out!

Jack: I think I've seen those… They're pretty good!

Will: People love you too much.

Angel's Star: Will! No one can ever love Jack too much! Anyway, here's a question for you from Alix-Jesusfreak: Have you ever met a guy named Legolas? Just curious... oh and (hug) You look like you need a hug...especially during the third movie...

Will: Legolas? Hmm…no, that name doesn't ring a bell.

(Jack snickers)

Will: (ignoring him) But thanks for the hug! I really needed it in that one, but didn't get many.

Davy: Eh…I'm not feeling any sympathy.

Angel's Star: You wouldn't. Liz, this question is for you from Alix-Jesusfreak: You still tick me off sometimes, but right now, I'm not in as much as a "I hate Elizabeth" mood...So...If you had a daughter, what you name her?

Elizabeth: Um…thanks? I've always liked the name Abigail, so I think I'd name my daughter that.

Angel's Star: And yes, Alix, you can hug Norry after the show. Anywho, everyone, mrspatrickdempsey asks: What do you think of the Writer's strike that is going on? I personally think they should just get paid more so we can have our shows back on TV... I miss them so... (pause) A little late, but that's ok! I think they should've gotten paid more, personally.

Jack: They should just steal- er, I mean, _commandeer_ the money and, uh, run far away. To Mexico or something.

Will: I knew you would say something like that. I'm not sure how I think it should've turned out.

Elizabeth: I never got really involved in all that, so it didn't matter much to me.

Angel's Star: Elizabeth, as a writer I have the right be highly insulted by your comment!

Elizabeth: You weren't even one of them!

Angel's Star: So?

Davy: I didn't care to begin with.

Tia: No, I didn't really either.

Elizabeth: How come you didn't get mad at them?

Angel's Star: Well, I don't want Davy mad at me and Tia…well…she could cast some kind of spell on me or something. Anywho! Will-

Will: No!

Angel's Star: Yes! mrspatrickdempsey asks: What happened after your dad cut out you heart and the Dutchman went down?

Will: (blinks) That wasn't so bad. Well, I woke up and was kind of freaked out to see I was underwater, but then my Dad explained what had happened.

Angel's Star: Hm. Now you _real_ question from mrspatrickdempsey is: (Evil laugh) Did you honestly think that I would let you off scotch free without a mean question? Come on, don't you know me by now? Okay, if you had to choose one of the following to do for 24 hours, which would you choose?A) Run on a treadmill none stop, even though you would probably die from exhaustion, but too bad B) Watch the scenes in all the movies that Elizabeth kisses other men over and over again. C)Both at the same time.

Will: (sighs) I knew there was a catch.

Angel's Star: Of course.

Will: Well, I guess I'd choose B. Sounds less exhausting.

Angel's Star: Ok, then Tia, your question from mrspatrickdempsey is: How did you meet Davy Jones and when did you fall in love with him? Do you still love him now?

Tia: I met him a long time ago when he was just a crew member of a ship. He told me he wanted to be a captain one day, so I asked him if would want to now and he said yes. So I made him captain of the Dutchman and explained his responsibilities. And yes, I still love him.

Audience: Awwww!

Angel's Star: Mushy stuff on my crazy show. What's this world coming to? Davy, mrspatrickdempsey asks: When did you fall in love with Tia? Do you still love her now? What was running through your mind when Jack asked you to raise the Wicked Wench/Black Pearl from the depths? Why are you so cruel to the innocent men that die at sea? Come on, I mean they just DIED without their families with them, don't you think that's depressing and cruel enough...

Davy: I fell in love with her when I first met her and yes, I still love her now.

(Angel's Star puts her index finger over her lips to signal everyone to be quiet)

Davy: I wasn't really thinking anything in particular when I brought the Pearl from the depths. I do remember thinking that I'll have a new crew member in thirteen years.

Angel's Star: Jack, you should've said something like in a hundred years.

Jack: Yeah, probably.

Davy: Anyway! The reason I'm so cruel to men who die at sea is because I had my chance to live just like they did. Life's hard and I don't see why the after-life should be any different.

(awkward silence)

Angel's Star: Um…ok then. Jack! mrspartickdempsey asks: To what extent did your relationship with Tia get to? What were you doing during the ten years after Barbossa had taken your ship?

Jack: We were just friends, nothing more. Surprising, right?

Will: Very.

Jack: I wasn't asking for your opinion. And during those ten years I was going here and there trying to find out where my ship was. Nobody really knew which made it very hard trying to track it down. A lot of people laughed when I asked them because they thought it was a myth.

Angel's Star: I wouldn't have laughed! Anyway, Jack, C. says: I'm not obsessed, it's just, I had the original poster for a long time, but my dog ripped it when she was teething as a puppy and I got 15 dollars for doing something so I borrowed 5 dollars from my mom and bought the poster, and I have a guitar now!! Yay!! Do you play? In the first movie, you didn't seem to know the "A Pirate's Life For Me" song. How come? You ARE a pirate, after all.

Jack: I can, but I don't much. Doesn't interest me like rum.

Elizabeth: Not much does.

Jack: Again, I wasn't asking for your opinion. About that song, I hadn't heard it before because I don't think it was made by pirates. It's some song bored little girls sing when they're on ships and have nothing better to do. (looks at Elizabeth)

(Elizabeth rolls her eyes)

Angel's Star: All righty, Davy! C. says: I was wondering, in Pirates 3, your voice is all, like, Scottish-squidy, but when Tia turned you human, your voice changed to what sounded like a frail old man, and right before you fell off the ship at the end.

Davy: That's because I was dying! I'm so old now that if I was turned into a human again, I'd be really frail.

Angel's Star: There are so many jokes I could say about that, but I'd like to still be here at the end of this show. So I'll move on to Tia! C. says: I like the name Tia Dalma better than Calypso, do you? And what is with all the crabs?!?! Seriously, and how come you got so big at the end? Was there a point to that?

Tia: (shrugs) Either is fine by me. I go by both. And…I happen to like crabs. They're my favorite animal! Besides, I wanted to get back at them for tying me up and putting me in the brig, so what better way than to turn into a bunch of crabs?

Jack: Uh…I could think of several better ways.

Angel's Star: Me too.

Tia: (ignoring them) I got so big so I could turn into a bunch of crabs! Revenge is sweet, but I didn't crush them like I wanted to…

Angel's Star: Um…moving on! Will, C. says: Hey!! How's it going, and tell Elizabeth that she's a perv if she's thinking such dirty thoughts on Angel's perfectly respectable show. We say the word object and immediately she goes, 'That sounds wrong.' Jeez. And will you teach me to swordfight? I'm already a good archer, so if I can swordfight, I'll be awesome! And I could teach fencing. By the way, I think that mrspatrickdempsey is a little harsh to you, but everyone has to have someone to hate, right? It's only human. (pauses and snickers) Perfectly respectable show…

Will: Uh, no, I won't tell her she's a perv-

Jack: I will! Liz, you're a perv.

Elizabeth: Wow, thanks.

Will: But uh, sure, I'll teach you to swordfight. I think she's too harsh on me too, but Angel won't make her stop…

Angel's Star: If I did that, then that would be taking away a funny part of the show that everyone looks forward to!

Jack: I know I enjoy it.

Will: I don't!

Angel's Star: Yeah, yeah, yeah, read me my question!

Will: C. says: Hey, honey! Love the show, and I've got a question for you. If you could be a pirate, or an actress, or the next American Idol, which would you be, and why? By the way, rum for Jack, new sword for Will, new dress for Elizabeth since I feel bad I almost ruined the other one, and a magic wand for Tia, and what does Davy want? I cant think of anything, but if you tell me I'll get it to him!! And tell Sandra thanks for Hugh Laurie and Paul Walker! (pauses) What?

Angel's Star: Long story. Anyway, I'd want to be an actress! I'd get to meet all the other famous actors and actresses I think are awesome. Besides, who doesn't like to pretend they're someone else for a while? Ok, Tia, TA_The_SunTwin says: That was so cool when you caused the storms, etc. during the final battle.

Tia: Thank you. It was harder than it looked.

Angel's Star: Davy, TA_The_SunTwin asks: Remember the crazy man who was about to destroy the rum? What was your reaction to that. Don't EVER go to seafood places. Trust me, it's for you and your crew's own good.

Davy: Needless to say I didn't want him to destroy the rum, so I was pretty mad about it. I like rum just as much as the next man.

Jack: You're not a-

Angel's Star: (clamps hand over Jack's mouth) STARFISH! (Davy gives her a weird look) Eheheh…yeah. Continue. (gives Jack a look)

Davy: Uh…the only other thing I was going to say was that I know about seafood restaurants. (shudders)

Angel's Star: Ok, then, Tia and Davy, TA_The_SunTwin asks: Do you two forgive each other at the end of the movie? You guys rock!

Tia: Thank you. Yes, I forgave him.

Davy: (coughs and trying to act tough) Yeah, I…forgave her too.

Audience: Awww.

(Davy looks at Jack, who doesn't say anything this time)

Angel's Star: Hurray then! Will, TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie says: I just want to say that you are my favorite character.. EVER!! My cell phone background is a picture of you! As for the question, what are your feelings towards your son? Could we bring him on the show? I LOVE YOU! BYE!

Will: Well, thank you! (looks smugly at Jack, who isn't paying attention. Will frowns and continues) Anyway, I love my son. He's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I think we'd bring him on if there was going to be any more episodes.

Angel's Star: Yeah, but I've been recruited for _The Dark Reality_! Speaking of shows, that's the end of this one. I've had a blast and I'd like to personally thank everyone who has made this possible! (pulls out a sheet of paper) Thank you D i e out loud, Anonimoose, Nerds United, Beautiful x lie, Lahara, jgjrfdyhtfgyjtdfytfygfytfrytf, TheSanityStealingPenguinQueen, Random Authoress, Lily-Anne, Glitterfrost, Trippix, Spooftacus, K.D. Sparrow, la vampire susan, Kewl-Kiwi, Nala Langdon, Red VanE, Lord of the Jackdaws, Franny, Akukama, oceanrose7, whyistherumgone, redandblack 4eva, and SirenoftheStorm.

Jack: (reads from the paper) Thanks to teatowls, free2thamax, PSManiac, Chef Colette, Jacquotte, Billie Bobbington, Mavericky, mrspatrickdempsey, Brix, xKayla xKatastrophe, Treehugger131313, Almenel-Miriel, Melody-Ciara, Trek Phan, Isabella Cherone, AbbieNormal182, Charlotte Lewis, iloveyouall!, DxS Phreak, Flightless-Sparrow, Midnight Emerald, Mrs. Sparrow, and Irite4uall.

Will: (reading) And thank you iamanundeadmonkey, DepplyInLove, BlueEyesUnderTheFedora, An Unknown Writer, lateBloomer04, Sky Girl Butterfly, MrsCaptainJack85, a random person, ohmygod, Lomeeriel, MTVbabe11, , ChibiPirate, TavyBeckettFan, fictionfrek101, StarDragon411, NickiHartistheName422, Nowegianchick101, WillxElizabeth, It's..thing, PirateRockstarColumbia, TA_The_SunTwin, nascar-freak, and Captain-Rogue-River.

Elizabeth: (reads names) And more thanks to TheHouseKey, Warriorwolfess, Embers of Twilight, X5-549, DarkPirategirl, Anne Herbold, theLOSTCSIfreak, CaptainxGabrielxLocke, sai-des, Masked Accomplice, Azura Rey, WWMTgirl, .cequins., Evil Riggs, .Wolf, Akutoresu, Daydreamer91, foolon the hill, Roger D. PoisonousAngel, Queen Lani Kaulitz the Hyper, englishfreckle, Paden, and poniescheerleader1993.

Tia: (reads) And thank you C., PrettylilPirate, Alix-Jesusfreak, LifeRavenwing, l'il pirate, lovingkevshugsxx, in-luv-with-u, Sparrabethy Forever, Monkey FooFoo, BrownEyedCuriosity, Miss SparrowGirl, jaspersnewalice, iFLAMEyourSTORIES, and TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie.

(everyone looks at Davy)

Angel's Star: Come on, I gave you the easiest part.

Davy: (sighs) And thanks to the people who only watched and didn't ask questions and to any and all future viewers. Happy?

Angel's Star: Yep! You've all been wonderful and I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have! I apologize if I've missed anyone in that huge list of thank-you's, but know that you're as appreciated as everybody else. Be sure to tune in at the same time every week to see me on _The Dark Reality_! Thanks again!

(screen fades to black)

-------

A/N: So there it is! Thanks yet again for all the love and support. It means so much to me and I really appreciate it!


End file.
